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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
NorfolkEnchantsToday · 02/02/2016 17:57

Couldn't agree more unimaginative

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 17:59

Of course I don't have the motivation, would you have it if you also had depression, anexity, counselling for anorexia? I only just come out of a mother and baby unit at the start of the year! It's quite hard to find the motivation to keep living let alone something as drastic as sortig my life out

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 02/02/2016 18:02

OP, I think the problem is that you didn't mention the depression and anxiety at the beginning. (And you've only just mentioned anorexia.) You might have got more sympathetic responses if you'd mentioned it more early on. You might not have, though - this is AIBU after all, not known for sympathy! Try and ignore the critical replies and focus on the helpful ones with constructive advice like mine for example Wink

AppleSetsSail · 02/02/2016 18:04

Of course I don't have the motivation, would you have it if you also had depression, anexity, counselling for anorexia? I only just come out of a mother and baby unit at the start of the year! It's quite hard to find the motivation to keep living let alone something as drastic as sortig my life out

OP, the same excuses you offer for not working apply even more so to not having another baby. Can you not see this?

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 18:04

Green I understand. I'm here if you need to talk to someone.

It's extra twatty of your partner to insult your appearance with you having anorexia.

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 18:06

Yes I already said I was thinking having another baby was just another way to make me happy, like I was saying another baby would compensate the fact I was feeling shit, I already said that

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 02/02/2016 18:06

"It's extra twatty of your partner to insult your appearance with you having anorexia."

Good point.

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2016 18:08

I agree with anotheremma - seeing anything through the veil of depression makes it ten times harder. Flowers

Top priority is to get your mental health sorted. It's great you've got 16hrs of work. It would be a good idea to speak to the careers service about your long term career ideas and try and come up with a plan to work towards that ?evfn if it is to stay where you are to build up a good reference). It would also be good to clarify what your situation is regarding your partner working more hours-if he could find a full time job it would probably still be much better for you both financially. Good luck.

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 18:08

If you feel so shit then why on earth do you want to add to it by having another baby?
Back to leaky boobs and no sleep?

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 18:10

And I mean that genuinely. You must realise that your MH is not going anywhere but down the plug hole if you add another baby into the mix.

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2016 18:11

OP, the same excuses you offer for not working apply even more so to not having another baby.

I agree that having another baby is a bad idea but using excuses as a synonym for depression, anorexia and anxiety is a pretty crap thing to do. The op also has a job...

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 02/02/2016 18:12

OP you need to leave your 'D' P at least seriously consider it.

He picks on your weight when he knows you have suffered anorexia. Someone that lived you wouldn't do that. They really wouldn't

He doesn't help with your DC either physically or financially.

You don't need him.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 02/02/2016 18:14

*loved you

AndNowItsSeven · 02/02/2016 18:24

Op i think you are doing really well, looking after a baby working when you could stay at home until your dd is three. And in to the mix your mental health difficulties and you are doing exceptionally well. It's your dp that is the problem.

ClashCityRocker · 02/02/2016 18:50

Op, I think you need to have a think about what you need right now, and what will make you happy.

To me, it sounds like you're not sure what to do 'next' and are maybe considering a baby to postpone the issue? sometimes it seems a lot easier to mantain the status quo, even if the status quo is shit.

I hope you're getting IRL support Flowers

ZiggyFartdust · 02/02/2016 19:51

I'm looking at the big picture

Well you should know that doesn't work for the individual if you have an economics qualification is it a GCSE

unimaginativename13 · 02/02/2016 20:01

How old is your baby?

If you have anxiety and depression and have only just got released from a mother and baby unit, obviously currently having a child isn't a miracle cure!! Do you think having another one will help?

Sallystyle · 02/02/2016 20:17

I have sympathy for you OP, you seem lost, confused and really down. Your partner sounds useless and you know deep down that bringing another baby into the mix is the worst thing you could do. I can't judge you because people could and did judge my situation when I was a similar age to you and you remind me a bit of myself when I was your age- not wanting to sound patronising.

Many people here are right in what they are saying, but I know how hard that can be to read. The people saying your husband is useless and you might be happier without him are probably right. It must hurt to read that though.

I really hope your mental health improves for you soon. I wish I had some great advice for you, but all I have to offer is a virtual bunch of Flowers and hope that things improve.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 20:20

Ziggy no it isn't a GCSE, don't be rude. Individuals are part of a collective you realise, and I meant the bigger picture for the OP.

OutWithTheDogs · 02/02/2016 20:48

OP, I presume your partners radio course is not being run in your little village but in a nearby town so wouldn't it be possible for your Partner to look for a job there?

Paddletonio · 02/02/2016 20:51

Lazy pair

ClashCityRocker · 02/02/2016 21:21

That's uncalled for paddletonio.

OP doesn't sound like she's in a great place right now, she's also working part time and raising a very young child on top of dealing with her mental health issues.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 02/02/2016 21:23

OP, why we're you in a mother and baby unit? Did you have Children's Services involvement during your pregnancy and when your child was born?

Lookatyourwatchnow · 02/02/2016 21:23

*were. Sorry

CookieWarbler · 02/02/2016 21:32

I think you've had a harsh and not entirely fair roasting OP and I'm frankly surprised you've been back to the thread to reply so many times, good for you. I've never been on benefits, never had mental health issues and I pay lots of tax. I guess I should be one of those people slagging you off but unlike some of the posters on here I've got an ounce of bloody compassion and I feel for you, you sound stuck, unhappy and don't know where to turn.
Can I add my voice to those who say you need to work on your mental health issues and self esteem and suggest that a trip to the doctors should be your first point of call Flowers