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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
DontCareHowIWantItNow · 01/02/2016 20:19

It's obvious she wants one for normal reasons she's just on about reasons to do it NOW rather than later

Nothing is 'obvious' about the OP posts.

OP your DP needs to get a job and also look after his DC when not doing his '12 hour' a week course.

You need to focus on getting a ft job.

Dreamonastar · 01/02/2016 20:20

I don't think it is obvious at all actually.

LazyDaysAndTuesdays · 01/02/2016 20:20

Your DP sounds delightful Hmm

PlaymobilPirate · 01/02/2016 20:20

Working in the entertainment industry for all but a very chosen few will only ever be a hobby. Honestly, he's not going to be a radio presenter doing a 12hour a week course.

At least one of you needs to be working full time to support one child, never mind two!

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 01/02/2016 20:21

I don't think it is obvious at all actually.

Nor do I

Lightbulbon · 01/02/2016 20:23

There are good reasons for you not to have a child and yet you have t mentioned any of them!

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 20:23

If she didn't want a second child for the reasons most do she'd just have one child.

I got from it that these were her reasons for considering it now not at sll

FarrowandBallAche · 01/02/2016 20:26

What a weird thread.

Almost as if you're trying to get a reaction.

Don't have a baby yet. Wait till you and your partner are both in full time employment so you can find it.

Bubblesinthesummer · 01/02/2016 20:28

Almost as if you're trying to get a reaction.

I agree.

Your DP needs to get a job. His course is only 12 hours! You need to find a ft job. Stop the JSA then think about a baby.

FarrowandBallAche · 01/02/2016 20:29

Fund it not find FFS.

BasinHaircut · 01/02/2016 20:40

This is hilarious!

OP, you are on a wind up right?

DP can't care for his own child AT ALL during the working week as he does a 12hr/week course?

You think that there is no point in 'toning up' if you might have another hold at some point in the future.

You think that having another child whilst neither you are your partner are earning is a good idea?

Ok, no one else has said it so I shall....are you on glue?

Shutthatdoor · 01/02/2016 20:45

DP can't care for his own child AT ALL during the working week as he does a 12hr/week course?

^ this with bells on! You seriously want another baby and he won't even look after your DC now!

Funinthesun15 · 01/02/2016 20:52

OP what are your DPa redeeming qualities?

Funinthesun15 · 01/02/2016 20:53

*DPs

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 01/02/2016 21:28

How about your bf actually looks after and helps with your DC before even thinking about having a other?

Dreamonastar · 01/02/2016 21:42

I must admit OP I am a bit unsure how to respond here as I think you are very young and your posts are to be honest a bit concerning.

To take one thing at a time, I'm sure you know that stomach muscles and JSA are NOT good reasons to have a baby!

Put bluntly what a lot of people are alluding to is the fact that your partner is doing nothing and I presume he never will, either in terms of paid work or childcare.

If that's the case then trust me the worst thing you can do is go on to have a second child. With one child you can manage; with two childcare costs spiral and logistics of everything are a bloody nightmare.

I'm not going to give you a middle class lecture assuming you can obtain qualifications and get a well paid job; I assume if you could, you would.

But 16 hours a week is nothing and I do feel you could be doing a lot more.

If I were you I'd lose the man then worry about the stomach muscles. And then think about your future. Do you really want to spend it on benefits? If not don't sign up for it.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 21:49

I don't want a life on benefits, it's very little money and it doesn't feel good. I think I put my hope on a baby making me happy, I have PND and taking anexity medication. So my mood swings go to the very extreme, realistically a second child would not be a good thing. But I feel like I am in a deep dark hole. I get so scared about what the future holds and if I am ever going to find a full time job I like, but it's been so long since I had a full time job that I'm scared of interviews, meeting people etc. My current job is cleaning offices which there's only one person left by the time I clean so not speaking to

OP posts:
Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 21:51

Anyone. My self esteem is at an all time low and I can barely find the energy to get up in the morning, I just don't know how to get out of it but I know that I want to

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 21:51

OP what do you enjoy? What would you do if you could do anything?

Nottodaythankyouorever · 01/02/2016 21:53

What does your DP contribute. If you are dealing with your pt job and baby, what does he do to help?

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 21:54

Its been so long since anybody has asked me thar.
I would love to be a driving instructor but I can't drive, don't have the money and I'm almost blind 😢 but I've always dreamed of having my own driving instructor company

Something more realistic? I guess working in a retail shop would satisfy me, it's not a life long dream but I've got experience in that field, its super hard to find PT retail jobs though

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 21:54

Having another child will make all your problems worse. And your partner, sorry but he sounds like a total loser. He doesn't work, he doesn't look after his own child, he's on a silly course that won't result in a job and he criticises your appearance. He sounds like a workshy waster. I wouldn't procreate with a person like that again.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 21:56

He doesn't do much if I'm honest, he did have a pt job with royal mail while I was in hospital, but he has no experience in that and those jobs only come around at Christmas time

His dream is to be a radio presenter, the course is linked with hospital radio but the hospital won't take him on unless he has done the course

He is an experience valeter but again hard to get a job in that field

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 21:57

When you say almost blind do you mean blind without glasses or partially sighted? If the first you could still learn to be a driving instructor!

Funinthesun15 · 01/02/2016 21:59

His dream is to be a radio presenter, the course is linked with hospital radio but the hospital won't take him on unless he has done the course

We all have dreams but dreams don't provide for DC or pay the bills.

He needs to get a job whilst chasing his dream

Would hospital radio actually be paid?