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AIBU?

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Original poster

This mum is totally unreasonable isn't she? Help me word a reply!

540 replies

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 10:32

My son went to his friends house for a play and tea yesterday. They are both 5. They went to a local soft play.

I went to pick my son up and the husband was there, all good. Had a great time.

I text the mum to say thank you etc and I had this reply...

'No problem! They had a great time at soft play and then they had some dinner there. It came to £10.00. You can give me the money at the gates tomorrow. Have a nice evening! X'

Erm what the fuck? Is that normal? What do I do?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/01/2016 10:34

No it's not fecking normal at all, the cheeky cow Shock

I have to admit though, if I knew another parent was taking one of mine to soft play, I would have offered the money up front.

writingonthewall · 21/01/2016 10:34

If a parent has taken my child out to somewhere that costs I always offer to pay. I don't think that's unreasonable. I assume you agreed to them going in advance? If she didn't mention it in advance then a bit odd but I'd still pay.

Smellyrose · 21/01/2016 10:34

Totally unreasonable! If she had asked you before then at least you've got a chance to say no, but she can't take him and then charge you.

That said, though, I would pay as I wouldn't want to seem tight, but my DC wouldn't be playing with that friend again.

Do you know how much the soft play cost? I'd check before paying any money out.

PurpleDaisies · 21/01/2016 10:35

I think she should have checked first before taking the children to something she was expecting you to pay for. If she's a good friend is just ask her to ask you before next time. It sounds like a misunderstanding rather than something to break a friendship over (unless there's back story).

Original poster
WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 10:35

Shit should I have offered?

I've taken this kid out for dinner a couple of times and another one of his friends too but wouldn't ever have asked for money. If I've decided to take them out I take the hit surely!

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 21/01/2016 10:37

If I take DD's friend to soft play, it is my choice to do so and I don't expect the other mum to pay!

I think it is extremely grabby and cheeky of her to ask for money if it was a play date that she chose to do.

SandrasAnnoyingFriend · 21/01/2016 10:37

Amazing cheek.

I would reply saying the following.

'Hi, x had a great time, thank you for having him. I have to mention that it's not really appropriate to ask for money for activities you have decided to take x to without discussion. I don't want to fall out over it so will bring along the £10 later, but can you please let me know if you are planning to do similar in future?'

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/01/2016 10:38

The text was cheeky.

I would pay up to avoid bad feeling but would be aware of it happening again in the future.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/01/2016 10:39

I wish I could help you write a reply, but I'm completely speechless and Shock. How rude is she . Its the done thing when you invite a child out or for tea you pay for them and they return the favor, well at least that's how I've always worked it.
TBH. I'd give her the £10 and let her stick it were the sun doesn't shine, and I'd just give her side berth from then on.

wigglesrock · 21/01/2016 10:39

One of my dds friends mums takes my dd and her dd to a soft play/adventure thing every once in a while. I always give her the money for the entrance fee. But it was organised the first time they went, so it was all nice and clear and non cringey.

abbsismyhero · 21/01/2016 10:40

pay this time next time ask in advance if there are going to be any costs from the playdate?

SoupDragon · 21/01/2016 10:40

'Hi, x had a great time, thank you for having him. I have to mention that it's not really appropriate to ask for money for activities you have decided to take x to without discussion. I don't want to fall out over it so will bring along the £10 later, but can you please let me know if you are planning to do similar in future?'

That's even ruder than asking for the money in the first place!

writingonthewall · 21/01/2016 10:40

ah, so not agreed in advance. Cheeky. I'd pay this time but ask her to check with you in future first. and ask her for the money if you take her child out to eat!

RainOhJoyus · 21/01/2016 10:40

Strange if you've paid for her kids before and she's not offered. I'd reply "sorry I didn't realise we were doing this, £10 ok, you owe me £40 for the meals out. Thanks for clearing that up I was worried you weren't paying"
But then i'm feeling bitchy today

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2016 10:41

I agree with taking the hit if you invite another child out somewhere, it's what I've always done.

But parents have still offered and I've declined.

If my child was being taken on a day out to say the zoo or something and the parents wouldn't accept money, I'd give it to my child for the gift shop/ice cream and tell them to split it with their friend.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 21/01/2016 10:41

Just laugh in her face if she reminds you

or text back "excellent joke!"

and then remind her you've taken her child out more than once and tell her where and how much, that should focus her grabby little mind.

Technoremix · 21/01/2016 10:41

That's really weird. If you invite a child out you pay for them or you don't invite them in the first place!

That said, as she's asked for the money, I would offer it and then be "busy" and distance myself from them in the future! Who does that?!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/01/2016 10:41

I wouldn't send Sandra's text, that just sounds off.

Original poster
WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 10:41

I like your reply Sandra.

I will pay it but begrudgingly. I don't really have another option - which pisses me off. I think entry to the soft play is £1.50, then some dinner and a drink so it probably did cost £10 I guess. She should have checked with me.

OP posts:
NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 21/01/2016 10:43

Rude to ask for money afterwards! She chose to take them, if money was an issue they should've stayed home or asked beforehand whether you minded paying for your son and she would take them.

Keeptrudging · 21/01/2016 10:43

Can you itemise and backdate the costs you have incurred taking her child out for dinner? You could word it like "What a good idea to do it like this. Saves anyone being out of pocket. Since you do things this way, I'm more than happy to pay. It cost me x amount to take x to dinner twice. Will we just call it quits this time?"

I think she's out of order. This is the kind of playdate that you don't do if you're hard up, or you do knowing that it's a sort of reciprocal thing.

whois · 21/01/2016 10:44

That's even ruder than asking for the money in the first place!

No it's not. It's not appropriate to spend money on someone else's behalf without checking first!

I would probably pay up, and keep it as a funny story to entertain at dinner parties etc about how strange some people are

Next time you see her you could verbally say you were quite surprised to get a request for cash since she hadn't given you a heads up on soft play before hand and to avoid ackwardness with other people in the future probably best to be upfront about it before hand.

You invite, you pay. Unless the other parent never takes their turn.

QuietWhenReading · 21/01/2016 10:44

Do NOT send Sandras reply!!!!!

If I take someone's child out I always pay. If someone offers to take my DC out I always offer to pay (although ime most people don't take you up on it)

It sounds like crossed wires really.

As you didn't establish who was paying beforehand I'd just quietly pay up in this occasion.

However, I'd probably not accept a play date from that person again or at very least establish costs up front.

Original poster
WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 10:45

Thanks everyone, you've cheered me up.

I won't send Sandra's text I think I just feel bitchy. Once I've calmed down I will try and send an appropriate response.

'Hi X, I'm glad they had a great time. I'm future please could you let me know if there will be costs as I have to really plan our spending at the movement. Thanks X'

Is that ok?

OP posts:
icanteven · 21/01/2016 10:45

I would love to text:

"Oh! I hadn't expected that - I suppose I should have been asking you to reimburse me for dinner the times I have taken X out for dinner with us. Who knew! :) But honestly, don't worry about that now - it's only about £30. So - yeah - I'll bring that £10 along with me tomorrow. Have a great evening!"