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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really pissed off with MIL

227 replies

Sandbrook · 25/05/2015 22:08

MILs 7th birthday this week. Of late she was speaking of never getting a chance to go away/hotel break etc etc.
So DH and I gave her a voucher for a nights stay in a 4 star hotel about 45 mins from home bearing in mind she's not a great traveller.
Just off the phone to SIL who's told me MIL has given the voucher to her other son and wife to treat them. Unsure whether she regifted letting them believe she paid for it or not. But still I'm fucking annoyed as if she didn't want the voucher I would have happily taken it back and used it as a much needed break for DH and I.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 25/05/2015 22:12

Perhaps tell yourself that you gave a gift and once given its up to the recipient what they do with it and that ultimately her gift was the pleasure she got from giving?

Don't get me wrong, I'd be doing some serious teeth grinding Grin but in the end that's what I'd tell myself because the alternative is to be pissed off and that only makes you feel bad.

hesterton · 25/05/2015 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 25/05/2015 22:13

Yeah that would piss me off tbh

NerrSnerr · 25/05/2015 22:15

I'd be tempted to mention it every time you see her, asking if she's booked it, telling her local things to do etc. That's because I'm a bit of a bitch though.

Topseyt · 25/05/2015 22:16

I'd be annoyed too, but is your MIL really only 7? Seems slightly young to me. Confused

chairmeoh · 25/05/2015 22:18

Are you sure it's the same voucher? Maybe she got the other son a voucher so they could all go together? (Clutches at straws)

mindthegap79 · 25/05/2015 22:20

If she's only 7, I think you need to let her off Grin

If she's actually a bit older though I'd be feckin' annoyed and would probably be unable to resist being a bit snappy, or sarky, or both about it. But I can be a bit immature when I'm cross. Previous posters are right - it's hers to do what she wants with. Grrr though.

chippednailvarnish · 25/05/2015 22:20

Next birthday buy her a pair of secondhand tan tights, like to see her re-gift them! YANBU

LindyHemming · 25/05/2015 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janethegirl · 25/05/2015 22:24

I'd get her a pot pourri next birthday as she's an idiot. Why get something nice for someone who does not appreciate it!

Original poster
Sandbrook · 25/05/2015 22:25

Liking the ideas, thanks!
I know I know, it's hers to do with as she wants but it still gets on my wick.
It is Def the same voucher, SIL was witness to the handover.

Sorry she's 70 Grin
I feel like the 7 year old having a tantrum because the recipient didn't use my voucher the way I intended

OP posts:
Fluffcake · 25/05/2015 22:27

Think your dh needs to have a word with her. Seems very ungrateful to pass gift on (if that is the case). If she didn't want it, she should have offered it back to you first.

Fluffcake · 25/05/2015 22:29

X posts op. Didn't sil say anything at the time? Long lines of sandbrook will be really disappointed that you are not going yourself.
Also, if bil knew it was a gift from you to mil, he shouldn't have accepted it.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 25/05/2015 22:30

yabu. You gave her a gift. She didn't want to use it, she gave it to someone else. I bet you've done the same before.
You had no right to have it back from her, once you gave it thats the end of your involvement.

Whatamuckingfuddle · 25/05/2015 22:30

Yanbu, really hurtful and poor form. I have no advice, sorry

ememem84 · 25/05/2015 22:34

I'd ask her whether she's booked it yet. And agree re giving advice about things to do in the area. but sometimes I can be a cow

thinkfast · 25/05/2015 22:34

What nerrsnerr said

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 25/05/2015 22:39

I don't think yabu. It's quite hurtful, rude if she has pretended she paid for it when 'regifting', and if she honestly didn't want it she could have given it back. It's one thing never using a gift, quite another to blatantly give it away!

It will inevitably come up again, I'd just be straight about it. Say 'sorry mil, we thought you'd like a break! We'll run gifts past you in future, make sure it's within your ballpark Smile'. Poliite, but also lets her know that 'regifting' gets back to you.

cerealqueen · 25/05/2015 22:41

Was it for her to go away on her own? Maybe she didn't want to be on her own?

Still rude though.

Tell her 'guess what, we can come away with you' and see what she says.

BeCool · 25/05/2015 22:42

I would be upset too.

Next time give her chocolates and then eat them all in front of her nor tequila. Yes give her tequila.

Or the nude tightsGrin

Can'

Original poster
Sandbrook · 25/05/2015 22:42

No Fluffcake, SIL was not 100% until she asked me where the hotel was. So was only confirmed afterward.

Winter, I really get that if it was a smaller gift but £200 later I cannot be that magnanimous Blush

OP posts:
MadameJulienBaptiste · 25/05/2015 22:42

Tbh I wouldn't want a one night stay in a hotel just a short hop away.
what's the point of it unless you need to stay over for a wedding etc
2 night stay somewhere a bit further away, great. but just one night? And did you give her any choice in where it was? You don't mention a fil. If there isn't one then does she want to go away for one night on her own. Perhaps she Hanker after coming on a break with you and gcs, not to be sent away on her own.

drudgetrudy · 25/05/2015 22:44

I think it was really thoughtless to take a gift from one child and re-gift it to the other.

When you give a gift you do relinquish control over it but I do think her actions were hurtful. YANBU
I wouldn't make an issue of it but I wouldn't go to trouble over gifts for her again.

Original poster
Sandbrook · 25/05/2015 22:49

Thanks Madame, it was something she had told us she longed for with or without FIL.
A friend of hers had stayed at this spa last year and she expressed interest in it.
Your post has got me thinking though, I should not just assume.
I still think though she could have told us she didn't want it and offer it back

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 25/05/2015 22:50

What NerrSnerr said, and I like Whatamucking's "bad form". Spot on!

However, I had a v controlling father who thought he had rights over gifts given. He hadn't, and I'm afraid nor have you.

That doesn't mean it's not galling, and doesn't mean you should rush to be so generous again.

And the assertive thing to do would be to mention it, and say how disappointed you are that she didn't like the gift enough to use it. But also REALLY like NerrSnerr's idea (cos I'm a biatch too)!!! I'd ask to see photos!