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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 01/02/2016 18:55

Ah, so your partner could do most of your childcare needs if you work full time. That's very handy, as it will save you a lot of money.

If what you say is true about your skills/interests, then you'll have to go for any job you think you can get. Many people do jobs they don't like/love as they need to in order to pay their way. It's not unusual.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/02/2016 18:58

There are 168 hours a week. Why isn't your babies father looking after his child for the 156 hours he isn't doing his course so that you can work full time?

arethereanyleftatall · 01/02/2016 18:59

You can't carry on having babies just to get out of having a full time job.
Most full time jobs are easier than more than one child.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 19:00

Because we are on JSA, I can't work full time as there is no way the money would stretch from childare to Bill's and shopping and rent etc

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 01/02/2016 19:02

Eh? You don't need to pay for childcare - your child's father can look after his child whilst you work full time.

CultureSucksDownWords · 01/02/2016 19:04

But your partner could do most of the childcare and when your child is 3 they'll get 15 hours free as well (is the 2yr old funding means tested?). Many people manage on a low skilled job, you may be eligible for in work benefits like working tax credit (I think, maybe others could clarify?).

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 19:04

But not for the 12 hours he is away. And the current child minder I pay, has to be paid a full day, can't just have an hour or two here and there

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 01/02/2016 19:07

If there's no chance if a job for him at the end of his course, why is he doing it?

Akire · 01/02/2016 19:10

Look your 21 at this rate you will get no pension till your 70 being scared about working full time or getting a job is going to do either of you any good when you have the next 49years of having to work!

You are working now there's no reason why you can't manage to get more cleaning hours- cleaning is one of the most flexible jobs there is and will pay very well considering no skills or qualifications needed. If you can work 16h there's no reason why you can't do 40.

Your partner wants 12h week for course -fine but then one of you needs to work. Better still you both work 20-30h each. You could work 6-10am he could go to course them you could do few hours. He could work evenings or night work if he wants to support is studying.

You can either spent your life working in jobs you hate or look hard at finding a job you like or at least really don't hate. But you will have to do one or the other.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 19:11

Jon centre advised it

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 01/02/2016 19:13

I just think it's pointless trying to tone up and then get pregnant years down the line

It's never pointless to tone up! How can something that's good for you be pointless?
Tone up and then have your next baby when you really want one and can afford one.
Your muscles will be in better shape if you start a new pregnancy toned up and then will tone up much better again after your next birth.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 01/02/2016 19:28

Very reckless and immoral to have a child you know you can't support. Planning to have one to avoid being made to work is just plain lazy and an awful example to set to children.

OzzieFem · 01/02/2016 19:42

You will not find a decent job if you don't have the requisite skills. What is wrong with your partner babysitting while you go to evening classes to get some skills? I'm sure the Job centre would be happy to help you arrange this.

Idefix · 01/02/2016 19:43

Yabu to be considering having another child to be just 'done with it' you have many child bearing years ahead of you. Given your position I would say wait till you and your partner are in a better position financially before extending your family.

There is no reason not to become fitter now and maintain this fitness for future pregnancies, this will give you greater benefits in the long run.

witsender · 01/02/2016 19:47

He only studies 12 hrs a week (in a course that won't lead to a job)...what does he do the rest of the time if he isn't 'babysitting'? Between you you are only occupied for 27 hours out of a potential working 80, even if they were at different times...so why is it impossible to work more?

But he is an arse about the toning up thing.

Shutthatdoor · 01/02/2016 19:49

And there's no way you should be having another baby when you can barely support the one you've got. Wait until your partner has a job and can support you.

^:this

pinkdelight · 01/02/2016 19:50

Why doesn't your DP do a course in something that will lead to a job? He's a father now, he has to get real and start acting responsibly, not doing a 12 hour a week course for some fantasy job instead of learning a proper trade that will pay. Plenty of people do hospital radio/internet radio type gigs in their spare time, that's how they get on the long road to presenting radio as a paid job. Everything you're saying now just sounds like excuses to get out of working, sorry. JSA is not some trap that you're helplessly stuck in. There are very clear ways out of it and one of them is NOT having another baby at 21! Crikey this is making me cross. I hope you're taking some of it in...

pinkdelight · 01/02/2016 19:52

... because it's no good coming back again saying 'But I don't want to rely on benefits' when that seems to be the only tangible plan for you, DP and DC(s). Some people have kids young and step up and all is well, but from everything you're saying about DP and your relationship, this really doesn't sound good.

Dreamonastar · 01/02/2016 19:55

I haven't heard one word about wanting a child to love, enhance your family, teach and nurture.

Just stomach muscles and avoiding work.

Don't do it.

FarrowandBallAche · 01/02/2016 19:57

So you want another baby partially so you don't have to get a full time job?

arethereanyleftatall · 01/02/2016 20:08

Not just that farrow - don't forget the other brilliant reason of only having to tone stomach muscles once.

OTheHugeManatee · 01/02/2016 20:09

YABVU to consider having a second child when you and your partner only work 16 hours a week between you.

Think of all the mothers having children and then going back to full-time jobs, whether they want to or not, and paying their own living costs plus the taxes that pay for you and your DP to have more choices than they do.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 20:12

She obviously wants a second child for other reasons too otherwise she would just stop at one. It's obvious she wants one for normal reasons she's just on about reasons to do it NOW rather than later

Funinthesun15 · 01/02/2016 20:14

I've heard it all now Hmm

shivermytimbers · 01/02/2016 20:19

I wonder if perhaps you aren't giving yourself credit for the skills you have which could very well be transferred to the workplace. If you're currently juggling work, looking after a home and raising a child (which involves more patience, quick thinking, multi tasking and planning than loads of paid jobs I can think of) then I'm pretty sure you could find a career that utilises all of those skills.
I think you should have a chat with a careers advisor and see if you get any ideas that you would like to pursue. The National Careers Service have lots of advice on their website and you can talk to an advisor on 0800 100 900. You are still young enough to pursue a good career and build a lovely family (and tone your stomach muscles!)
Good luckFlowers

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