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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bad start with mew neighbour-

180 replies

mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:26

I live in agated complex that has a buzzer for the main gates. Yesterday we were all out until the early morning with the children at a family function. Obviously we all fell straight asleep until 8 am this morning when my enrtry phone keptbuzzing! I eventaully got out of bed and answered it and a woman very politely asked for the house if i could let her in. I said you have to buzz whoever it is you are visiting, you are waking us up, and put the phone down. I went back to bed only to be buzzed again at 8.15 (ignored) Then at 8.30. I got out of bed again. The same woman, apologetically said she couldn't get in as she didn't have a fob key yet and had tried all of the other houses and no one was answering. I got cross and said 'please stop buzzing me you are going to wake my children up' She stared speaking over me (something I hate) so I told her to stop interrupting me, and thanked her for waking me up multiple times. Eventually, begrudgingly, I let her in.
They are moving in next door.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I confess and make amends?? Or was she in the wrong?

OP posts:
sabrina00 · 07/04/2015 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

msgrinch · 07/04/2015 23:05

Why wouldn't you just buzz her in?! Instead of being a lazy one and ignoring her. Honestly don't get why you would be like this?

My neighbours forget keys etc, buzz (apologise) and I let them in. I wouldn't just be a lazy cow and go back to bed ignoring them because I was to busy lazy.

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 23:25

sabrina are you spreading the love all over the boards?

you sound very unhappy...

Ilovecapeverde1 · 07/04/2015 23:37

Sabrina the witch!!!!!

Between · 07/04/2015 23:38

Sabrina. Wow, What a nasty judgemental post. Confused

OP, Y were NBU. I would have waited until 9 if I had been the new neighbour. 8 is way too early. The new neighbour was really rude to keep buzzing.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 07/04/2015 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovecapeverde1 · 07/04/2015 23:54

Sabrina sounds jealous and slightly twisted!!!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/04/2015 00:06

She was annoying, you were grumpy and mean, sorry. Case closed! Grin

ArcheryAnnie · 08/04/2015 00:06

Wow Sabrina.

Okay, line by line:

Not this poor woman's fault you were a lazy cow and still stinking in your pit at 8am on a weekday. Try getting up at a reasonable hour and you wouldn't have had the problem, would you?

Lots of people are not up at 8am - shift work, working late at home, or in this OP's case, travelling late home the night before with her kids. None of this can be described as "lazy".

Secondly, you sound like a massive bitch. Let the poor cow in already.

Why is not wanting to be woken up by a stranger who is demanding a favour of you being a "massive bitch"?

Gated communities are for the terminally smug and snobbish, and you sound like a prime example.

Lots of council estates are now essentially gated communities, as a result of attempts to improve security. Same with other blocks of flats. I live in a block of flats that I suppose I could now call a "gated community", but it was just a big boring block of flats when I moved in, and gates were installed a few years ago. (I wish they hadn't as it doesn't really help security, just means I have to remember the keycard.)

On the original question from mrsruffallo, I think she was NBU. You aren't supposed to let strangers in just because they buzz, otherwise there's no point to the gates. This stranger did not offer any info about themselves, and they were totally out of order to keep on buzzing someone who had asked them to stop. I get that they must have been frustrated not to get entry, but they could have just called their estate agent who handled them getting the house.

ArcheryAnnie · 08/04/2015 00:08

msgrinch do you let strangers in, too, when they buzz? And any shiftworkers that have forgotten their keyfobs - are you fine with them buzzing your door at midnight or 5am to let them in? And if not, why not?

TheChandler · 08/04/2015 00:28

I'm with you on this one OP, YANBU. Who isn't grumpy when woken up by someone buzzing?

The woman wanted a favour, it was up to her to explain coherently why she wanted in and wasn't some random off the street.

Her fault she didn't have keys to her own home, hardly a disaster to wait or contact the estate agents. But you did let her in, so I don't think any grovelling is needed.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/04/2015 00:44

What's the etiquette for disturbing people? Rude if their curtains are closed rings a bell. sorry mum. Wasn't listening

SoleSource · 08/04/2015 00:45

Probably not Friday drinks but a kangaroo court.

ThenThereWereEight · 08/04/2015 01:08

I think you did the right thing - you can't let any old person into a secured building.

sykadelic · 08/04/2015 01:49

YANBU.

There's a buzzer for a reason, security. You don't know her from Adam so you could have just let a (admittedly very nice) thief in. Or someone who was stalking someone or some other nefarious purpose.

I don't think you should apologize at all. It's not your responsibility to let a stranger in the building, but it would be your fault!

If you do see her and she mentions it I'd probably offer a half-arsed "I'm sorry but I don't know you and I don't like letting people I don't know into the building. I'm weird about security like that. Next time, contact (the super etc etc) at ##".

JessieMcJessie · 08/04/2015 04:21

Rather than complaining about being woken you should have said that unfortunately for security reasons you never buzz anyone in. Even when she explained that she was moving in, an apologetic "sorry but burglars do make up all sorts of stories, hope you'll appreciate when you settle in how security- conscious we all are. "

However you said you'd actually have let her in if you hadn't been grumpy about being woken. A blanket "no strangers" policy would be better and more secure.

She WBU to buzz you once, and VVU to so it twice, agree it was entitled behaviour.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/04/2015 08:10

Ah, good to read that she's invited the neighbours for drinks, all's well that ends well.

That sabrina's a bit of a twat though.

Aridane · 08/04/2015 10:04

OP - are you going to confess to being the grumpy neighbour, or keep mum and hope she doesn't recognise you as the 'welcome' party to the mews?

TedAndLola · 08/04/2015 10:07

I'm genuinely surprised that so many people think the OP needs to apologise but not the new neighbour. Would you all seriously ring a stranger's home multiple times at 8am because YOU hadn't organised yourself a key? I'd be the one going round there and apologising for waking her up!

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 08/04/2015 10:21

8am is simply too early to wake up a new neighbour asking to be let in!

bollocks - you should have turned the buzzer off somehow!

mrsruffallo · 08/04/2015 10:24

SHE DID IT AGAIN!!!!

Admittedly at 8.45 but STILL. Busy at mo, will fill you in later.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 08/04/2015 10:27

Oh no,once is okay maybe.But to keep doing it I would be really peed off.
I had this years ago when I lived in a private flat.Half the time that some one buzzed it was for the neighbor,the annoying idiots,I'd only been living there a few months,the neighbor had been there for years so they're visitors knew which flat was they're one.

Between · 08/04/2015 10:30

Aghhhh! Shock 8:45 is still too early. I slept in until 9:30 this morning after a very late night. Blush

Can't you turn off your buzzer? Or call around and speak to her. There would be no need to be rude or confrontational - you just need to tell her that you sleep at odd hours and that she mustn't buzz you EVER (in a nice voice of course Wink ).

I think you need to be clear with her as she sounds a bit flakey. Most people wouldn't have buzzed three times like she did yesterday.

JessieMcJessie · 08/04/2015 10:33

Can you go round to lend her a spare key fob (presuming hers hasn't materialised yet) and use the opportunity to explain why buzzing is never ever acceptable?

Salmotrutta · 08/04/2015 11:19

Oh Lordy!

Will this be like the neighbour who keeps people's parcels and parks in other people's designated spaces?

Clearly you weren't grumpy enough yesterday mrsruffallo!!

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