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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This mum is totally unreasonable isn't she? Help me word a reply!

540 replies

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 10:32

My son went to his friends house for a play and tea yesterday. They are both 5. They went to a local soft play.

I went to pick my son up and the husband was there, all good. Had a great time.

I text the mum to say thank you etc and I had this reply...

'No problem! They had a great time at soft play and then they had some dinner there. It came to £10.00. You can give me the money at the gates tomorrow. Have a nice evening! X'

Erm what the fuck? Is that normal? What do I do?

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 21/01/2016 12:10

I like snowybumbles reply. It is not agressive in any way but clears up why you would not have expected to pay.

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 21/01/2016 12:11

I would just reply 'I'll speak to you at school later'. Then you regain control of the conversation, you can tell her that you had no idea the trip would incur costs and give her the money. Playing text tennis is going to just end up with a huge falling out.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/01/2016 12:12

If you don't give her the money WTF she going to do. Take you to court. I can sense a DM sad face coming up. Grin

Throwingshade · 21/01/2016 12:12

No way reply!

Leave it. She won't see your point of view, not matter what you say. Just mark her down as a horrible cow and move on.

Bookeatingboy · 21/01/2016 12:14

If you offer to take someone else's dc out then you pay. If you're not going to then why presume you can spend another persons money or at least agree up front.

I invited two of my dc friends to the cinema to watch the new star wars film, both of their parents offered money when I picked them up which I refused since I offered to take them. If I wasn't prepared to pay then why offer Confused

Annarose2014 · 21/01/2016 12:14

I'd let it go now. It'd just get snidy-er.

However I'd make sure I gave her the money in 1s & 50s searching my purse for each one. And count it into her hand whilst she had to stand there with her hand out.

Now THAT'S passive aggressive! Grin

LaPharisienne · 21/01/2016 12:15

Whoops didn't keep up with the thread.

Is this worth an argument? It is only a tenner and it's not like she's YOUR friend...

Guiltypleasures001 · 21/01/2016 12:15

Text winds reply I've never asked for money nor had money taken because I always offer, spending money on a trip like Legoland is a must.

Wineandrosesagain · 21/01/2016 12:18

I would go with SnowBumbles response. I don't believe she doesn't remember the times you spent money on her DC (and Legoland isn't a £1.50 softplay!) but she is taking the high-ground and making out you are the tightwad, not her. I would definitely send that reply as otherwise it would annoy the hell out of me when I handed over a tenner and she sniffily accepted it, like she'd had to chase me for a debt.

origamiwarrior · 21/01/2016 12:21

"My apologies, I think we've got some crossed wires here over who pays for what on a play date. I'll do a quick tally up of the Legoland, McDonalds etc expenditure and let you know, that way we can move on with a clean slate, so to speak! Thanks again, xx had a fab time. Waitrose x"

Pobspits · 21/01/2016 12:21

You probably should leave it. However I wouldn't.

Id reply

Tbh i have never come across this type of arrangement before and obviously when I've taken your Ds out its not been mentioned so I didn't know to expect to pay and that's the issue. All is ok with us but a bit taken a back to be honest. Don't want any ill feeling though but we'll both need to be clear re our expectations if any play dates happen in the future'

Don't let her treat you like an idiot. She'll already be talking about you...why not give her something else to say?

Original poster
WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 12:24

Okay sent Snow's reply. I will update if she replies. I'm getting more pissed off by the minute.

I probably shouldn't have replied again.

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 21/01/2016 12:24

Well, now you know to ask her for money to cover the cost of any outings you organise, op. In advance, clearly!

I do like origami's response though Grin

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/01/2016 12:25

Ooh, x-posted.

Exciting! Obviously I know it's your life and all op but that you for letting us gawk live vicariously Grin

PitilessYank · 21/01/2016 12:25

Your exchange with her via text went poorly, but it can still be redeemed, which is what I would try to do.

The next time I saw her, I would give he the £10 and say, "Sorry about my text-I didn't express myself well there. I have paid for meals out for your child several times, so I was surprised when you asked to be reimbursed for an activity. Is this how you want us to run things in the future, with strict reimbursement for costs incurred during play dates?"

If said in a kindly tone of voice, this would be an inoffensive approach. I think that avoiding play dates with her in the future is an overreaction and just extends the unspoken awkwardness. Better to clearly discuss this.

I am not British, though, so your mileage may vary.

Only1scoop · 21/01/2016 12:26

Have you Op

Oh blimey will watch out for update.

Did you not feel you wanted to mention face to face?

Original poster
WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 12:26

I knew you lot would love it if I replied with that Grin

To be honest she's been so patronising. Normally I let people do that kind of thing to me. Had a tiff with DH this morning so may as well piss myself off even more!

OP posts:
Bertieboo1 · 21/01/2016 12:27

Very impressed that you replied -
I am so rubbish at standing up for myself in these kind of situations. :)

Original poster
WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 12:28

If I try and talk to people face to face I get so nervous. I would forget what I was trying to say and just make myself look really silly. Although I've probably fucked this up too, but maybe it's the lesser of two evils..

OP posts:
Annarose2014 · 21/01/2016 12:28

Well neither of them are going to be offering playdates after this cos of the potential cost!

Maybe no harm though. She sounds like a bit of a weapon.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/01/2016 12:28

You texted back?

Don't get into a text argument, it's daft.

LeanneBattersby · 21/01/2016 12:29

Oh wow you're a bolder woman than me. I would've just handed over the tenner and been absolutely fucking fuming.

She is being a real arsehole though.

Notimefortossers · 21/01/2016 12:30

Shamlessly placemarking Wink

Although I think Snow's response was best too and that you've done the right thing. Yes it will be awkward, yes you and this woman are not going to be friends . . . but you can't let people get away with that crap! Asking for a tenner when you took her son to Legoland which is CRAZY expensive is completely Shock . . . Don't know how some people have the nerve

Gisla · 21/01/2016 12:31

I'd take the tenner off what she owes you and ask for the remainder at the school gates. If she's going to be a bitch about it then why not?

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/01/2016 12:31

Don't reply and don't pay. Then if she asks tell her you didn't
want to embarrass her given her own lack of funds about not paying for Legoland and all the times you have fed her child. Then tell her if she is that desperate she can have the £1.50 that was the soft play entry fee against the legoland entry fee and you will knock off one dinner so she owes you for the remaining entry fee and other dinners. Come up with a figure and tell her if she can't pay you will take it in installments. But then I am feeling like a complete bitch today.

Would certainly ask others very loudly if they to charge when they invite a friend round.

Unfortunately you are a marked woman now because if you pay or don't pay she will make sure everyone knows you are tight and expect your child to be entertained for free. Only way to stem it is to come out fighting so to speak.

Personally I would say you put this on a forum and everyone thought she was a cheeky bitch.