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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 01/02/2016 22:02

Is this a wind up?

ZiggyFartdust · 01/02/2016 22:02

His dream is to be a radio presenter? My dream is to travel the world on a Harley, but when you have a family to support you don't get to focus on your dream.
2 young, able bodied adults, with only 16 hours a week work between them with one child is depressing enough, don't adding another one.

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 22:02

'His dream is to be a radio presenter, the course is linked with hospital radio but the hospital won't take him on unless he has done the course'

He needs to be more realistic. His 'dream' is a convenient excuse to get out of working at all. Really you deserve someone with more drive. I can't believe he doesn't even look after his child.

Natkingcole9 · 01/02/2016 22:04

What the hell did i just read. OP catch a grip, and get a job.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:04

Think that's a bit harsh guys - he should be doing more but there's nothing wrong with going for an unusual career

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 22:04

'If I got pregnant, I think it would move to income support, I'm not sure about that but I just feel reckless to think about a baby while relying on benefits'

Nope, they'd put him on JSA as you are a joint couple. Unless you split up with him.

Cocacolaandchocolate · 01/02/2016 22:04

Op, you have time to have more children.
You need to think about what career would you like? Ask for job centre to help you get a work placement to see if you like the job. Use your child's 2 year old funded hours to gain experience in a career field to allow you to get ready for a job.
Get working, meeting people and then another baby.
I have had 4 csection and they are lovely experiences.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 22:05

Well maybe I'm the fool then as I encouraged him to go for the course. I said there is no gaurentee of a job but it will look good that he has done the course. Unfortunately the course is not done in college so is not paid.

OP posts:
FarrowandBallAche · 01/02/2016 22:06

Dreams don't feed and clothe your children.

Shutthatdoor · 01/02/2016 22:07

Your DP needs to be realistic about his job options. He has a family to support. He can't just sit around doing a 12 hour per week course, not work or help with DC whilst waiting for his dream job to fall on his lap.

Life isn't like that.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:07

I don't think the course is stupid. But he could do a part time job to get extra money

notenoughbottle · 01/02/2016 22:08

It would be extremely silly to consider having a baby in you're position imo. You're oh sounds awful too - any man who told me I looked podgy would be out the door!

Nottodaythankyouorever · 01/02/2016 22:08

Unfortunately the course is not done in college so is not paid.

You very rarely get paid to do a courses. You usually pay to do the course.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 22:09

He can't work as we are claiming JSA, the only option is to wait until our child goes into free nursery in August but even then I don't know how that will help Confused

OP posts:
GraceKellysLeftArm · 01/02/2016 22:10

An old friend does hospital radio. Unpaid.

WonderingAspie · 01/02/2016 22:10

Are you for real? I'm torn between knowing there are people like you around and thinking you are picking on the things that will wind people up.

I think I believe you. So my actual response would be you having another baby is a terrible idea and for completely trivial reasons. You said you don't even want another one yet. You would be selfish and irresponsible to have another child now.

Get a job and pay for yourself, tell your waste of space partner to earn some money and stop living off the state. More children in the situation is only going to be a bad thing. You sound very young, you need to grow up first.

If you hadn't said you don't want a life on benefits I'd think you were my cousin. I have no doubt she'll keep having babies so she doesn't even have to work.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 22:11

Most courses here you get £65 for attending
So is it stupid that I have a dream of being a driving instructor? I don't see how it's stupid for him to do something he is really interests in, rather than take a job at McDonalds and resent me

OP posts:
LazyDaysAndTuesdays · 01/02/2016 22:11

Think that's a bit harsh guys - he should be doing more but there's nothing wrong with going for an unusual career

No there isn't. However he is contributing nothing whether it be money or time.

He already knows it is unlikely to lead to a job so what is he doing about finding work? Why isn't he currently working? He could do a ft job and still do the course.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:11

green so you're in the shit situation that you lose money if he works. This is what pisses me off about the benefit system, there's nothing to help people with part time and not much for low incomes.

Oswin · 01/02/2016 22:12

Op once you both have a job you will receive money for childcare.
If only one of you gets a job you will still receive a good amount of tax credits.
So he's at college two days a week?
He should then look after his child on the days he's not there and get a childminder for the other days.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:13

Green no I don't think so. If I were you I would start driving lessons. Don't take a shit job for now, use the time you've got to acquire the skills you can use in a job you'll like

Bubblesinthesummer · 01/02/2016 22:13

He can't work as we are claiming JSA, the only option is to wait until our child goes into free nursery in August but even then I don't know how that will help

So you are planning on staying on JSA forever then?

If he got a job there would be no need for JSA

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 22:13

'He can't work as we are claiming JSA, the only option is to wait until our child goes into free nursery in August but even then I don't know how that will help confused'

He's an able-bodied young man! Of course he can work and support his family, it's not like he looks after his child.

Oswin · 01/02/2016 22:13

So bloody what if he resents you. Your child needs feeding and clothing. He needs to fix up.

pinkdelight · 01/02/2016 22:13

"He can't work as we are claiming JSA"

There's something deeply, deeply messed up about this.