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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to still go on Holiday, without DSD??

474 replies

ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii · 26/08/2015 23:54

DSD (12) was due to arrive here today, until the end of the school holidays, as we are going on holiday on Friday, for a week.
DSD has just returned from a holiday abroad with her DM, SF, and their own toddler DS.
We have received a message that DSD she can't come to us yet, as she's too poorly to travel. They finished their holiday, and then after the plane touched down, drove straight home, called their local doctor out, who had her transfered to hospital. She is really unwell, and has been for a WEEK, while on holiday. An infection has been untreated, and got worse as the days went on.
DH phoned his DD's Mum, who said she'd been unwell for a few days on their holiday, but she didn't get a doctor to come out- as it would have been too expensive. DH said the Insurance should have covered that? But she said it didn't ie, she went on holiday without insurance?
If those tables were turned, and we brought her back to her Mum ill, no doctor seen and no insurance, there would be an absolute war on.
But this is the real problem- we are going on our own family holiday on Friday morning.
DSD, is now too ill to travel. She will not be fit to fly, let alone enjoy a holiday.
Her cheeky DM, says we should postpone our holiday, until DD is well enough to come.
We have refused. We don't see why our 3 other children should be disappointed and miss their holiday, because their Sister's Mum refused to seek treatment for her when she actually needed it? She would have been better by now, this was totally avoidable. Now DSD is back in the UK, too ill to have a holiday with us, we are being called every name under the sun, becuase we are still continuing with the Holiday. It is paid for, and we intend on going. DSD has after all just had a holiday, 3 DCs here haven't.
I just wanted opinions if possible. Would you go?

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 26/08/2015 23:56

Id go.

julesldn · 26/08/2015 23:58

Awkward situation but Id go too. Not like it's just you and DP that could rearrange - what about your 3 kids as well? A shame but what can you do!

Boardingblues · 27/08/2015 00:01

Ummm……. yeeeessssss!

DSD is 12, old enough to understand! Phone while you are away and bring home a nice gift.

overthemill · 27/08/2015 00:01

If my child was ill enough to be in hospital I would not want to go in holiday leaving them. What's the prognosis? I think I would want to know that before going off on holiday without my child. I can understand your frustration at the mum but this isn't the child's fault. What would you do if it was your child that was ill? Your own insurance would cover cancellation in these circumstances I would think. And maybe go away for few days next week when the child is well or go October half term.

Fatmomma99 · 27/08/2015 00:02

Point out (pointedly) that your insurance won't cover you for not going (if it does, of course!)

Don't blame you for still going, and DSD HAS had a holiday while you and your family haven't.

Have a lovely holiday, and hope she is better soon!

Finola1step · 27/08/2015 00:02

I'd go. What's the point in staying? You planned to have a holiday to round off the long summer break, stick to it. Things of course would be very different if your DSD was very poorly and your DH needed to be at the hospital. How poorly is she?

stayathomegardener · 27/08/2015 00:03

Ummmm what sort of illness is it?

Dancingquality · 27/08/2015 00:04

Of course I'd go. DSD will be looked after by her DM whilst she is Ill. you're not abandoning her to strangers.

It's completely impractical to postpone your family holiday.

She shouldn't be putting you in this position at all. She should just accept the fact dsd is Ill and can't go and that's that really.

allnewredfairy · 27/08/2015 00:05

It's unfortunate that she's poorly but I would travel without her. I don't think pointing the finger of blame to DSD's mum for delaying treatment is helping your argument.

Original poster
ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii · 27/08/2015 00:06

She has a Bronchial infection. Being treated with anti-biotics in hospital. I know it isn't DSD's fault, and we don't make the decision lightly.
The thing is, she needed medication a week ago. Her Mum ignored it to save money abroad, and its got worse, needing treatment at home NHS is free
Why is it fair to disappoint our three children here, to appease my DSD's mums poor choices?

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 27/08/2015 00:08

I would go, yes to nice present though.

Berthatydfil · 27/08/2015 00:08

How sad for dsd that she was so ill on holiday with her DM - I bet she had a really miserable time she's now in hospital and will miss her holiday with her df.
It's not your fault OP. Yes medical insurance abroad isn't cheap but that's what insurance is there for, it's. It isn't that expensive when you consider what even a cheap foreign boliday costs a family.

It must be quite serious too - she must have been quite poorly such that she now requires admitting to hospital.
It's a shame buts it's her mums fault and you and the other children shouldn't forgo your holiday just because her mum is negligent cross.

Blu · 27/08/2015 00:09

Oh, poor girl.

It's tricky because now presumably is your DP's week. His responsibility. Suppose her Mum has plans ?

You don't mention this being a problem, so maybe it isn't.

If it is, and / or if your DP is too worried about her to go on hol, then you take the kids on your own.

No point any more people than necessary missing a holiday !

Original poster
ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii · 27/08/2015 00:09

Before anyone thinks I am Mother-Bashing, ask yourself, if your Child was sick abroad, where is the first place you would be? There are pictures on DSD's Facebook page, of her DM and SF poolside with cocktail in hand, while she is asleep ill on the deckchair behind them, looking not well at all.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 27/08/2015 00:10

Medical treatment abroad

NickiFury · 27/08/2015 00:10

I wouldn't go if I were her parent/Dad. But I know ex would in a heart beat so I guess people think differently about things.

NickiFury · 27/08/2015 00:11

Oh and I would have had her treated abroad. Her Mum sounds neglectful.

Original poster
ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii · 27/08/2015 00:13

I want her with us, she's my little Sidekick Smile but this is the one time we could get as a family together all year. We are 48hours away and can't re-arrange. We don't want to, and are just upset that she wasn't treated when she needed it. She would be here now if she had been.

OP posts:
Dancingquality · 27/08/2015 00:15

The antibiotics will clear it up. It's not a bad enough illness to warrant cancelling your plans. What good would your DH be stuck at home anyway. None that's what. You'll be back before she knows it.

trollkonor · 27/08/2015 00:19

Would your own holiday insurance deal with postponing? plus considering booked off work days, not forgetting other kids school summer holidays?

If it doesn't make a financial + get to re arrange previously work booked time off sense then it has to be no. Sad but thats the way it is.

Postponing at very short notuce could mean loosing most of the money of the holiday cost, probably better for her to take her on a special day out.

Berthatydfil · 27/08/2015 00:21

Yes nikki I think it's neglectful to leave a child get so ill they need admission to hospital rather than spend a few ££ either getting insurance in advance or treatment when needed.

Blu · 27/08/2015 00:28

I bet she will be MUCH better in 49 hours , now she is on ABs. Just go, and take her with you . If you are going within Europe take her EHIC.

lunar1 · 27/08/2015 00:29

Won't her dad want to be with her given her mum seems to have neglected her? I'd have thought that the holiday would be the last thing on his mind right now. What she has done has huge implications for the future.

coffeeisnectar · 27/08/2015 00:49

Poor girl. I'd go but bring back something special for her.

Lookingforwardtoholiday · 27/08/2015 03:15

Erm, if your DH's daughter is in hospital will he really feel happy going on holiday? Wouldn't he feel that he ought to be around at least until she's home?

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