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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think and invite for one is just that

163 replies

Tamponlady · 02/12/2015 12:38

Having my daughters birthday on Saturday fist party she's had since we brought her home

We're on a budget so invited 12 children from nursery family friends children that sort of thing however serval parents have asked about the invited child's sibling now if I wanted to invite them I would of put their name on the invite what really annoys me is my daughter doesn't even know the sibling

I explained to the mother that if it was a issue of childcare she could bring the child however I have only catered for 12 including food , activities and party bags she is more than welcome to pay the extra for her other child

This is not a habit people should get into its rude a cheeky in my view I even thing waits to get flamed even with twins it's a bit forward to think both are invited when it clearly says one name on the invite

And if she tries to get her child invloved I will gently be reminding her who the invite was for btw I gave a months notice so this is not a last minute.com invite were no childcare could have been arranged and they are to small to be left off

OP posts:

Cloudyflower · 02/12/2015 14:31

We don't all have the luxury of available childcare even with a months notice. Fair enough ask her to pay for the siblings food but to say that can't get involved in the party is just fucking spiteful.

Lovely to see you teaching your dc about kindness and inclusion. With your attitude you may find nobody wanting to come to next years party.

WhatTheHellDoIDoNoww · 02/12/2015 14:32

YANBU. No way would I expect my DCs siblings to be included in an invite for them. Especially in a 'pay per head' situation. You said the right thing.

I have twins and if only one was invited, I did not expect to other to be included. I have left one at home if DH was off work, if not then we decline the invite. Not nice for a sibling to hang around a party they are not included in anyway!

I have had siblings turn up at my DCs parties and the parent has let them help themselves to food/run about/pester for a party bag. Bloody rude!

WhatTheHellDoIDoNoww · 02/12/2015 14:35

And don't get me started on the people who don't reply and just turn up anyway so you don't have enough party bags and the numbers are over the limit!

tbtc20 · 02/12/2015 14:36

OP, I think you might have misunderstood what the parents are asking of you.

I can't believe that several (out of 12) parents would ask whether the sibling of their invited child could actually come to the party.

As others have said, it's very common for siblings to come along to the party venue, especially when the party is for a 2 year old and thus siblings are likely to be pretty young as well. BUT they pay their own way, don't involve themselves with the party etc.

At my son's 6th B'day party, a 3 yo sibling came along too. Her Mum simply said that Ethan's sister would be coming with their Dad and they'd pay (soft play). It was nice they told me as I could then make the wee thing a party bag.

tbtc20 · 02/12/2015 14:37

Oh and it's perfectly OK to invite one twin and not the other. They are
individuals ignores single Xmas card DS2 wrote to twins in his class

maybebabybee · 02/12/2015 14:38

Fair enough ask her to pay for the siblings food but to say that can't get involved in the party is just fucking spiteful.

Yes this. How horrible. When you have parties for young children it's really common people bring siblings along, I agree it's a bit rude if they don't ask etc, but part of throwing these parties is being prepared for stuff like this to happen.

If your tolerance levels for this sort of thing is low, I would say don't throw your DCs parties.

chipmonkey · 02/12/2015 14:48

This used to drive me insane but it obviously depends on who's throwing the party. Dh got caught out once when he brought ds2 to a party and the host mum exclaimed "Oh, why didn't you bring ds1?" as if it was obvious that siblings should turn up as well.
The next week, ds1 was invited to a different party and he brought ds2 along as well. Bad idea! The other Mum was not impressed and when he was collecting them he overheard her fuming to another parent that dh had "dumped the bloody kid on her!".

KinkyAfro · 02/12/2015 14:59

FFS so the OP has to pay for kids that weren't invited otherwise she's being spiteful? Fuck that!

If you're name's not on the list then you're not getting in, the parents have had plenty of time to organise childcare for any siblings and have been told what will happen if they don't. Their choice then whether their kid attends the party. Totally unacceptable to expect the host to pay extra for uninvited kids

KinkyAfro · 02/12/2015 14:59

*your, not you're

Cloudyflower · 02/12/2015 15:01

If you read my post properly you will see that I said it's fair enough to ask the parent to pay for the siblings food but spiteful to not leave them be involved in the party.

Cloudyflower · 02/12/2015 15:01

Kinky maybe you could go and help the op man the doors. Sneaky fucking 2 year olds wanting to join a party.

KinkyAfro · 02/12/2015 15:06

Cloudy, have you ever thought that the OP can't afford to cater for more people? What is she supposed to do then?

KinkyAfro · 02/12/2015 15:06

Surely you pay for the amount of kids doing whatever the activity is?

Cloudyflower · 02/12/2015 15:07

Kinky for the second time, if you read my post I said fair enough to ask the parent to pay for the siblings food. It doesn't cost to allow a child to play a few games.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/12/2015 15:08

But hate it when they just bloody turn up, and expect a party bag. I've had a fair few arrogant fuckers who have just turned up with their whole brood, barely even acknowledging us the hosts, and at the end the uninvited children have just come up without a word, expectantly holding out their spoilt little fucking hands for a party bag. I wish I had the balls to give my most passive-aggressive sweet smile and say really loudly "oh I'm so sorry Jemima, MUMMY DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE COMING so I'm afraid I haven't done a party bag for you". But I won't.

I've always written names on party bags, so obviously I've only done them for children I knew were intending (or who had been invited but not bothered to reply).

Re: the idea of siblings attending too, I think it entirely depends on the set up. A Wacky Warehouse type thing where you pay per head - no. If parents want an extra child to attend they definitely should pay for them. A village hall with games & a homemade buffet - yes, there's generally food left over anyway, the more the merrier.

Although why anyone is arranging a birthday party for a 2 year old when they're on a tight budget I don't know. Save it for when they're old enough to remember .

Cloudyflower · 02/12/2015 15:09

It depends what type of party it is but the op hasn't answered that.

I don't think anyone's said the op should swallow the cost of siblings attending it's more her attitude of i'll be reminding them that they are not to join in the party is spiteful and I stand by that.

Original poster

Tamponlady · 02/12/2015 15:10

No the invited boy is 2 and my daugter is 3 the boys sibling is olde primary age ffs

And I hVe already explained why I can't buy more party bags more, food pay for a bigger castle to accomadate more children,

Tbh I can't afford it and I just don't want to if I wanted 13 children I would of invited that number

It's just the fact I had to make it clear to this parent but serval other thought it ok to ask tbh you could easily end up with double the number you planned for if every
Child brought a sibling along

OP posts:

tbtc20 · 02/12/2015 15:11

I think the OP is well in her rights to keep the party just for her 2 yo and guests.

It's not fair on the Birthday child or their guests if his/her party becomes a free-for-all for siblings (regardless of whether they've paid or not).

Fine if the host parents are happy for that to happen, but it absolutely should NOT be expected or the host be regarded as spiteful if they just want a party for their child and their 12 little guests.

Cloudyflower · 02/12/2015 15:15

Yes well the op should of just said no siblings if she feels that strongly about it.

I do find the above post spiteful. Sounds like you can't really afford a party, surely at nursery they are usually whole class parties or a trip to the cinema or something with one friend.

Tokelau · 02/12/2015 15:23

I think it depends on the type of party, and also the siblings involved. If it doesn't cost any more and the sibling will join in without spoiling it for the others then it's not a problem. I have seen an older sibling join in with party games with much younger children, and almost win them all. On the other hand, I have seen older children join in with the little ones, but they made sure they didn't win themselves, and let the little ones win.

We had a party a few years ago. It was a pay per child thing, there was no food, but I had done party bags. Numbers were limited, so most people were polite and didn't bring siblings. One dad, who hadn't replied to the invitation, turned up with his child, two extra siblings, and they all took part. They didn't say hello to us, they didn't say happy birthday to DD, they didn't bring a card or present, (not that I care about the present, but it seemed rude with everything else), didn't say thank you at the end, they just came up and grabbed three party bags and left. I was too nice to say anything, but I was annoyed.

BarbarianMum · 02/12/2015 15:26

Why? I thought twins were 2 people. are they not allowed to have separate interests or friends?

BabyGanoush · 02/12/2015 15:28

such a joyless thread

just do a few extra party bags, I always did a few extra for sibs (can be just a bit of cake and a whistle/yoyo/bouncy ball). pennies stuff

Cloudyflower · 02/12/2015 15:30

We all know twins are 2 separate people but at nursery age friendships are usually transient hence full class parties.

BarbarianMum · 02/12/2015 15:32

Baby which part of 'on a budget' is the part you don't get? If the OP is short of money then pennies add up. If the OP can afford a party for 12 children it is fine for her to just invite 12, not expect to cater for 15.

choccywoccywoowah · 02/12/2015 15:32

I am new at this! My 3 yr old is invited to a toddler tennis party this weekend, and was just going to bring my 1 year old in the pram. But now I am thinking I should ring up and decline after seeing these comments

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