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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bad start with mew neighbour-

180 replies

mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:26

I live in agated complex that has a buzzer for the main gates. Yesterday we were all out until the early morning with the children at a family function. Obviously we all fell straight asleep until 8 am this morning when my enrtry phone keptbuzzing! I eventaully got out of bed and answered it and a woman very politely asked for the house if i could let her in. I said you have to buzz whoever it is you are visiting, you are waking us up, and put the phone down. I went back to bed only to be buzzed again at 8.15 (ignored) Then at 8.30. I got out of bed again. The same woman, apologetically said she couldn't get in as she didn't have a fob key yet and had tried all of the other houses and no one was answering. I got cross and said 'please stop buzzing me you are going to wake my children up' She stared speaking over me (something I hate) so I told her to stop interrupting me, and thanked her for waking me up multiple times. Eventually, begrudgingly, I let her in.
They are moving in next door.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I confess and make amends?? Or was she in the wrong?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/04/2015 15:22

The point is I have had strangers before trying to enter the mews. They are often people chancing their luck and asking for any old name. I cannot just let anyone in, it's a security measure. We have had bikes stolen form the courtyard before, so we are all fairly vigilant, which is why I said no initially!

See now that ^^ makes sense to me from a security POV.

But then you said, Even during school holidays? Obviously if I was already up then no problem!

How would being already up make a difference to security?

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 15:24

I'm sure all will be well in the end mrsruffallo

On another note entirely - does your house have nice period features and stuff?

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 07/04/2015 15:27

God what a hassle. See that's why I couldn't live in a gated estate. Would drive me bonkers.

KatoPotato · 07/04/2015 15:30

KEEP AWAY FROM THE MEWS!!

Vivacia · 07/04/2015 15:31

Bizarrely, with no proir warning to any of us, they are moving in today

Brilliant!

samG76 · 07/04/2015 15:32

OP - it is unreasonable to live in a gated community, unless you have a porter, that is, ideally living in a little gatehouse so he can let people in Wink. If you do live in such a community, this is the sort of thing that happens - you have to take the rough with the smooth....

Icimoi · 07/04/2015 15:32

I'm completely bemused as to why OP is getting flamed on this. There are some really weird responses, e.g.:

  1. How was the woman supposed to know OP was asleep? Well, it's not an unreasonable thing to be doing at 8 a.m. Yes, it's a working day, but not everyone works, and if they do, not everyone works standard hours; for all the woman knew, she was waking someone who was ill, who had been up all night with a baby, who was doing shift work. Once she'd buzzed once and been told she was waking the household she should have left them well alone.
  1. What was the woman supposed to do? Well, how about going away and having a cup of coffee and coming back at a more reasonable hour? Or waiting till she could contact the estate agents who should have made sure she had a key fob? Or, maybe, she could have checked all this out the previous day (or the previous week - the purchase or letting was probably completed before Good Friday) when she presumably collected the keys?
  1. It was outrageous not to assume she as a resident and just buzzed her in. Seriously? If OP buzzes in everyone who turns up at the gate and claims to have lost their fob she would become deeply unpopular with her neighbours after they got burgled.
  1. OP is being outrageous expecting an apology. What, wanting an apology for being repeatedly disturbed after having asked the caller to leave them alone? What is so outrageous about that? If I had gratuitously disturbed my new neighbours purely as a result of being disorganised and refusing to wait, I certainly would want to make it up to them.
annielouise · 07/04/2015 15:35

I agree with Soupdragon. Why didn't she just say "I'm really sorry to bother you but I'm moving in next door but don't have a fob yet. Could you let us in please." Then she should pop round later to apologise in person. You could then apologise for being a bit brusque after that to smooth things over if you so wished.

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 15:35

Ici, the way I see it is you can either assume that people are still in bed or you can assume that they're up.

And I think it's more reasonable to assume that on a weekday, someone will be up at 8am. Sure, they may be asleep, busy or ill; but in the scheme of things it's more likely that they will be up, and able to answer the door without being rude.

And at the end of the day, the woman didn't have much choice but to buzz.

Icimoi · 07/04/2015 15:36

Vivacia, as I suspect you well know, what was bizarre about the neighbour's behaviour was her assumption that she could just turn up early and get in despite not having a key fob. I wonder why you chose to leave that bit off when quoting OP's post? This is getting to be one of those threads where everyone is following the original posting trend like sheep and just looking at excuses to pounce on OP. Not very edifying.

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 15:38

I live in a building with multiple flats/buzzers and yes, sometimes there's a parcel for someone else, and occasionally someone has to buzz me because they've locked themselves out or whatever, and it's at a time that's not convenient for me.

But I answer the door and take the parcel or find my spare keys or whatever. Because next time it could be me in a spot, and I'd appreciate my neighbours helping me out, not taking the huff because I'd failed to know psychically that it wasn't a good time for them.

I'd hate to have some of the posters on here for neighbours.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/04/2015 15:38

Not everyone has pounced on Mrsruffallo.

Icimoi · 07/04/2015 15:41

OnlyLovers, sorry, if you turn up at 8 a.m you make no assumptions at all. I, for instance, was working this morning but I was out of the house by 8 a.m. It might just be reasonable to buzz once in case someone was up and about, but having been told you are waking a household which obviously doesn't want to be awake, it cannot conceivably be reasonable to keep buzzing.

And she obviously does have choices. As I said above, the most obvious thing to do is to contact the agent to get the fob, or at the very least to go away and come back later. It's not like the removal van was arriving imminently, judging by OPs post this afternoon.

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 15:50

OK, the neighbours might all leave for work by 8am. But she didn't know that. She buzzed speculatively.

As for keeping buzzing, she'd only have had to buzz once if the OP had just let her in, instead of spending probably just as long telling her why she shouldn't have buzzed.

I'll say it again: there's some really mean-spirited stuff on this thread.

DeeWe · 07/04/2015 15:50

She may have been polite when she asked you to let her in, but she should have explained straight off why she needed to be let in.
Surely you'd start off by saying something along the lines of:
"Really sorry to bother you, but we're moving into number 16 today and just realised we don't have the key fob yet. Would you be able to let us in please?"
So you say first why you need to be let in.

We lived for a while in a block of flats with buzzers and at first we'd let anyone in, but we then had a couple of cases of things going missing/getting damaged. So we then started being much more careful by agreement.
But there were times when you got wrongly buzzed. And they'd almost always open the conversation by saying why they needed you to let them in for a different flat.
If I was uncomfortable with the reason, or wasn't sure it was legitimate, then I'd say that my automatic opener wasn't working (they did go wrong from time to time) and go down and answer the door myself. Generally if they were just trying an easy way in then they left before I got there, or found an excuse when I came down why they didn't need to come in after all.
So that's why being up might make a difference.

And surely if she was moving in, and didn't have a key fob, they were going to have to wait for the landlord/estate agent to come to hand over the key to the house as well as the key fob so they might as well wait outside the gates as just outside the house.

VanitasVanitatum · 07/04/2015 15:53

OP didn't let her in the first time for security reasons because it wasn't made clear that she lived there. OP was grumpy second time because it was v early and her sleep was disturbed!!

It's very unreasonable to turn up expecting to gain entry at eight am without a fob then waking the same person TWICE to be let in. She was moving in, she didn't have a fob, she should have arranged for the agent to be there to let her in, entirely her responsibility.

Vivacia · 07/04/2015 16:02

OP didn't let her in the first time for security reasons because it wasn't made clear that she lived there. OP was grumpy second time because it was v early and her sleep was disturbed!!

This doesn't explain why she let her in the third time though. I think the new neighbour's behaviour was unreasonable, but I'd take pity and try to be helpful to any poor sod going through a house move.

Good relations with your neighbours are priceless to most people. You'd think someone living in a gated community would feel an even greater sense of community spirit.

BadEmployee · 07/04/2015 17:08

Once, (as a very drunk wet-behind-the-ears student) I naively buzzed in two people who proceeded to stab one of my neighbours. It was a dodgy set of flats and not a naice gated community, mind. I spent the night dealing with police and ambulances and I even got a policeman left with me for the night in case the assailants returned.

I wouldn't even hold a door for a neighbour now unless I could see their keys.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 19:06

Hello everyone have been out with children and came back to find a note inviting us round for drinks on Friday night. I am assuming we all have them. I think that'll do the job to break the ice.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 07/04/2015 19:10

Aw. That's nice.

Will you be taking some caipirinhas?

Maliceaforethought · 07/04/2015 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

typetytypetypes · 07/04/2015 22:09

I'm with Ici and Vivacia (and anyone else who has said similarly).

mrsruffalo I am with you and I understand why you were annoyed by it (although to be honest I think I would have just left it after the first answer and hoped they gave up!).

I had a similar experience a few years back and as a result disabled the buzzer so we could only hear it when we turned it on Grin I don't care what time of day it is, I'm not the concierge, such action should only be reserved for emergencies. Moving in is not an emergency, ahem.

As the mover I wouldn't just ring the agent - I would be checking I had all of the relevant keys before attempting to move in. Surely they saw the place and had an inkling they needed a fob?!

keepsmiling2015 · 07/04/2015 22:24

I think you should apologise. You could have just buzzed her in. Especially as you'd answered.

WandaFuca · 07/04/2015 22:48

And what would the mew neighbour have done if nobody had answered their buzzer? Presumably have contacted the estate agent or management company.

Well, that's what she should have done in the first place instead of annoying someone, more than once. She should have got a clue the first time she buzzed that it wasn't acceptable to disturb you again.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 07/04/2015 22:53

So glad Ici et al are of a similar opinion to the OP! This thread went a little strange for a while... Of course there's nothing mean spirited about taking security seriously. Glad it's all hopefully sorted now OP. I wonder how all the posters polishing their halos and saying they would have helped would actually act in real life?