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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to date this guy?

231 replies

Destinysdaughter · 16/01/2016 22:11

I had a blind date tonight with a guy who seemed really nice online and he turned up to the pub and he was in a wheelchair! He hadn't mentioned his disability before so I was a bit taken aback by it. He was nice but don't think I want to date someone in a wheelchair. Does that make me a v shallow person? He broke his back in a motorbike accident when he was 30, is 50 now. He was nice company but I do feel annoyed that he didn't mention this at all before we met. I feel bad about not wanting to meet him again, I'd be happy to see him again as a friend but as sex would be impossible, I don't see it being a relationship. What would you do?

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 16/01/2016 22:50

This thread is going to be vile.

I don't care what the OP does or thinks in private. But do get your facts right before spreading assumptions that are clearly going to be contentious.

It's hard enough to live with a disability without this sort of crass reaction.

Signed, a disabled person who will surely warn everyone im not normal before inflicting my presence on society.

Toffeelatteplease · 16/01/2016 22:52

I have a child with special needs and who is a wheelchair user.

When he is an adult and able to date I would hope he only had to disclose the extent of his disabilities when HE chose to do so.

No I don't believe you should come with a flashing warning light whether it is physical or mental difficulties. Yes it is a conversation to be hard but I hope the more get to know you conversations might come first.

Or the case if the Op the what do you like in the sack questions instead

user7755 · 16/01/2016 22:53

Supermanspants - there was a thread about this a little while ago, there was a mix of opinions, but it became a very heated debate between a small group of people.

JohnLuther · 16/01/2016 22:54

OP you are ignorant, the bloke has had a lucky escape.

TamaraLamara · 16/01/2016 22:54

This reply has been deleted

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MiscellaneousAssortment · 16/01/2016 22:56

You met someone from a site designed purely for sex, then refused to talk about sex the whole date?

... Because you were so embarrassed about the wheelchair?

Really? Ouch.

SirBoobAlot · 16/01/2016 22:57

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ohtheholidays · 16/01/2016 23:00

Right if it's a hook up site then he's going to be able to have sex isn't he!

I'm in a wheelchair alot of the time now and yes I can have sex and I'm bloody good at it as well Wink

With him not mentioning the chair it could be because he's had people rule him out straight away once he's mentioned the chair.If you don't want to see him then don't see him it's as simple as that.

Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 23:02

Sir
Your date discloses they have a mental health disability that manifests itself in quite extreme and bizarre behaviours...... you're ok to pursue a r'ship with that person if possible?

whattodowiththepoo · 16/01/2016 23:04

He could do a lot better.

wannaBe · 16/01/2016 23:04

it's very simple really. If you are looking for a life partner then at some point the implications of a disability need to be discussed in conversation, no, there should be no obligation for the disabled person to declare their disability prior to meeting up, but if it's a physical disability then it will be obvious when meeting for the first time.

However, this wasn't a serious relationship the op was looking for, she is looking for no strings sex on a swingers site FGS. No-one on said site really has any obligation to declare anything about themselves because it' shallow no strings sex they're looking for and nothing more. So there are no life implications to not declaring a disability up front.

Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 23:05

Can any of the posters giving the OP a hard time answer my question on a previous post?

Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 23:06

Question to you What
Your date discloses they have a mental health disability that manifests itself in quite extreme and bizarre behaviours...... you're ok to pursue a r'ship with that person if possible?

Chippednailvarnish · 16/01/2016 23:09

This thread is hilarious! A swinger who may not be able to swing and a date who is to polite to talk about sex.

Do him a favour and don't see him again OP, he really doesn't deserve you. he's dodged a bullet

user7755 · 16/01/2016 23:10

Supermans - I answered your post at 22:53.

I was one of the people who said that it was out of order to discount a person because of an illness or disability without getting to know them first.

HTH

Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 23:11

So there are no life implications to not declaring a disability up front.

So, assuming that it is ok not to declare any particular features of yourself or your life, by the same logic somebody who is 70+ does not need to declare that to a potential date regardless of why they are meeting.
Really? You would be ok with that? Hmm

JohnLuther · 16/01/2016 23:11

One of my old girlfriends told me that she had Schizophrenia and I still dated her, it doesn't bother me but then again I have a physical disability so I'm quite laid back about physical and mental health disabilities.

HPsauciness · 16/01/2016 23:13

I agree with wannabe, no need to disclose anything that has long-term implications if it's all for a bit of fun- plus it's really unclear he couldn't have a bit of fun, he may well be able to do quite a lot of things (given you didn't discuss it at all, how do you know he's not functioning in that dep't and surely he's reasonably imaginative if on a swingers site).

If you don't want to see him again, though, for any reason- don't!

SirBoobAlot · 16/01/2016 23:14

The OP was on a slimy site, to get laid with no commitment, and then judges the person enough not to even discuss sex with them at all. There's your example of bizarre behaviour, Pants.

You're on a swingers site and are bemused that people aren't telling you everything about their lives?

Disabled people naturally need to allow normal people adjustment to them being so odd... I'll remember that next time I head out with my cripple equipment.

PrimeDirective · 16/01/2016 23:14

You should probably make it clear on your profile or in conversations that you can't have sex with disabled people.
Your potential dates need warning about your deficiencies.

abbsismyhero · 16/01/2016 23:14

if he discloses surely he would have more success rather than meeting people like the op? i mean blimey how do you put it nicely? you cant i suppose

he would stand a better chance of a hookup if everyone is on the same page?

obviously the op is a wee bit immature but she was caught on the backfoot imagine if you were a white supremacist and your date was not what you expected would you still want to remain friends or would things get rather heated!

op dont remain friends its unkind move on and allow him to do the same you're obviously not suitable

Chippednailvarnish · 16/01/2016 23:14

The irony of a choosy swinger!

SirBoobAlot · 16/01/2016 23:16

Pants are you always such a tit, or is this behaviour just for situations surrounding anyone that doesn't fit into a Stepford Wife box?

PollyPocket100 · 16/01/2016 23:16

Hey superman. My DP has various disabilities (both physical and mental - not physical in the sense that this became apparent immediately upon meeting him) that require assistance from myself and outside sources.
He didn't disclose this until our relationship was heading towards serious and I'd never thought to be annoyed about that if I'm honest.

Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 23:17

Thank you John for being the only one to respond with a definitive answer. My ex was also Schizophrenic. It was really fucking difficult at times.

I think it is fair to say the vast majority of posters who are giving the OP a hard time would NOT date somebody with a serious mental health disability.

User7755
You didn't answer my question in your post at 22.53. You just mentioned a previous thread. It's a simple yes of no question really.

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