..to still go on Holiday, without DSD??

[ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii]

DSD (12) was due to arrive here today, until the end of the school holidays, as we are going on holiday on Friday, for a week.
DSD has just returned from a holiday abroad with her DM, SF, and their own toddler DS.
We have received a message that DSD she can't come to us yet, as she's too poorly to travel. They finished their holiday, and then after the plane touched down, drove straight home, called their local doctor out, who had her transfered to hospital. She is really unwell, and has been for a WEEK, while on holiday. An infection has been untreated, and got worse as the days went on.
DH phoned his DD's Mum, who said she'd been unwell for a few days on their holiday, but she didn't get a doctor to come out- as it would have been too expensive. DH said the Insurance should have covered that? But she said it didn't ie, she went on holiday without insurance?
If those tables were turned, and we brought her back to her Mum ill, no doctor seen and no insurance, there would be an absolute war on.
But this is the real problem- we are going on our own family holiday on Friday morning.
DSD, is now too ill to travel. She will not be fit to fly, let alone enjoy a holiday.
Her cheeky DM, says we should postpone our holiday, until DD is well enough to come.
We have refused. We don't see why our 3 other children should be disappointed and miss their holiday, because their Sister's Mum refused to seek treatment for her when she actually needed it? She would have been better by now, this was totally avoidable. Now DSD is back in the UK, too ill to have a holiday with us, we are being called every name under the sun, becuase we are still continuing with the Holiday. It is paid for, and we intend on going. DSD has after all just had a holiday, 3 DCs here haven't.
I just wanted opinions if possible. Would you go?

[patterkiller]

There's 5 other people who have been really looking forward to this holiday.
Yes but only one of those five needs to delay a day or two. It really doesn't have to be all or nothing. People are being very dramatic.

[patterkiller]

Then I really don't know why you posted if it was going to happen anyway.

[Cabrinha]

But why isn't her father staying home?

[Lj8893]

I think you dh should stay at home to take care of his poorly dd, especially since it is his time with her.
You and your 3 dc should still go on holiday though.

[diddl]

So her mother doesn't care enough to get her treatment when she's ill & her father doesn't care enough to stay with her when she's in hospital?

Poor kid!

[MissDuke]

I understand why you don't want to cancel, I also have a child with autism. However I definitely think the father should be staying home and joining you later with DSD if she is well enough. Otherwise, dh needs to arrange a trip just him and dsd as soon as possible, even if it's just a weekend. The poor girl must be feeling very low down in everyone's priorities right now

[OllyBJolly]

OP - you have to stop piling the blame on the DSD's mother. DSD is ill, these things happen. Her mother may well have decided to hold on until she get back not to save money but to see an English speaking GP she knew and trusted. And quite possibly, the illness would have looked fluey so not something you would take to a doctor's surgery. Unless you have had a full and honest conversation with her, you do not know why the doctor was not consulted.

Best solution as I see it is that you go with your children and DH and DDS join you later.

(There were nine of us going on holiday, recently. SIL couldn't travel due to pregnancy complications and insurance refunded costs in full for whole party - me, DH, DD, FIL, MIL, and the four of their family. But agree, no need for other kids to miss out on holiday.)

[ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii]

DH rang DSD's Mum this morning. Asking if, as soon as DSD is able to travel, if we pay to change her flight, we would meet her in Arrivals, and that way she will still be able to come on Holiday?
She said her own DH is back at work on Monday, and she doesn't like Motorway driving. Also her toddler DS gets car sick, so she couldn't bring her to the airport herself. We really can't win.

[EnthusiasmDisturbed]

If ds was in hospital I would not be going away and I would not expect his dad (my ex) to go away I would certainly be questioning his commitment if he did

I can understand why you would be pissed off with her mother but it's irrelevant right now and the situation is your dsd is in hospital

Things happen in life and plans have to change it's upsetting and frustrating unless you can go on your own and you dh join you later I am not sure what the other option you have

[pilates]

Op, perhaps when DSD is better you could devote a weekend doing some special things she would like to do to make up for missing the holiday. Have a good holiday.

[Paddingtonsmarmaladesandwiches]

I really feel for you and your kids. Cancelling a holiday due to a family illness is very disappointing. I absolutely wouldn't go though. I think at a minimum your DH is a acting like a complete deadbeat dad in leaving a child in hospital to go on holiday. I also think that regardless of the disappointment to your other kids there would be no question of going if it was one of your own in hospital. Poor DSD. None of her parents care enough to inconvenience themselves whilst she is ill. I hope you all really enjoy yourselves whilst you're away. I'm afraid my conscience wouldn't permit me to.

[PosterEh]

I don't think organising a holiday with her later on really cuts it. He is her dad NOW not just when it suits him/when she's well.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Yes you can op. Your dh can stay behind and bring her when she's better.

[Lj8893]

So why doesn't your dh remain at home and then bring her out to the holiday when she's feeling up to it, if you are able to change flights.
Many people have suggested that your dh should stay at home with his dd but you have ignored those suggestions.

[EnthusiasmDisturbed]

Mmm I think what she is saying is fuck you if you can't be arsed to stay around while your daughter is in hospital I am not going to be running around to make it all ok for you

Which I sort of get

[LittleLionMansMummy]

And I still think you're preoccupied with all this being caused by your dsd's mother, which isn't helping you to see this more clearly.

[diddl]

"we would meet her in Arrivals, and that way she will still be able to come on Holiday?"

So you expect her to travel alone after just being in hospital?

Why can't/won't your husband wait for a couple of days & fly out with her?

[PosterEh]

It would be nice if her dm was more cooperative but maybe she is hacked off that your dh is behaving as if his parental responsibilities are optional.

[HaPPy8]

There is no way on earth i would go abroad on holiday while one of my children was ill in hospital. You are massively unreasonable.

[Geraniumred]

I'd go- but contact her everyday and maybe send flowers or a box of some lovely things for while you are away. I think communicating with her how disappointed you are she can't be with you is quite important.

[RandomSocks]

I think you should go on your holiday as planned.

It is a pity that DSD cannot come this year due to illhealth, but she is now being well looked after and it is not neglect to leave her at home with her DM.

It was neglect of her DM not to have got an infection treated earlier.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I'd agree with others that your DH should stay behind and come out with his DD when she is better, if she is well enough to travel, bearing in mind that you are only going for a week. No reason for the rest of you to miss your holiday.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I'd cancel my holiday in an instant if ds was in hospital. Why can you not see that it's your dh who now needs to step up and rise above his ex's failings?