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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad start with mew neighbour-

180 replies

mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:26

I live in agated complex that has a buzzer for the main gates. Yesterday we were all out until the early morning with the children at a family function. Obviously we all fell straight asleep until 8 am this morning when my enrtry phone keptbuzzing! I eventaully got out of bed and answered it and a woman very politely asked for the house if i could let her in. I said you have to buzz whoever it is you are visiting, you are waking us up, and put the phone down. I went back to bed only to be buzzed again at 8.15 (ignored) Then at 8.30. I got out of bed again. The same woman, apologetically said she couldn't get in as she didn't have a fob key yet and had tried all of the other houses and no one was answering. I got cross and said 'please stop buzzing me you are going to wake my children up' She stared speaking over me (something I hate) so I told her to stop interrupting me, and thanked her for waking me up multiple times. Eventually, begrudgingly, I let her in.
They are moving in next door.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I confess and make amends?? Or was she in the wrong?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 07/04/2015 14:26

Yes you're right OP, you are coming across badly

It's annoying to be woken up but a. it's not her fault you had a hangover and b. what else did you think she should have done?

I think you sounded rude and you should apologise.

After all she already has apologised

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 14:27

That sounds nice salmo, but it really is a pretty mews, cobbled stones and all that.

See I think 8am is very early, the day after bank holiday. I wouldn't call anyone on the phone at 8am during the easter holidays.

OP posts:
MissyMistress402 · 07/04/2015 14:29

So you said no which is perfectly acceptable, given she could easily have been lying about her intentions. She should have said okay, and gone and made other arrangements, yet she continued to harrass you by continually phoning your buzzer. She sounds fab Hmm

Oh and I'm not a sockpuppet before I am accused of that again for siding with the OP.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/04/2015 14:30

Today is a normal working day - well it is for me

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/04/2015 14:31

I do think 8.00 am is very early to be knocking/buzzing.

SoupDragon · 07/04/2015 14:31

SoupDragon she did explain

Not until after she'd been buzzing repeatedly having already been told that the OP and family were trying to sleep. Common sense and good manners should have made it obvious she should have explained this right at the start rather than just asking to be let in.

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 14:32

Im sure it is a pretty mews mrsruffallo.

And probably lots a cool history too? Envy

SoupDragon · 07/04/2015 14:33

Unless I knew a person well enough to know what time they get up, I would not knock on a door before 9am unless it was an emergency. Having been told someone was trying to sleep, I sure as hell wouldn't' knock again and again.

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 14:36

the day after bank holiday What's so significant about the day after a bank holiday? Confused

I wouldn't call anyone on the phone at 8am during the easter holidays. You wouldn't phone someone if you needed letting in; you'd buzz them, as she did. And 'Easter holidays' doesn't necessarily have much currency; it's not a holiday period for everyone, and even for people with children isn't it possible that they'll be up early with the children anyway?

If you don't want to be disturbed, carry a 'do not buzz' sign around and stick it on your buzzer whenever you get back in after a late night. You can't expect people to just know.

googoodolly · 07/04/2015 14:43

But it's not really "the day after a bank holiday", is it? Confused It's Tuesday, and for most people, it's a normal work day. The shops are open as normal, businesses are open as normal. I would expect most people to be up and about at 8am on a weekday, tbh, unless they work shifts or are sick or something.

Anyway, there was no need to bite at her. If you'd jut let her in in the first place, she wouldn't have kept buzzing afterwards! Go and apologise and then forget the whole thing. It doesn't need to turn into a big deal.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 07/04/2015 14:45

But the point is, the OP wasn't expecting anyone. Like anyone in a house wouldn't be expecting an unannounced visitor at 8am. She just got the short straw and new neighbour lady repeatedly rang her buzzer. Why should people need to 'know' she doesn't want disturbing, Only? I certainly don't expect all and sundry to come knocking on my door at 8am, and if someone did, I'd assume there was a genuine emergency. This clearly wasn't an emergency and neighbour should have waited until she could get her own fob.

Hissy · 07/04/2015 14:46

it's not caipiriña it's caipirinha...

portuguese/brazilian NOT spanish.

8am is not early... on a TUESDAY....you do realise this, right?

I was on my way to work at that time.

You do owe her an apology, and she owes you one - so call it quits and leave it there.

MaidOfStars · 07/04/2015 14:52

This clearly wasn't an emergency and neighbour should have waited until she could get her own fob

Baffled at this type of response (not this one particularly, mind, it's just an example). What was the new neighbour supposed to do? Really? Stand outside until 9am waiting for the estate agents to open so she could give them a ring, see if they could magic a fob from somewhere, deliver it to her? What if she had shopping, moving furniture, boxes?

What happens if a resident loses their fob? Are they doomed to wait at the gates until a replacement is secured?

She's a new neighbour, she's just moved into what sounds like it should be a lovely little community, with, she's presumably hoping, reasonable expectations of friendliness.

I just don't know anyone who would say "Tough shit, no fob no entry".

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 07/04/2015 14:53

I agree with Hissy in that everyone needs to move on, but I don't think it's fair that people are having a go at the OP because they don't think 8am is early. It's surely her prerogative to decide when/if she gets up on any given day of the week - not be hassled by neighbours who can't get into their new houses at what's arguably the crack of dawn. Sure, families with small children tend to get up early, but that's not always the case. The OP could have been a night shift worker for all the new neighbour knew, or been up all night with a baby. Just because some people deem 8am to be half way through the day, doesn't mean everyone does and should.

jay55 · 07/04/2015 14:55

People make up all kinds of stories to be buzzed in.

Id not buzz in someone I didn't know and wasn't expecting.

That said If I need a lie in I switch my entry phone off.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 07/04/2015 14:56

Maid - then it sounds like you haven't lived in this sort of development and been subjected to chancers using every trick in the book to gain access. And yes, if the OP hadn't been home, the new neighbour would have had to wait, wouldn't she? I really do fail to understand how someone moving into a property can attempt to do so without the means to actually get in - keys/fob/whatever. Surely they'd be top of your list, along with relevant paperwork. Or maybe I just live in a parallel universe...

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 14:59

I do intend to and knock with a 'welcome' gift and I will 'fess up while I am there. I would just like to point out, as I will to the new neighbour that I work incredibly hard all year in a demanding job. I do generally like to take a few days off either side of a bank holiday as it makes the most of my time. I am in work daily well before 8. My DH is a SAHP. Due to this my time off is very precious and I do like to sleep late...well past 8o'clock anyway.

OP posts:
ItsADinosaur · 07/04/2015 14:59

You begrudgingly let her in to her own house. How good of you. You sound rude, what on earth was she supposed to do? Hang around outside until your hangover had worn off?

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 15:00

'Why should people need to 'know' she doesn't want disturbing?'

Well, because currently she seems to be saying that people SHOULD magically 'know' that she's still in bed later than usual; and that it's OK to be rude to them if they don't know.

8am is not an outrageous time, IMO, to knock on someone's door on a weekday, so if the OP has days when she knows she'll want to sleep in then maybe she should get a 'do not disturb' sign.

But anyway, I was being slightly facetious. I don't REALLY think people should have a 'no buzzing before x o'clock' sign for their doorbell.

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 15:01

I do generally like to take a few days off either side of a bank holiday as it makes the most of my time

No problem with that –but, again, the neighbour DIDN'T KNOW.

MaidOfStars · 07/04/2015 15:01

I have lived in a communal flat block where there was a buzzer for the gated car park and a main door buzzer.

It's not so much that I don't appreciate the security arguments or whatever. I'm also not arguing that 8am is "half the morning gone" - I am definitely a late riser.

But if someone buzzed and politely asked for a house number, I wouldn't grump at them and put the entry phone down. I'd probably try to help them if I could.

But maybe that's me living in a parallel universe Wink

And yes, if the OP hadn't been home, the new neighbour would have had to wait, wouldn't she?

Well, yes, she would have. But that's a different story, one that didn't happen.

Vivacia · 07/04/2015 15:07

It sounds as though you didn't let her in for no other reason than to punish her for waking you up. Why else let her in later on?

I'm afraid you don't sound very nice, expecting her to apologise when she's already apologised profusely.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/04/2015 15:13

Imagine the other side of this AIBU.

I'm moving into my new flat and I didn't have a fob to open the gates.
It was 8.00 am and I buzzed all of the flats and no one answered apart from one irritated, sleepy sounding woman.

She said I was disturbing her and her children and hung up on me but unfortunately I had to keep on buzzing her as no one else answered. I kept on and had to speak over her as I was sure she was going to hang up on me again, eventually she let me in under some duress I imagine, I suppose I could have been anyone after all.

Was I unreasonable to keep buzzing her, should I apologise?

Icimoi · 07/04/2015 15:15

Yes, even during school holidays. How is she supposed to know a) whether you have children and b) what time you may or may not get up, holidays or no?

FFS, if you need to buzz a stranger, you don't do it at 8 a.m. precisely because they may well be asleep, busy, ill or whatever. It's not a question of what the stranger is supposed to know, but what she is entitled to assume. And she is not entitled to assume that everyone else is up and ready just because she chooses to turn up at that hour.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 15:15

There seems to be some confusion. I didn't know she was my new neighbour initially. Bizarrely, with no proir warning to any of us, they are moving in today and she has planned to arrive so early with no means of letting herself in. Removal arrived a little while ago.
I will go over when removal truck has gone.

OP posts:
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