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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really pissed off with MIL

227 replies

Sandbrook · 25/05/2015 22:08

MILs 7th birthday this week. Of late she was speaking of never getting a chance to go away/hotel break etc etc.
So DH and I gave her a voucher for a nights stay in a 4 star hotel about 45 mins from home bearing in mind she's not a great traveller.
Just off the phone to SIL who's told me MIL has given the voucher to her other son and wife to treat them. Unsure whether she regifted letting them believe she paid for it or not. But still I'm fucking annoyed as if she didn't want the voucher I would have happily taken it back and used it as a much needed break for DH and I.

OP posts:
NoIsNotACompleteSentence · 29/05/2015 16:53

If she actually said "what you are on about , I think that is really quite rude, too! Is it just me? I would see my arse if someone said that to me as it sort of implies you are talking shit...

SquiddlyDiddlyDoo · 29/05/2015 16:54

This is the best thing I have read in ages. Cant wait to find out what spiky SIL has to say about the "what voucher" comment!

sykadelic · 29/05/2015 17:09

Ohhh I'm excited to know what happens this weekend!

MirandaGoshawk · 29/05/2015 17:26

Well done OP. I'm really glad you took control of the situation and also that you told them voucher had been cancelled as MIL wants something else- better (morally) than letting them turn up at the hotel.

I'm glad you can now go on your hen weekend.

pluCaChange · 29/05/2015 17:52

BIL is probably getting a high-intensity ear-massage bashing right about now.

chippednailvarnish · 29/05/2015 17:57

high-intensity ear-massage Grin I wonder if the spa do brass neck massages for your sil?

SoldierBear · 29/05/2015 17:58

She has some nerve!
But is probably throwing darts at a picture of OP

Heifer · 29/05/2015 17:59

I hope your Mum doesn't end paying for their spa!

If this happened in my family I know that my lovely Mum would have offered to pay - just to keep the peace etc.... that way your SIL still gets her spa and you get your break too...

Original poster
Sandbrook · 29/05/2015 23:34

Thanks all for the messages, this should be turned into a book!
Mil rang me this morning to ask about family function next month and we somehow Wink got to talking about the voucher again.
Appaaaaaaaaarently.... The brother took evil SIL away for the weekend as in Mils words "she was disappointed to lose out". When I asked her what she meant by losing out mil said she offered her something and it was taken away from her!!!

My head was spinning at this stage so I told mil I felt uncomfortable about the regifting as I would have preferred she talks to me if I overstepped the mark and bought her something she didn't really want.
Yaddda Yaddda went on for a while, mil again said SIL never gets treated, she felt sorry for her. I said not with my money, can you understand that. Sorry all over the place writing this because it really got my back up but end of convo was mil apologising for not speaking to me first and understanding that our feelings were hurt.
She doesn't believe it was wrong to pass it on though which is in line with a lot of pp comments so we agreed to disagree.
Latest fb pics are of cocktails in a country house the other side of the country so my spa weekend is safe.
Thanks all for taking the time to talk about this with me. I really appreciate all comments Flowers

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 30/05/2015 00:01

Glad you managed to discuss it with mil. That sil is something else.
Enjoy the spa whenever you get to use it Flowers

MaxPepsi · 30/05/2015 00:26

I have watched this thread with interest. Your SIL is, quite frankly a bitch who has successfully got her claws into MIL. I am guessing there is no daughter in this scenario, only DIL? Is the DH of evil SIL the golden boy?
No matter what you and your DH do, it's never going to be good enough.
I would learn a valuable lesson from this and take a step back. Disengage. You will, sadly, never win.

sykadelic · 30/05/2015 02:51

It's great you talked to your MIL but your SIL not getting "treated" is not your responsibility.

As you now know that she's perfectly fine with regifting, in the future I wouldn't spend that much again and anything you got I would give with the knowledge it will probably be given away.

TheMaddHugger · 30/05/2015 03:55

Wait............ did Mil pay for Sil's cocktails weekend ??

GooodMythicalMorning · 30/05/2015 04:00

Just read the full thread. Well done Op you did brilliantly.

LindyHemming · 30/05/2015 05:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Koalafications · 30/05/2015 06:14

You SIL reminds me a lot of my SIL...

Koalafications · 30/05/2015 06:14

*Your

Shantotto · 30/05/2015 08:06

So SIL 'never gets treated' yet is able to be whisked off to a country house weekend at short notice? Sure sounds like a treat to me!

Bombinate · 30/05/2015 08:30

What a thread!

Heifer · 30/05/2015 08:32

I BET your MIL paid for that treat Sandbrook.....

SoldierBear · 30/05/2015 09:17

Sandbrook - I hope you told your MIL that you had willingly forgone your treat of the hen weekend in order to give her the gift.
My ExMIL used to be like this with her two sons - I was married to the younger, who was doing a PhD, so I was the only wage earner. The older son and his wife were both teachers. We had equivalent mortgages, only owing to where we lived, we had a one bedroomed flat, while they had a 3 storey townhouse. Yet MIL was always slipping older son money in front of us, even paying for his takeout one night while we had to pay for our own. AS I'd worked overtime for 3 months to be able to pay for the flights to visit them, this felt like a total slap in the face. MIL used to tell me what a hard life they had while I was putting in 60 hour weeks.

How I do not miss that family.

AspieAndNT · 30/05/2015 09:23

I actually do blame the MIL still. I would still be very pissed off with her. No matter what, she still gave your gift away. She had a choice and choose to re-gift it whether or not she was under pressure too.

diddl · 30/05/2015 09:52

SIl never gets treated, & that's your fault/problem how OP??

MIL didn't have to give the voucher away, could have invited SIL for a couple of treatments or something.

I'd def still be reining the presents in!

Fatmomma99 · 30/05/2015 11:44

Congratulations Sand. You've been very assertive - your MIL understands your point of view, and understands why you feel hurt. That's great!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 30/05/2015 13:35

Great news that you've managed to have a chat with MIL and at least you know that she's happy with re-gifting and that SIL is going to get her claws on anything nice. You can now plan gifts with that in mind, knowing it could be re-gifted.

Personally, I'd start to distance myself a bit. It's hard when parents have favourites. My MIL isn't quite as bad but there is an element of propping up the seemingly more hard done by sibling, when really they could sort it out themselves by making some different choices. DH and I have moved a reasonable distance away now and it's much better not to be hearing about it on a weekly basis.