to be really pissed off with MIL

[Sandbrook]

MILs 7th birthday this week. Of late she was speaking of never getting a chance to go away/hotel break etc etc.
So DH and I gave her a voucher for a nights stay in a 4 star hotel about 45 mins from home bearing in mind she's not a great traveller.
Just off the phone to SIL who's told me MIL has given the voucher to her other son and wife to treat them. Unsure whether she regifted letting them believe she paid for it or not. But still I'm fucking annoyed as if she didn't want the voucher I would have happily taken it back and used it as a much needed break for DH and I.

Winter you're really making me think aren't you? Good for you, like to hear all opinions. It's why I posted.
Gut feeling? no I don't think mil is using her as an excuse. DH felt the same when talking to her. SIL is the kind of person that gets annoyed when others buy new things/go on holidays/upgrade cars as she feels she deserves them more. Has been known to cry at a housewarming because the house was bigger than hers.
Mil explanation doesn't surprise me and DH really had to work to get a reason out of her

Yay, great news. Well done you. I would double check if mil doesn't really want to go, get her another pressie and enjoy your spa break !!

So pleased your grasping SIL getting her nose out of joint. Also at her crying at housewarmings!

Very well done OP .

And even if Winter's theory proved correct, the cancellation/re-issue would just set MIL and SIL at each other's throats, which would be well-deserved by both. Whereas if it's not correct, MIL gets her pressie back and SIL gets a lesson in not being a grabby fucker. Win-win whatever the situation.

Just occurred to me as a possibility, obviously I have no reason to think it or knowledge of the people involved. I like to give unpopular viewpoints

Oh, this is gold!

Can't believe the grabby antics if the SIL. What a vulture! I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she finds out it's cancelled!

Ho ho!

Telling SIL directly doesn't fill me with as much joy as her DH being the one to tell her. And I hope her fb friends wonder why her "Spa treat" has gone to pot.

I love a challenge Winter, don't ever change

Is she going to turn up?!
Brilliant!!

No Icelolly, DH is going to ring his brother tomorrow to tell him though maybe he'll forget

It's DHs brother CactusAnnie

Hi. I posted v early on this thread (about page 2) and haven't seen it since. Just spent last hour reading.

Sand - I wrote something quite harsh to you, for which I feel terrible. I stand by saying 'once a gift is given, it's for the recipient to decide how to use it', because I do think that's true. But I am so kicking myself for negating your feelings of upset, which I now totally understand (and this was all before I got to the "big reveal" [sometimes AIBU is SO much better than telly!!!!!]). So I would like to personally apologize to you, even though I hope you've forgotten my message now.

So, think you're DH is lovely, and you're lucky to have him.

There's been some wonderful suggestions and support on this thread (unlike mine). Can't remember them all, but they've been amazing.

And had some other comments, but they're ALL negated by the Big Reveal. Please, please let everyone (not me, because I don't deserve it, although I will shamelessly lurk!) know how it pans out.

Also, I hope you and your DH get some quality time together at some point.

And, VERY generous gift, btw!

I'm just a rubbernecker. I have nothing to add as everyone's already said it all.

sandbrook please let your dh forget
fatmomma that's a very decent apology,don't think you were as bad as you think really

Fatmomma I had to go back and read your post, honestly did not see a thing wrong with it. You expressed your opinion of which I was grateful for and I totally get the gift thing you spoke of. Please don't feel the need to apologise, hands up I posted here as of I complained to my friends and family I would have been given the I'm right she's wrong speech. Which I will always appreciate as they are my life's support but you don't always get the cold truth. Sometimes they don't make you question yourself in the right way if that makes sense. Whereas the public on an online forum are willing to give cold hard truths that are designed to make your brain work in a different way than you are used to. And I welcome that.
Thank you so much for the post and the honesty. Bring it on I say

Cannot get over crying at a housewarming

If you get the duplicate voucher, are you going to give it to your mil? Or get her some American tan rights and go on a lovely weekend break with your DH?

My MIL liked to listen to radio so we bought her an expensive digital one. A couple of months ago she said to DH son that she did not use it and he may as well take a it. DH son left it so I told DH to pick it up when he went. In the mean time DH' s sister, who always cries "poor me" has taken it despite the fact they have much more available income than us. When I go to DH sister's house I will not be able to stop myself asking if that is the radio I bought MIL. I feel miffed as I paid for it so I feel it should have come back to us.

Why didn't the SIL who first told you about this give some more details at the time? It could have short cut to the main problem.

Still, I've never heard of anyone older than 5 crying coz their friends have better toys than them. Evil SIL really cries if someone has a bigger house? Wow! She sounds like a lot bit of a nightmare.

Sil sounds awesome (for reading about). She's just the gift who keeps giving...

Seriously though good for you cancelling and re-issuing. I wish I was there to see sil be told....

Unless you take your mil I would opt for another gift that db/sil can't poach. Otherwise the same thing will happen.

Have fun today with them op, I expect fireworks!

So will you offer to go with MIL now or take her there or meet for a meal or something or use it for yourself?

So the SIL was angry that MIL had been given the voucher?

If she really did say pass it on rather than waste it, that doesn't really explain why she passed it on.

I feel a bit sorry for Mil who was roundly slated as an ungrateful old cow etc until the facts were obtained, now she is a poor 70 year old woman being taken advantage of. Look at the thread title.

If people actually spoke to each other, there wouldn't be half of these family rows.

Just shows how easy it is to get things wrong. Especially when relying on Facebook and third hand info.

Poor MIL!

Thank you Sand. I actually teared up when I read your words, which was very inconvenient, because I couldn't read about bitch SIL from hell until I'd found a tissue!

Ememem - don't you mean she's the gift that keeps on taking!

That's STUNNING about the radio.

I think the only way to go is to get MIL very, very personalized gifts. So far I've come up with: Newspaper from day she was born; a mug with her name on; a jigsaw of her face (all cost a lot less than £200 as well!)

Definitely go down the experiences route for MIL gifts that include you and/or DH going with her. So days out or meals out etc with you and your family.

My MIL isn't this bad and has yet hasn't re-gifted anything expensive but I think she would as DH's brother doesn't earn a lot (his doing) and MIL likes to mummy him. I could quite imagine that if we bought them a weekend away, they would give it to BIL & SIL to use. It would royally piss me off and thanks to this thread, we will think very carefully before giving them expensive (easily re-gifted) items.

So pleased you got the voucher re-issued. I'd definitely try to go with MIL (even though historically you haven't got on) or buy something else for her and treat yourself and DH to a night away.

Nols, how bad do I feel!! But in hindsight it was all quite quick in real time from voucher to gift to handover to SIL to reveal so mil wasn't aware I was pissed at her.
Screams of 2 faced I know but assumptions usually made prior to facts is a trait of human nature. Taught me a valuable lesson and am also relieved I have worked on my quick temper and judgey self so did not go guns blazing and cause a row or upset anybody unnecessarily.

Fatmomma some really lovely gift ideas there.

So to further update, DH rang DB who said mmmmmm well eh emmmm oooh well wife has booked us in for this weekend so I'll have to see what she wants to do!!???
Using a favourite phrase of mine... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
So DH said nothing of the cancellation, just said to db he'd be in touch to collect voucher.
So our United stance now is as follows:
As the voucher they have is no longer valid we are leaving it to the gods to see if they locate their morals sometime soon and get in touch to return what they think is real voucher.
If they don't and proceed to use it, nasty surprise and embarrassment is coming their way at hotel reception this weekend.
I am loving this ending as it will be of their own making and there is nothing more we can do. Happy it's sorted now tbh

Also for those who asked I think I'll ask mil if she'd like me to go with her or would she prefer something else. Time to repair our relationship once and for all