..to still go on Holiday, without DSD??

[ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii]

DSD (12) was due to arrive here today, until the end of the school holidays, as we are going on holiday on Friday, for a week.
DSD has just returned from a holiday abroad with her DM, SF, and their own toddler DS.
We have received a message that DSD she can't come to us yet, as she's too poorly to travel. They finished their holiday, and then after the plane touched down, drove straight home, called their local doctor out, who had her transfered to hospital. She is really unwell, and has been for a WEEK, while on holiday. An infection has been untreated, and got worse as the days went on.
DH phoned his DD's Mum, who said she'd been unwell for a few days on their holiday, but she didn't get a doctor to come out- as it would have been too expensive. DH said the Insurance should have covered that? But she said it didn't ie, she went on holiday without insurance?
If those tables were turned, and we brought her back to her Mum ill, no doctor seen and no insurance, there would be an absolute war on.
But this is the real problem- we are going on our own family holiday on Friday morning.
DSD, is now too ill to travel. She will not be fit to fly, let alone enjoy a holiday.
Her cheeky DM, says we should postpone our holiday, until DD is well enough to come.
We have refused. We don't see why our 3 other children should be disappointed and miss their holiday, because their Sister's Mum refused to seek treatment for her when she actually needed it? She would have been better by now, this was totally avoidable. Now DSD is back in the UK, too ill to have a holiday with us, we are being called every name under the sun, becuase we are still continuing with the Holiday. It is paid for, and we intend on going. DSD has after all just had a holiday, 3 DCs here haven't.
I just wanted opinions if possible. Would you go?

[iPaid]

OP - if one of your DC were ill enough to be in hospital, would you be happy for your DP to go abroad on holiday?

Thought not.

[Bulbasaur]

Yes, this is clearly the mother's fault 100%.

But the one paying the price for all this is the girl who had no say in the matter.

I'm not saying don't go, but justifying it by saying you shouldn't have to accommodate the mother's stupid decision is ignoring the fact that a 12 year old girl just had one cruddy holiday and is now missing out on another entirely.

I'd still go, but don't expect the 12 year old to think "Oh this is because my mom was dumb" instead of "My dad didn't want to wait to take me on holiday with him". Just be mindful of her feelings is all I'm saying.

[Cabrinha]

I think you and your kids should go.

I think your husband should stay home to look after her, partly because his child is ill enough to be in hospital. Partly because it's his week so it's his responsibility - no matter how annoying that is.

If the ABs work quickly, they can fly out later.

You've been scathing about the morher's lack of travel insurance. Have you covered yourself for family illness preventing travel?

[RachelZoe]

You and the kids should go yes, but re your DH, if one of my children was in hospital I wouldn't be going anywhere, and would be a little at any parent who did to be honest.

[NZmonkey]

agree with those saying you and kids should go and use your travel insurance for your DH and DSD to join you when she is well. It would be pretty tough to expect DH to leave his daughter in hospital on his week and go off and have a good time.

[googoodolly]

You should go with the DC and DH should stay behind. If DSD gets better they can always fly out a couple of days later.

[ValancyJane]

I'd go, but would offer that if your DSD was feeling better in a day or two (ie still a lot of holiday left) look at flying her out as an unaccompanied minor to join you. If she can't, I agree a nice present is in order (and maybe a day out to look forward to soon).

[TheoriginalLEM]

I'd not go on holiday and leave my child in hospital. if she was recovering at home, fine but she is in hospital for a reason.

[JeanSeberg]

Sounds like bother parents are pretty flaky tbh.

[takemetomars]

For God's sake, it is a week away. DSD is in hospital with a chest infection, she is not going to die. OP, go on holiday, I would do the same. Your children need it. Divided families deal with these scenarios all of the time, DH should not feel gulity, ignore protestations from DSD's mum.
Bollocks to DH staying home/coming when DSD is well!

[Toffeelatteplease]

So not ok for the mum and stepdad to be sipping pins coladas on holiday while there daughter is ill but ok for you and her dad too?

Totally get where you were coming from up until that point. Cancel on your own travel insurance.

[Hedgehogsdontbite]

Poor child. Two sets of parents who all prioritise their own holiday over her.

[twirlypoo]

Honestly? There's not a chance in hell I would leave my child in hospital and go on holiday without them - and I would judge like billyo your dh if he did (sorry, I know that sounds harsh) he is the one who will come across feckless in this, not the mum (who will do the whole "she's so poorly, we rushed her straight to hospital off the plane and he's just left her to go swanning off" thing)

The poor girl is obviously unwell enough to need a week of hospital treatment - she needs one of her parents to stop being selfish and put her best interests at heart.

In your situation I would go with my kids, dh stay with his daughter and then then join you If that's possible later down the line.

It's awful situation for you, I'm sorry, but a decent parent wouldn't be off on their jollies with a sick child hospitalised back at home.

[Cabrinha]

I'd quite like to hear the mum's side of it too.
Yes, the girl was unwell. But don't most of us wait a few days before going to a GP, even when we know how to do it, it's in English and free?
Many childhood illnesses are self limiting.
OK, so the poor kid is looking ill on a sun lounger, but - it happens.
I know plenty of very responsible parents who have delayed seeing a GP for what they thought was a minor big feeling awful when it turns out it's an infection and ABs are prescribed.

[whattodohatethis]

How mean that she is basically being punished for being ill. She gets ill so doesn't enjoy the first holiday and then gets go miss the second one as well? How nice.

It is really mean to leave her at home in hospital and swan off on holiday without her.

At the very least your DH should stay home until she is well enough and then they should both fly out to join you

[Penfold007]

How does your H feel about going abroad whilst his eldest child is poorly and in hospital? I would be at my child's bedside and no doubt he is.

You have travel insurance, get a sick certificate for DSD and either cancel the whole holiday or you take the three younger children whilst H stays with the eldest.

Sadly illness happens and holidays get cancelled.

[Hissy]

Insurance would cover dh to postpone, but no one else.

Are you all insured? Is dsd's holiday with you all insured?

[wannaBe]

There very much seems to be a "not a chance I would let my children go without for the sake of someone else's child," mentality going on on this thread. How many of the people saying that they would go and bring back a nice present would be happy to do this if this was their own child? But because it's a stepchild, as usual they have to come second to the resident children.

If one of the op's children were ill they would have no choice but to cancel, presumably the op wouldn't be saying "well, their dad is here so he should look after ill dc so the others don't have to go without."

This has nothing to do with the mum's inability to treat the child while on holiday, it has to do with the place this child is perceived to have in the family, not a very important one it would seem. There is not a chance in hell I would be leaving my child at home and going off on holiday without him. Even if he wasn't in hospital, he would be staying at home with me.

presumably dd's mum has other plans for while her dd is away anyway? so wouldn't be in a position to look after her anyway? The expectation is that the dd is spending the next week with her dad, if he cancels that in order to go on holiday then he is a selfish arsehole.

[OhBigHairyBollocks]

I don't know about your insurance covering you all for cancellation. Another one here saying leave DH and take the other kids.

[ProudAS]

It doesn't sound like a case of waiting a few days to see how things went, it sounds more like DSD's mum was more bothered about money than child's health and didn't bother with insurance. There are times when you can say "I'll give it a few days and see how things go" and times when medical attention is obviously needed pronto.

OP - how practical would it be to take the DC on your own? It may be your DP's week to have his DD but his ex is to blame for the situation and needs to face the consequences. Is her welfare going to suffer if DP goes on holiday with you? Sounds like her mum is happy for her to get treatment so long as it is free.

[temperato]

Of course you should go!

She's already had a holiday - why should the other children miss theirs?

The step child thing is relevant but not because she's less important, but because she lives with her mother and her mother will be with her.

I can't imagine anybody cancelling under these circumstances.

[DoreenLethal]

Can you postpone [did you look into it]?

I definitely think that he should stay behind and if she gets better, join you later. Surely he would want to be with her rather than being on his own holiday during his week?

[fiorentina]

As much as I understand you feeling upset about the situation, your DH has parental responsibility for his daughter for these weeks, he cannot leave her behind? Imagine the scenario that she had been too ill to go with her mum on holiday and they'd called and said she would be left with you? How would that have appeared? I think that's your answer, however frustrating this is, sorry.