..to still go on Holiday, without DSD??

[ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii]

DSD (12) was due to arrive here today, until the end of the school holidays, as we are going on holiday on Friday, for a week.
DSD has just returned from a holiday abroad with her DM, SF, and their own toddler DS.
We have received a message that DSD she can't come to us yet, as she's too poorly to travel. They finished their holiday, and then after the plane touched down, drove straight home, called their local doctor out, who had her transfered to hospital. She is really unwell, and has been for a WEEK, while on holiday. An infection has been untreated, and got worse as the days went on.
DH phoned his DD's Mum, who said she'd been unwell for a few days on their holiday, but she didn't get a doctor to come out- as it would have been too expensive. DH said the Insurance should have covered that? But she said it didn't ie, she went on holiday without insurance?
If those tables were turned, and we brought her back to her Mum ill, no doctor seen and no insurance, there would be an absolute war on.
But this is the real problem- we are going on our own family holiday on Friday morning.
DSD, is now too ill to travel. She will not be fit to fly, let alone enjoy a holiday.
Her cheeky DM, says we should postpone our holiday, until DD is well enough to come.
We have refused. We don't see why our 3 other children should be disappointed and miss their holiday, because their Sister's Mum refused to seek treatment for her when she actually needed it? She would have been better by now, this was totally avoidable. Now DSD is back in the UK, too ill to have a holiday with us, we are being called every name under the sun, becuase we are still continuing with the Holiday. It is paid for, and we intend on going. DSD has after all just had a holiday, 3 DCs here haven't.
I just wanted opinions if possible. Would you go?

[nephrofox]

If I had 4 children and one was too ill to go on a family holiday, one parent woukd stay behind (probably mum) and the rest would all go as planned. Your DH should stay behind and join you when she's better

This situation is even more straightforward as she is your dhs child

[AyeAmarok]

Your DH should stay with her and then they can both come out and join the rest of you when the DD can manage it.

[whatawhoppar]

day 06:25 Toffeelatteplease

So not ok for the mum and stepdad to be sipping pins coladas on holiday while there daughter is ill but ok for you and her dad too?

Totally get where you were coming from up until that point. Cancel on your own travel insurance

that's not even remotely the same. they are going on holiday without dsd because shes too ill. unlike the girls mother who had her get even more ill to save cash and not ruin the holiday by spending it at an overseas hospital.

go on your holiday. its not the girls fault shes ill, but neither is it yours. this is her mothers fault not yours

[Despondentlyyours]

At 12 I think she would understand but if I was your DH I would see how she is today as if she is responding well to antibiotics it's is likely she will be discharged. What has the doc said?

If she gets worse then your insurance won't pay out for you return early.

[CalmYourselfTubbs]

go on holiday.
DSD's mum is a fucking cheeky mare.

[Osolea]

Your DH is an arse if he goes on holiday while one of his children is in hospital.

[PosterEh]

If it's your dh's week to have dd he can't just cancel because it's inconvenient. Or is he only her parent when she is well? If she got ill whilst staying with him would her mother refuse to have her back until she was well again? He doesn't get to pick and choose when he is her dad.

[patterkiller]

Ok, so imagine it's your daughter, you have just found out that your feckless ex has been negligent on holiday with your dds health. But your have a holiday booked, oh the inconvenience of it.
Would you

A) say fuck it. My 'new'family deserve a holiday. It's not my fault. See ya.

B) send your 'new' family on holiday staying behind until your dd feels well enough to travel and join the holiday a few days later (all covered by insurance)

I honestly think your DH is a total twat if he doesn't stay with her. No it's not his fault but that certainly doesn't absolve him of responsibility.

[Witchend]

It isn't necessarily the dm just avoiding medical fees.
When dd1 had pneumonia I didn't take her for 3 days because it didn't present badly.
She told me her shoulder hurt. I checked, she had full movement. She didn't have a temperature, she wasn't sick, I asked if she wanted to pull out of the dance show that day, she said no.
I assumed she had mildly pulled a muscle.

She did the dance show, said it wasn't any better, but please could she still go to the swimming party that evening.
She came back happy and very tired. I gave her a bit of Calpol and she slept fine. Did the shows the next day.
Monday it was still hurting, so I said I was going to make a doctor's appointment, and she begged me to let her go to school and make the appointment for afterschool. She was a little pale, but nothing else, until we got half way to school (40minute walk) when she went grey and sat down.
We walked back with her protesting all the way that she was fine and would be okay at school.
Turned out to be pneumonia with statistics that the Dr said she shouldn't have even been able to stand up with, took three lots of antibiotics simultaneously to clear and would have been hospitalised except the Dr agreed that she could stay at home as she was getting distressed but he visited twice a day instead.

Two days into the antibiotics she actually looked and sounded a lot worse as the antibiotics had loosened the blockage.

I think you should go. If it was one of my dc I'd tell dh to go and I'd stay with whichever one was ill... In fact that was what we did. I kept him up to date by text what was happening. If he'd not gone he would just have been him looking after the younger pair at home anyway. He phoned and talked to her, sent postcards and brought back a present.

And actually she felt grotty enough for about 6 weeks afterwards that she wouldn't have wanted to go away, all she wanted was her own bed and comfort.

[NaughtToThreeSadOnions]

I think there's a lot of double standards on the mothers part, but why would you leave a child in hospital. How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot, DsD had had a fall during your week with her and ended up needing hospital treatment and the mother had gone oh well New DH and child and I are still going on holiday, she had the accident with you why should it spoil MY holiday?! How would your DsD feel seeing her mother disappear when she was so unwell and you and your DP having to be the ones coming with the im missing mum I was really looking forward to that holiday?!

Yes a 12 year old is old enough to understand but 12 is still pretty Young, and hospital is s miserable place, she's not really had a holiday it sounds like she's had a pretty miserable time. Shes probably been looking forward to seeing her dad and you as you say your close.

It's a shame for your other kids but unfortantly siblings get ill, it could be any one of them some day.

I understand why your annoyed but I think your Dp has definate responsiablity and like others have said I don't get why he'd even think of going on holiday when his child was in hospital, as treatable as her illness is she's still in hospital they don't just admit for anything. And it's hard because you've all been looking forward to it but it's really unfair on a little girl who's not had the best holiday now she's not even at home she's in hospital!

[NerrSnerr]

If she is on IV antibiotics she might be ok to go on holiday next week, she might not be on top form but she could be well enough.

If she isn't I think your husband has to stay with her. Is there any chance you can be postpone?

[BoGrainger]

What does dsd say about it all? Presumably her dad has seen her and spoken to her. She is his responsibility from Friday though and regardless of whose fault it is, I think he should stay with her and fly out later if she feels up to it. Poor girl. Definitely arrange another holiday with her for half term to give her something to look forward to!

[UhtredOfBebbanburg]

I think that it's the OP's other 3 kids that should have a holiday arranged for them in half term should their one and only holiday be cancelled! As far as insurance goes, since the DSD is part of the holiday party it might pay up - but quite possibly only if the whole holiday is cancelled. Very few posters seem to be considering the OPs other 3 kids - who are presumably younger than DSD - in all this. However, I do agree with the people saying cancel if the insurance will allow that. If the OP's DH were to go on holiday, he would likely be worried and miserable the whole time. That wouldn't be great for the 3 kids. And DSD will probably want her dad around while she is in hospital. It's a shitty situation though, and I really feel for the OP and her 3 kids. DSD's DM sounds like a real piece of work. I'm particularly about the idea that she might have 'her own plans' for the week. When her daughter is hospital? Really??

[19lottie82]

What a shame for your DSD, but I have to say, you can't let the other 3 kids down. Go on your holiday and try to arrange some other kind of mini break, or fun days out, for DSD, when she is back on her feet.

[patterkiller]

DSD's DM sounds like a real piece of work. I'm particularly hmm about the idea that she might have 'her own plans' for the week. When her daughter is hospital? Really?

But isn't this ^ exactly what the ops DH is doing. Having plans when his DD is in hospital. Talk about double standards.

[SouthWestmom]

It's really crap for the other dc to cancel and probably divisive within the family - they lose something they've been looking forward to right before going back to school.
I'd go, it's not life threatening.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

God I hate these 'step' threads for many reasons, but mostly because all the adults are so preoccupied with playing title for tat, petty point scoring and being at each other's throats that the poor children's needs get completely overlooked. And I speak as a step parent of 13 years who has a lot of experience of this.

Quite frankly if my dh was still prepared to go on holiday while his daughter was in hospital I'd be questioning why I was with him. And if I was the sort of wife that made him choose between the child we have together and the child he had with another woman then I'd question why he was with me. This isn't an ingrowing toenail - she is being treated intravenously with antibiotics and is too ill to leave the hospital let alone fly.

If my dsd was in this situation I would be more concerned for her and ensuring she knew we had stayed and she hadn't been abandoned. Apart from anything else, how do you think she'll feel about you all buggering off without her? You'll be storing up all kinds of trouble for the future by setting a line in the sand between 'your family' and her.

Seriously op, what is your relationship like with her on the whole? I mean, taking the adults' squabbles out of it?

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

Where does the extra annual leave magically appear from if they cancel? I'm pretty sure insurance doesn't cover that.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Why does it have to be all or nothing though? Couldn't they consider delaying by a few days? Could the op and other dc go, her dh stay behind until dsd is well enough to fly?

[iamanintrovert]

If she's being well cared for in hospital, there's no reason not to go on your holiday.

[iamanintrovert]

There's 5 other people who have been really looking forward to this holiday.

[pilates]

Op, has your husband spoken to the hospital to see how she is responding to the antibiotics and what the prognosis for her recovery is likely to be? I think that would be my first port of call and then review the situation.

I would be fuming if DSD's mother had taken her away without insurance.

How does your DH feel about the situation?

[UhtredOfBebbanburg]

Petter killer not really no, because I said that I didn't think he should go. DSD's DM though prioritized finishing her holiday before getting her daughter medical attention. So it's clear where her priorities lay.

[ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii]

We can't postpone because there is less than 24 hours until we are due to fly. We've been to see DSD obviously, she is responding well to the Anti-biotics.
Cancelling isn't an option, DS1 has Autism, he gets really upset at last minute changes and DD1 and 2 would be absolutely heartbroken.
I'm glad some MN'ers don't think I'm a heartless SM from Hell for still thinking we should still go.
It isn't something that will be done lightly. We are damned if we do, damned if we don't.