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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad start with mew neighbour-

180 replies

mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:26

I live in agated complex that has a buzzer for the main gates. Yesterday we were all out until the early morning with the children at a family function. Obviously we all fell straight asleep until 8 am this morning when my enrtry phone keptbuzzing! I eventaully got out of bed and answered it and a woman very politely asked for the house if i could let her in. I said you have to buzz whoever it is you are visiting, you are waking us up, and put the phone down. I went back to bed only to be buzzed again at 8.15 (ignored) Then at 8.30. I got out of bed again. The same woman, apologetically said she couldn't get in as she didn't have a fob key yet and had tried all of the other houses and no one was answering. I got cross and said 'please stop buzzing me you are going to wake my children up' She stared speaking over me (something I hate) so I told her to stop interrupting me, and thanked her for waking me up multiple times. Eventually, begrudgingly, I let her in.
They are moving in next door.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I confess and make amends?? Or was she in the wrong?

OP posts:
magimedi · 07/04/2015 13:31

I think it was just one of those things that happens & no one has 100% blame.

If she is going to be your new NDN, I would take round some flowers/cake/choc, introduce yourself & say sorry that you might have sounded a bit snappy, but had been partying till the small hours & felt a tad 'fragile'.

Worth it for good relations with NDSs.

monkeysaymoo · 07/04/2015 13:31

Well let's hope you never need a favour!

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:33

Sorry for typos, appalling paragraph.

OP posts:
NaiceNickname · 07/04/2015 13:34

Why did you not realise she was a resident when she mentioned the fob key? Why carry on berating her for waking you and speaking over you - clearly she would have been distressed at this point being unable to get into her own home and no one helping her.

Yes you need to apologise.

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 13:35

Oh dear.

I'm not sure of the ins and outs of gated communities (are you abroad?) but sounds like the woman was a bit stuck so wouldn't say she was wrong as such?

Could you just say it was a misunderstanding, you didn't realise she was actually moving in and sorry?

namechangedincase23 · 07/04/2015 13:35

YABVVU

Poor woman! What else was she meant to do?

SoupDragon · 07/04/2015 13:36

It is her fault, not yours. What she should have said was "I'm really sorry, we are moving in next door and I don't have a fob key. Could you let me in please?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/04/2015 13:36

I can understand you being snappy and cross.

I'd get some flowers as magi suggests for the sake of good relations with the ndn's.

Aridane · 07/04/2015 13:36

*so I told her to stop interrupting me, and thanked her for waking me up multiple times. Eventually, begrudgingly, I let her in."

I think you know the answer - yes, YWBU, and a small apology or card / token would go a long way. And, yes, you may need the favour returned some time.

But, yes, annoying.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:37

No in a London, a mews type set up.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 13:38

Actually, re-reading you do sound like you were very brusque.

For all you knew she could have been trying to see someone who wasn't well and unable to answer their buzzer... or something!

AtomicDog · 07/04/2015 13:38

Well, she sounds incredibly rude, but your response wasn't ideal either.
Just apologise next time you see her and judge her if she isn't profusely apologetic too.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 07/04/2015 13:38

Yeah annoying but she was stuck.

I'd go round and make amends

SoupDragon · 07/04/2015 13:39

For all you knew she could have been trying to see someone who wasn't well and unable to answer their buzzer... or something!

In which case, surely most people would have started the exchange with "I'm really sorry to disturb you but I can't get hold of X at no 99..."

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 07/04/2015 13:42

YWNBU - she should have lead with the 'i live here now and cant get it'

unless of course you are the caretaker and meant to let her in?!?!!?

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 13:44

Would it have taken any more time and effort to buzz her in than it did to tell her to stop buzzing you?

She was 'polite'. I think YWBU.

NerrSnerr · 07/04/2015 13:45

It sounds like she was in a difficult position and there wasn't much she could do. I would send a little note round apologising.

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 13:45

True SoupDragon but the OP says the woman very politely asked OP to let her in - as I said I don't know the finer points of gated complexes and assume that anyone can open the gate - so if someone is very polite why not just explain the system equally politely and let them in anyway once you have established they aren't an axe murderer.

Viviennemary · 07/04/2015 13:46

Well I suppose in the interests of good neighbour relations you should grovel with flowers. But she should have made it more clear that she was a new neighbour and didn't have a fob yet.

glasgowlass · 07/04/2015 13:46

You owe her an apology. You stated she was polite in asking in first place. Had you not "put the phone down" she might have got the chance to explain her situation in the first instance. Yes you were tired but that is no excuse for being quite so rude. She probably felt awful that she had to buzz you a few more times. The complex managers should have given her a fob for entry & that is something she will need to take up with them, however, she was clearly desperate to get into her own home.
Unfortunately when you live in a complex with secure buzzer entry things like this will happen. If you don't want to be disturbed as you've been out late then turn your phone/intercom off. I hope you get it all sorted out but do feel you were unreasonable in this instance. Having a good relationship with NDNs is very underestimated. She probably now thinks that she is being made unwelcome in her new home by her neighbours.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:48

Just realised it says mew neighbour- I meant to put new but that fits too!!

OP posts:
PoppyBlossom · 07/04/2015 13:48

I don't think you were being unreasonable. Pre 9am she should have just hung about and waited, not continued to harass random strangers.

How are you to know she is actually a new neighbour and not just someone using that line to gain access to a secure gated community? Until she has a key fob then she probably isn't meant to gain access.

WillowKnicks · 07/04/2015 13:48

I think she was bang out of order to keep buzzing you repeatedly when you had told her you were all sleeping. No one else was answering, so tough luck on you, was obviously her thought process!

I think it should be her bringing you flowers to say sorry!

What would she have done if no one had answered?

WorraLiberty · 07/04/2015 13:49

The council flats around the corner to me have exactly the same problem.

If anyone forgets their fob, they buzz the other neighbours.

It must be annoying, but since you let her in anyway you might have well just done it the first time and gone back to sleep.

ClumsyNinja · 07/04/2015 13:49

You live in London.
Being rude and obnoxious comes with the territory, doesn't it?