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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bad start with mew neighbour-

180 replies

mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:26

I live in agated complex that has a buzzer for the main gates. Yesterday we were all out until the early morning with the children at a family function. Obviously we all fell straight asleep until 8 am this morning when my enrtry phone keptbuzzing! I eventaully got out of bed and answered it and a woman very politely asked for the house if i could let her in. I said you have to buzz whoever it is you are visiting, you are waking us up, and put the phone down. I went back to bed only to be buzzed again at 8.15 (ignored) Then at 8.30. I got out of bed again. The same woman, apologetically said she couldn't get in as she didn't have a fob key yet and had tried all of the other houses and no one was answering. I got cross and said 'please stop buzzing me you are going to wake my children up' She stared speaking over me (something I hate) so I told her to stop interrupting me, and thanked her for waking me up multiple times. Eventually, begrudgingly, I let her in.
They are moving in next door.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I confess and make amends?? Or was she in the wrong?

OP posts:
ClumsyNinja · 07/04/2015 14:00

I'm very aware of what it's like living in London, thank you.
My two oldest DSS still live there, poor buggers.
I'm so, so grateful to have moved away. I don't even fancy going back for a visit. The OP just reminded me of the general mentality of many Londoners. Thanks, but no thanks.

SoupDragon · 07/04/2015 14:00

Unless she's got psychic powers how the hell is she supposed to know that you were having a lie in?

And how was the OP supposed to know it was an inconsiderate neighbour given she probably doesn't have psychic powers either?

Feminine · 07/04/2015 14:00

Don't forget, you were tired.
Everything gets amplified.

Her talking over you... You being curt.

Just forget it.

If you still feel bad, take cake. ;)

MrsTedCrilly · 07/04/2015 14:01

Hmm, I smell reverse after your comment about them apologising.. If not, you were being very unreasonable! You should go round with some wine and say sorry for being a mean grump.

glasgowlass · 07/04/2015 14:02

YOU were expecting an apology by now? Wow. Just wow.
I'm glad you're not my NDN. You've asked if you should make ammends. The majority of pps have said that yes you do yet you are expecting an apology by now. Perhaps your new NDN is apprehensive about coming to your door incase you're rude again. Chances are if you popped to see her to explain that you were out late etc that she would apologise for buzzing you again. Having said that you have stated that she was polite and apologetic via the phone so I'm not sure quite what you expect her to do? Dammed if she does, damned if she doesn't.

GraysAnalogy · 07/04/2015 14:02

So despite you knowing she was a resident and didn't have a fob key you still got cross and told her to stop buzzing. Why didn't you just let her in Confused

I think you were being unreasonable and I'd probably send a card with welcome and a quick apology, write it off as a misunderstanding on your part.

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 14:02

How do you know the new neighbour is disorganised Wibbly?

I read that she told the OP that she didn't have her fob yet.

Which sounds more like an administration/hand-over delay?

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 14:03

The point is I have had strangers before trying to enter the mews. They are often people chancing their luck and asking for any old name. I cannot just let anyone in, it's a security measure. We have had bikes stolen form the courtyard before, so we are all fairly vigilant, which is why I said no initially!

Maybe I am coming across badly, I am actually a good neighbour which is why I probably will end up going over there with a peace offering.

OP posts:
MaudGonneAway · 07/04/2015 14:04

The OP isn't in the least unreasonable for not 'just' buzzing in a complete stranger onto a gated complex. When I lived in a house with four flats in London, one of my dopy neighbours did this, believing the buzzing person was a friend of someone in another flat who wasn't answering the intercom. It turned out to be a burglar, who lifted about £5 grand worth of computer equipment from one of the other flats. Don't buzz in someone for another flat unless you know them.

However, OP, you were very rude by the sounds of things. In the interests of neighbourly relations, make peace. It's perfectly possible that the reason she hasn't come to apologise in person is that she's afraid you'll be aggressively rude in person, and she's wondering what kind of place she's moved in to.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 07/04/2015 14:04

Clumsy - I'm not even a Londoner and I find your comments offensive! Wow - lets tar everyone with the same (stereotyped) brush, shall we?!

I still think the OP didn't do anything wrong, from her POV she was enjoying a nice sleep, relatively early in the morning, and someone disturbed her repeatedly. Only on here would she be considered the one in the wrong. All she did was go to bed and suddenly she's apparently public enemy number one for not opening the gate for someone who should have had their own key.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 14:05

ClumsyNinja- London's loss is Surburbia's gain, I am sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 14:06

Thanks, Maude, you are right of course.

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 07/04/2015 14:06

Yeah mrsruffalo isn't unreasonable for not letting her in initially because that's just good security isn;t it. On finding out what the issue was though I would have let her in without all this getting cross and thanking her for waking her up.

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 14:08

But OP you weren't really thinking about security at the time were you? If you were you would have asked why she didn't have a fob etc.

You were just being grumpy because she woke you up Which is fine. But don't pretend the grumpiness was about security!

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 07/04/2015 14:09

Salmo - surely the first thing you ensure if you're moving into a new property is that you can get in?! I'd call that disorganised. If the estate agent or rental agent has messed up, then you hassle them, not one of your new neighbours! Pretty obvious, I'd have thought. So yes, very disorganised in my book to turn up at a new property without keys/means of access. And none of this was the OP's problem...

And that's without all the resultant security issues when everyone in a complex like this lets in others willy nilly. Any chancer can say they've forgotten their key or lost their fob or whatever - and suddenly houses have been burgled or bikes disappear. It's a common ruse in gated complexes for thieves to gain access.

gamerchick · 07/04/2015 14:10

You live in a building called the mews?

You were rude but maybe she was as well.. unless she was wanting a huge dump and couldn't hold it in anymore in which case she's apologised enough at the time.

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 14:11

Yes, even during school holidays. How is she supposed to know a) whether you have children and b) what time you may or may not get up, holidays or no?

Clumsy, I'm quite glad you've left London TBH. One less grumpy type to have to deal with.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 14:11

I did say the secind time 'you should have you own fob' she answered ' 'I am sorry but I only have the keys to the house at the moment, not a fob'. I was paraphrasing in the OP.

Remind me never to mix capoeiras with gin and tonics again!

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 14:14

Sorry typing terrible today.
Salmo- are you my new neighbour??

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 07/04/2015 14:14

I love the way the neighbour is the innocent party even though she repeatedly buzzed the OP until she answered and then continued to buzz repeatedly even though she knew they were trying to sleep, without at any point bothering to explain she was the new neighbour.

magimedi · 07/04/2015 14:15

I've just had to google "capoeiras" & it tells me it is a Brazilian Martial Art - I am very confused!!!

Still think it was just one of those things.............

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 14:17

LOL I meant caipiriña. Sorry, my brain is not with it today! Although mixing capoeira with g and t does sound like fun! Let's have a meet up and try it!

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 07/04/2015 14:18

SoupDragon she did explain... and she probably couldn't get a word in edge ways initially. she actually even had to talk over the OP at one point to give her the information.

magimedi · 07/04/2015 14:19

Although mixing capoeira with g and t does sound like fun! Let's have a meet up and try it!

I'm up for anything in which gin is an ingredient. Grin

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 14:21

No, I'm not your new neighbour Grin

I like my detached house up here in the rural sticks of Scotland too much to move to a gated complex in a big city Wink

and I'm quite grumpy too