Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:14

She means they will be financially worse off not that they physically can't work.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:14

So if you'd got kids and you got £100 a week on JSA but the only job you could get that was suitable paid £80 you'd take if? Yeah right.

OP is being failed by the system

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 22:15

No he is at the course 3 days a week, it's only 12 hour a week. I work 4 days a week, so we are both at home together for one of the days.

OP posts:
icysphincterporn · 01/02/2016 22:16

He's a lazy git.

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 01/02/2016 22:16

I don't see how it's stupid for him to do something he is really interests in

Dreams are to aim for, not to abandon everything else.

That is fine if it pays the bills. It doesn't. What are his plans when he finishes college? Even if he is on JSA after his course finishes he will be expected to gain employment. He will be expected to take whatever jobs come up, not just his dream job.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 22:17

Can you all stop slagging my partner off please!! Did you all miss the bit where he had a PT job over Christmas ffs!! Neither him nor me want to be sitting on benefits!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 22:17

'Don't take a shit job for now, use the time you've got to acquire the skills you can use in a job you'll like'

Why not? Being in employment shows some very valuable skills.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 22:18

His plans are to see if the radio place will take him on, or see if the hospital radio takes him on.
The job centre advised this course as Well as me because there were currently no job vacancies so he is not doing it to sit around on his ass!

OP posts:
icysphincterporn · 01/02/2016 22:20

He calls you podgy and hardly "babysits" his own child because he 'works' 12 hours per week. What is there to say about a man like that?!

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:20

expat because it would be better to gain the qualification she needs to do something she'll enjoy rather than end up doing a shit job she hates making her miserable.

Bubblesinthesummer · 01/02/2016 22:20

So if you'd got kids and you got £100 a week on JSA but the only job you could get that was suitable paid £80 you'd take if? Yeah right

If he got a 18 hour per week job on NMW he would earn more than the JSA amount!

That with his course would still be less than a ft job hours wise.

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 22:21

'Can you all stop slagging my partner off please!! Did you all miss the bit where he had a PT job over Christmas ffs!! Neither him nor me want to be sitting on benefits!'

Hmm. You work part-time all the time and he had a PT job over Christmas. He's doing nothing to get you off benefits. It's a real shame when women waste their time with total losers like this.

Akire · 01/02/2016 22:21

As a couple with a child you need to work 24h between you. With one of you doing least 26h. You are nearly there already.

If you upped your hours by 8 or he took 8h you would qualify for tax credits and no childcare you would be so much better off. If all you are getting is JSA and most of the earnings are going on childcare.

I'm sorry you have anxiety but you didn't say at first so people were being honest with the information they had. I'm sure we could come up with jobs that may be suitable. In the mean time working alone and not talking to lots of people suits you.

I'm all for your partner studying a hobby that may led to work though radio very hard to get in to. But he can also do something else in the time being.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:21

Bubbles that depends how the hours fall though doesn't it! courses don't often fall neatly into two days, the hours are probably spaced weirdly limiting his options

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 22:22

Yes but it proves he isn't sitting on his ass being lazy! I didn't come here to ask you all to slag off my partner. If this was the around way around and I was doing a course would you all be telling me that I was lazy? No I don't think so. So don't do it just because he is a man.

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:23

expat he's doing a course, the fact you personally think it's stupid doesn't mean he isn't doing anything Hmm

So sick of the benefit bashing. How about people give the OP advice instead of smug comments?

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 22:24

'because it would be better to gain the qualification she needs to do something she'll enjoy rather than end up doing a shit job she hates making her miserable.'

Here's a real shocker! It's possible to gain a qualification whilst working PT. Then you have the added bonus of having the background of being a reliable employee. Employers really like this.

pinkdelight · 01/02/2016 22:25

"She means they will be financially worse off not that they physically can't work."

I get that, but we all lose money when we have DC, we work more, take extra jobs, make it work. OP and esp her DP seem to be particularly helpless about it. Half-baked plans about presenting radio and being a driving instructor without even being able to drive yet. And the non-jobseeking JSA is perpetuating this kind of thinking long term. Imagine being in that situation and thinking in terms of waiting till August for free childcare and thinking even then it'll probably not change anything. That kind of angst is a luxury when people are working hard to survive month to month. No wonder she's getting herself scared about never have a ft job. It's all so abstract and impractical. Strewth. It's so obvious and people have said it over and over - don't have another baby, DP should get at least one if not two paying jobs, and they should both investigate training options and put some tactical steps in place. And if DP won't step up, then OP should factor going it along into those plans, because it surely can't be any harder without him. I don't know whether the system's really to blame here. They have choices. They have to stop making more bad ones from now one.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:25

expat but that's also fucking difficult and the OP has already said she has mental health problems so the extra stress wouldn't be great right now.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 01/02/2016 22:27

He can't work as we are claiming JSA

What the fuck are you talking about here?

Jsa is for people looking for work so why is he actively avoiding looking for work? Don't you realise you'd have a bigger income if he worked than if you stayed in jsa?

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:27

Pink it's not that easy. You really expect someone to take less money so their kids will lose out?

OP is trying but doesn't know the best way to go about it. She needs to decide what she wants, probably by doing a spider diagram of what she likes and what she's good at and going from there. Then she needs to look at how to achieve those things. Then work on them.

But one step at a time. Too much will overwhelm her.

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 22:27

How is it benefit bashing to point out this guy is doing FA to support his family? He doesn't even look after his own kid. If you construe that as smug, that is your lookout.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 01/02/2016 22:29

he's doing a course, the fact you personally think it's stupid doesn't mean he isn't doing anything

He does that for 12 hours. What else does he do. He doesn't look after the DC so what is he doing.

It is nothing to do with 'benefit bashing'. Playing that 'card' is a way of shutting down people's views.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 22:29

expat not that but the comments about "get off benefits" are uncalled for when OPs asking for help.

He could help a lot more though

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 22:29

'but that's also fucking difficult and the OP has already said she has mental health problems so the extra stress wouldn't be great right now.'

I see you are a psychiatrist on top of being a CSA advisor. She is already working. Working is actually good for mental health. And one driving lesson a week isn't exactly stressful.