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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think and invite for one is just that

163 replies

Tamponlady · 02/12/2015 12:38

Having my daughters birthday on Saturday fist party she's had since we brought her home

We're on a budget so invited 12 children from nursery family friends children that sort of thing however serval parents have asked about the invited child's sibling now if I wanted to invite them I would of put their name on the invite what really annoys me is my daughter doesn't even know the sibling

I explained to the mother that if it was a issue of childcare she could bring the child however I have only catered for 12 including food , activities and party bags she is more than welcome to pay the extra for her other child

This is not a habit people should get into its rude a cheeky in my view I even thing waits to get flamed even with twins it's a bit forward to think both are invited when it clearly says one name on the invite

And if she tries to get her child invloved I will gently be reminding her who the invite was for btw I gave a months notice so this is not a last minute.com invite were no childcare could have been arranged and they are to small to be left off

OP posts:
ofallthenerve · 02/12/2015 12:42

Hmmmm I get what you mean OP, but I think YAB a little bit U in your tone. It's not that U to expect siblings to be invited along to young kids' parties. To say "by all means bring your other DC along but they can't eat anything" I would find Hmm tbh...

Did you invite the parents too? If so that might be why they are confused. If you invite both parents and one DC I can see why they are wondering about their other DCs as it kind of sounds like a family invite iyswim.

KeepOnMoving1 · 02/12/2015 12:44

I think it depends really. I wouldn't have a problem if someone asked to bring a sibling along. Some people are ok with it some aren't, as quite a few people have asked you just shows that it's ok too.

KeepOnMoving1 · 02/12/2015 12:45

I also think it's a bit mean to say you can't have any food.

SummerNights1986 · 02/12/2015 12:46

it's a bit forward to think both are invited when it clearly says one name on the invite
If you're being asked if they can bring their sibling then clearly they know they're not invited. No assumptions there.

she is more than welcome to pay the extra for her other child - so i'm assuming this is some sort of soft play/open activity place? I think if someone paid for a sibling and you refused to let the sibling sit in the same group or whatever you'd be very mean tbh.

I have been to lots of pay per head type parties where I've paid for entry and food for my other (uninvited) dc and then they've eaten that food at the party table with other dc - fairly standard practice round here.

Smidge001 · 02/12/2015 12:46

I agree with you. The invitation is for whoever is named on it. It doesn't say + guest!

At the same time you need to accept some people won't have childcare organised for siblings - but in that case I would expect them simply to turn down the invitation saying their child won't be able to make it. I think it's rude (unless asked by the host) even to explain why, as that would just seem like they're angling for an extended invitation.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 02/12/2015 12:48

I really think you'll have to chill out a bit. I've had multiple parties for my two DC...oldest now 11....and for both girls, I've had various siblings turn up because there's no childcare. Some people genuinely don';t have anyone to ask!

What should they do? Hire a babysitter for two hours?

It's normal and you won't have to "gently" remind anyone to not "get their child involved" in the party.

It's a common thing to happen OP.

I always make a few extra bags...a balloon, sweet and cake. That's all...

ClancyMoped · 02/12/2015 12:48

There is nothing wrong with the other parents asking if they can bring siblings but equally there is nothing wrong with saying that they can't.
It really effects the dynamics of some parties if there are siblings there.

I think that it might be an idea to phone the parents and double check that you are thinking along the same lines. Her other child might be very happy to sit in a corner reading or may be the type to want to get involved. I'd call her and say that you want to confirm the details.
As long as everyone know the situation then it should be ok. In future it might be an idea to write a polite 'sorry no siblings' note on the invite

CakeNinja · 02/12/2015 12:49

If they're nursery age, they may not have all visited your house before, may not all be toilet trained, fully able to express themselves, just a bit shy. Their parents may want to stay. And not have alternative childcare.

Not something I would ever do (just say bloody no fgs) but we had a party for ds when he turned 4 and some parents asked to stay with siblings.

SummerNights1986 · 02/12/2015 12:50

I would expect them simply to turn down the invitation saying their child won't be able to make it

In the position of the parent of the birthday child, I would much rather that the parents of those invited asked if they could bring a sibling rather than just decline the invite.

The most sensible option for those with no childcare is surely to ask - because for those that wouldn't mind a sibling coming, it gives the invited child the chance to come. And for those that would mind, then they can just politely say no.

SummerNights1986 · 02/12/2015 12:51

Where is the party op?

AwfulBeryl · 02/12/2015 12:52

Depends really on the sort of party, if it is at a place where you pay per head then it's fair to say that you're only inviting the children named on the invitations.
If it was at home or a hall etc then it would probably make a few extra jam sandwiches and sausage rolls pots of homemade baba ganoush and crudités. I probably wouldn't hand out any extra party bags though, not if I didn't have any spare.

Original poster
Tamponlady · 02/12/2015 12:52

It's not about being mean it's about what we can afford I have two children one birthday this week thenchristmas then a 16th birthday for my son the 8th January

If I could afford to pay for 13 children I would of invited 13 not invited 12 then paid extra for a sibling of someone

No I didn't invite both parent I simply said to the mum as they are only 2 of course someone nan , them , dad whoever will have to stay with them

The invite clearly said one child's name my daughter doesn't even no the sibling

OP posts:
duckyneedsaclean · 02/12/2015 12:54

Am I reading between the lines correctly, and you have invited one of a pair of twins?

YABU

SnowBodyforrrrm · 02/12/2015 12:56

I always do a few extra party bags just incase siblings come along, it's really not a big deal. In general I don't bring my other three children (including twins) to other peoples parties personally, but on the odd occasion that I have, luckily they've been welcome and included, though I was more then happy to tell my own children not to join in games/eat etc, I certainly wouldn't expect the birthday child's mother to do it especially with the tone that you give off via your post. Sounds like I'm fortunate to be surrounded by generous, kind people. Lucky me Grin

Jibberjabberjooo · 02/12/2015 12:56

But where are you having the party?

I've taken my 1 year old to soft play parties before when I didn't have childcare. At no point were they involved in the party, I bought them food and took them for a play.

KeepOnMoving1 · 02/12/2015 12:57

Really you can't make one extra sandwich or give a piece of cake?

SummerNights1986 · 02/12/2015 12:58

WHERE op? Pay per head or at home?

AwfulBeryl · 02/12/2015 13:06

I don't get the twins reference...What difference does it make if the sibling is a twin or not ?
Sometimes you can get childcare, sometimes you can't.

How on earth are you going to Bentley remind a child not to get involved ? Are you going to make them stand / sit in a corner ?

Tbh if I took my dc to a party like that I wouldn't bother going again, in the end it could be your dad who will lose out.

SausageSmuggler · 02/12/2015 13:06

I agree with pp who said in principle YANBU but the tone of your post sounds a bit mean tbh. Kids do need to realise that they can't be invited to everything just because their sibling is (DC2 is finding this out since DC1 started school) but I think when it's a question of childcare it's a bit different. I must admit to being a bit Hmmat the idea of siblings who do come being told they can't join in, maybe I'm in a minority there. In terms of food, in my experience kids at parties rarely eat everything on the table and there's always cake left. Get a few 10p bags of haribo to give them in lieu of a party bag if needs be.
It is an awkward one though op, good luck!

witsender · 02/12/2015 13:12

Depends on the party tbh. Round here if it is a 'hall and bouncy castle' type party it is more the merrier, siblings tend to come and that's all good. Sometimes there are party bags for them, sometimes not. For an activity...swimming, bowling etc then obviously not, though many parents will just say that the party covers X number, extras can be paid for. It has never crossed my mind to mind to be honest. Sometimes it can be hard with childcare too if partners are working, or single parents etc.

Katiekatiekatiekay · 02/12/2015 13:14

I completely agree with you op.
i had a 5th birthday party for ds at a village hall and several of his new reception friends had their siblings tag along - about 5 or 6 8 year olds completely took over the party Shock winning all the games, shouting the loudest, eating +++++ food, throwing food at eachother, ripping the tail off the bear costume df was wearing. it was horrendous for the little ones and me, on my own while the parents stood chatting round the edges, and ive declined every time someone has since asked me if sibling can tag along. NO Angry

Katiekatiekatiekay · 02/12/2015 13:15

this was 10 years ago i need to let it go Grin

Janeymoo50 · 02/12/2015 13:18

Why on earth is it ok for siblings to attend? That's crazy. I really think the lack of common sense around these days is astounding, there is such a sense of entitlement.

cestlavielife · 02/12/2015 13:18

"they are only 2"

so are they only two years old?

someone wont turn up, someone will turn up with sibling...have a diff party where numbers dont matter quite so much .

enderwoman · 02/12/2015 13:20

If it's a public place it's absolutely fine to say it's £10 per head for uninvited siblings and have the parent pay for the sibling.

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