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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to date this guy?

231 replies

Destinysdaughter · 16/01/2016 22:11

I had a blind date tonight with a guy who seemed really nice online and he turned up to the pub and he was in a wheelchair! He hadn't mentioned his disability before so I was a bit taken aback by it. He was nice but don't think I want to date someone in a wheelchair. Does that make me a v shallow person? He broke his back in a motorbike accident when he was 30, is 50 now. He was nice company but I do feel annoyed that he didn't mention this at all before we met. I feel bad about not wanting to meet him again, I'd be happy to see him again as a friend but as sex would be impossible, I don't see it being a relationship. What would you do?

OP posts:
Bombaybunty · 16/01/2016 22:14

He could do a lot better.

QOD · 16/01/2016 22:15

Difficult one

If you like him, you may regret not dating him
wheelchair doesn't = no sex btw. If you WANTED to there are ways if he still has functions. But ya know, you're gonna get ripped apart here

VimFuego101 · 16/01/2016 22:16

I think I would have preferred to have known beforehand so I didn't put my foot in it and make a stupid comment, but why would you assume sex is impossible? And is a wheelchair really that big a deal?

MistressDeeCee · 16/01/2016 22:16

Yes I think he should have mentioned it. Equally you are perfectly entitled not to see him again as he isn't what you expected. Im not entirely sure why you are asking the question, however; its because he has a disability I assume? That being the case its still your choice whether to date a man or not. Then again the "sex would be impossible" part is plain ignorant depending how you look at it..Im not going down that route tho! Save to say Im sceptical about this being a post about a real situation are you after shock value

Bean89 · 16/01/2016 22:16

If you don't see yourself in a relationship with him, don't go out with him. It's not hard and I don't see why you would need to consult the Internet over that.

RavioliOnToast · 16/01/2016 22:16

I think you're doing him a favour.

ghostyslovesheep · 16/01/2016 22:17

Exactly what Bean said - if you don't want to don't - no need to try and whip up some outrage

Original poster
Destinysdaughter · 16/01/2016 22:18

It is a real situation. I just wanted a second opinion as I feel bad about it.

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 16/01/2016 22:18

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wannaBe · 16/01/2016 22:18

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user7755 · 16/01/2016 22:19

Agree Bombay.

How do you know sex wouldn't be possible?

UmbongoUnchained · 16/01/2016 22:19

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date a disabled person. It's your choice.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2016 22:19

I just find this very difficult to believe.

I'm not saying you're lying btw, just that I find it difficult.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 16/01/2016 22:20

I'd be happy to see him again as a friend but as sex would be impossible

Obviously he told you this on the date? Hmm

Zorigami · 16/01/2016 22:22

My neighbour is in a wheelchair from motorbike accident. He got married couple years ago and fathered a child. Sex isn't impossible. You need to be honest and ask if it's the wheelchair and attendant relationship differences that put you off.

Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 22:22

YANBU for feeling annoyed. If you don't want to date him then don't date him. Surprising he didn't mention his disability but perhaps he was tired of knock backs before even getting the chance to meet someone in person first. You could argue that those who lie about their age/height etc also have the same reasons for doing so. Did he tell you that he couldn't have sex? Being in a wheelchair does not alway mean lack of a sex life.
There are any number of reasons why someone might not want to date someone. There will be a few (already are) who will give you a shitty time about it so be ready for that.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 16/01/2016 22:22

You are perfectly reasonable to not want to date him, but why start a thread about it when you know it will offend people? Good on him not feeling that he needs to 'disclose' this beforehand, he shouldn't have to.

wannaBe · 16/01/2016 22:22

But just for reference, the reason why many disabled people don't declare their disabilities up front is because as soon as they do many people with whom they until then had been getting on perfectly well with disappear back into their prejudiced little bubbles.

Original poster
Destinysdaughter · 16/01/2016 22:23

FFS this is a real situation! Why are you assuming I'm a bloody troll? You can check my posting history.

For more context, we met on Fabswingers which is a hook up site,he has quite a few ' verifications' and none of them mentioned his disability.

OP posts:
Toffeelatteplease · 16/01/2016 22:24

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Bean89 · 16/01/2016 22:24

So he probably can have sex then?

Original poster
Destinysdaughter · 16/01/2016 22:25

He's broken his back in a motorbike accident so I don't think he's able to have full sex as he can't use his legs.

OP posts:
Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 22:25

Always
Really? You don't think this is something significant enough to tell someone that you might be meeting for a date?

Toffeelatteplease · 16/01/2016 22:25

Do you mention you have two fully functioning legs on your profile?

Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 22:26

Jesus Toffee..... steady on.

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