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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad start with mew neighbour-

180 replies

mrsruffallo · 07/04/2015 13:26

I live in agated complex that has a buzzer for the main gates. Yesterday we were all out until the early morning with the children at a family function. Obviously we all fell straight asleep until 8 am this morning when my enrtry phone keptbuzzing! I eventaully got out of bed and answered it and a woman very politely asked for the house if i could let her in. I said you have to buzz whoever it is you are visiting, you are waking us up, and put the phone down. I went back to bed only to be buzzed again at 8.15 (ignored) Then at 8.30. I got out of bed again. The same woman, apologetically said she couldn't get in as she didn't have a fob key yet and had tried all of the other houses and no one was answering. I got cross and said 'please stop buzzing me you are going to wake my children up' She stared speaking over me (something I hate) so I told her to stop interrupting me, and thanked her for waking me up multiple times. Eventually, begrudgingly, I let her in.
They are moving in next door.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I confess and make amends?? Or was she in the wrong?

OP posts:
typetytypetypes · 08/04/2015 11:45

Shock Well now. Not on!

In case you haven't already, I think it would be best to tell her politely but firmly that she should not use you as a porter again. If she keeps doing it I would discuss it with the residents' association if you have one, a communal letter is a wonderfully passive aggressive useful tool for stating the community rules.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/04/2015 11:48

Oh no she's going to be the NEIGHBOUR FROM HELL! Grin

Gruntfuttock · 08/04/2015 11:49

Well as soon as she's got her own fob she won't need to bother the OP again, will she?

Ubik1 · 08/04/2015 11:51

This us quite normal in Glasgow Confused

We buzz people in all the time. It's just normal. The only thing that annoys me is if someone has a party and you get buzz after buzz.

Couldn't you just switch your machine to private?

LittleBairn · 08/04/2015 12:03

She's taking the piss now! The only way she will learn is if you all refuse.

FryOneFatManic · 08/04/2015 12:14

This new neighbour is being unreasonable.

If she had the keys to the house at 8am on the Tuesday, then she didn't get them that day and must have had them before the weekend. I don't know of any EA who is open at 8am.

And while getting the keys she should have made sure that she had a key fob too.

If she hadn't a fob Tuesday and only then realised she needed one, she should have made the effort to obtain one from the agent, not, as it now seems, buzz the neighbour again on Wednesday.

TedAndLola · 08/04/2015 12:16

This us quite normal in Glasgow

Really? Every single person in Glasgow would be okay with this? Odd statement.

Ubik1 · 08/04/2015 12:20

It's not an odd statement. I don't think I said 'every single person in glasgow would be ok with this.'

Just that it's regarded with the same horror that it seems to be here.

And we can switch buzzers to private.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 08/04/2015 12:20

Oh no, a repeat offender! Why didn't she spend the rest of yesterday getting her own fob?

Hissy · 08/04/2015 13:58

OK. this changes things.

You DON'T let her in again and you switch your buzzer OFF.

MadamG · 08/04/2015 14:06

Ok now SiBU and Yanbu. What a pain. I assumed her key fob and spare keys would be in her new flat (as mine was when I moved in). But to buzz a second day without popping round to make friends of to explain her predicament is being unreasonable. I think 8.45 is a little unreasonable. I tend to think between 9am and 9 pm is fair game to call people...

PeppermintCrayon · 08/04/2015 16:12

I would never buzz in someone I didn't know. Anyone can say they're anyone.

PeppermintCrayon · 08/04/2015 16:13

What was the new neighbour supposed to do? Really? Stand outside until 9am waiting for the estate agents to open so she could give them a ring, see if they could magic a fob from somewhere, deliver it to her?

Well, don't you normally get the keys when you sign the contract or whatever? Surely this is something you blardy well organise before you try to move in?

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2015 16:41

Well, don't you normally get the keys when you sign the contract or whatever? Surely this is something you blardy well organise before you try to move in?

Yes. And it's clear that this neighbour is too disorganised, to ditzy, too whatever to have realised that it was so necessary to have a fob. Perhaps she thought that people who lived beyond the buzzer might be willing to help her out a little.

She's fucked up, and she's in a pickle. As I say waaaaay upthread, I don't punish people who are in a pickle, I try to help them if I can even if it's their own fault and even if it costs me ten seconds of my time.

Moving house is stressful. Sometimes, you rely on a few favours, someone to help carry a few boxes, someone to hold a parking space for you, whatever. Having to be buzzed in for the first two days of living in your new house does not indicate a problematic antisocial neighbour, it doesn't mean she's "one of them".

Disclaimer: I am not the neighbour Smile

FryOneFatManic · 08/04/2015 16:56

Maid New neighbour had a grumpy response on the first day. She should have taken some time on that first day to obtain a fob, NOT gone ahead and buzzed on the 2nd day.

That's not being disorganised, that's taking the piss.

After all, she should have known well beforehand that entry was via a gate system. That information would have been part of the information given out, surely. So the responsibility was hers to ensure she had appropriate access.

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2015 17:05

She should have taken some time on that first day to obtain a fob

You have no idea what she may or may not have done on that first day to try and get a fob. She may have done nothing because she doesn't give a shit about annoying her neighbours. Or she may have spent a lot of time trying to track down the fob she should have but clearly doesn't, only to find it's lost in a drawer at the estate agents, or that they promised to send it over and didn't, or that they told her to buzz for someone to let her in because "they're all really friendly round there".

You don't know what she's doing so really assuming she's done nothing is just that, an assumption.

And it's beside the point anyway. It might be annoying to be buzzed pre-9am, it might cause a grumble of "get your own fucking fob, I'm not the gatekeeper". But some people here are suggesting to leave her out there for no other reason than to teach her a lesson. I don't work like that.

Icimoi · 08/04/2015 17:10

If she visited the house before she bought/let it- which surely must be the case - she must be well aware that entry is via an external gate to which she would need a key or fob.

Maid of Stars, the difficulty with your scenario is - how do you know when you've just woken up whether the person buzzing is ditzy new neighbour in a pickle, or a burglar? Your act of kindness might result in another neighbour being burgled, assaulted or raped.

And if ditzy neighbour has already made a thorough nuisance of herself once because she couldn't wait till a reasonable hour to get access, then (if she has any sense) she should do her utmost to overcome the first unfortunate impression and not repeat the offence.

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2015 17:25

Oh come on, the OP doesn't care about security - that was a red herring. Otherwise, why let her in at all? OP was cross to be disturbed from hangover lie in. I have sympathy with that.

But I wouldn't ever condone being mean just because you can. Tolerance, a little favour here and there, rubbing along (even if it's sometimes the wrong way). Not leaving someone stranded for shits and giggles.

I suspect all will be forgiven on Friday, when new neighbour thanks OP for putting up with the move, apologises for inconvenience and shoves a cocktail into her hand. And OP will do what most of us would, 'Oh no, don't worry, it's fine'.

Icimoi · 08/04/2015 20:51

OP would have to explain why she let the woman in, but I would guess that after three goes and a long conversation it was reasonably clear that a burglar/assailant wouldn't draw attention to themselves to that extent. It doesn't mean that she would be right to let in any and every stranger who turns up and asks to be allowed in.

JessieMcJessie · 11/04/2015 08:36

How were the drinks last night OP? Do tell!

Dieu · 11/04/2015 09:29

A bad start for her more like. YABU.

AliceLidl · 11/04/2015 09:33

I would have been annoyed too but when you answered the first time you didn't really give her a chance to explain, you put the phone down on her before she could reply and say "sorry, but I'm moving in today and don't have a fob yet" or something.

If you'd given her a moment to explain that she wasn't visiting anybody and so couldn't buzz them rather than you, it would have all been done with and you could have gone back to bed with no further disturbances.

She was a bit pushy to keep on buzzing you after you'd told her off, but she must have been desperate because I wouldn't have wanted to keep trying to appeal to someone who was obviously annoyed at me unless I really felt I had no other choice.

You never know when you might need that same favour returning OP, should you lose or forget your keys while nobody else is at home to let you in.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 13/04/2015 13:52

what is a keyfob and why did she not have one?
I have some keyfobs but they are more like charms dangling. i can give her one.
was there a moving van?
and was it a good party MrsRuffalo?
i don't know who was ruder but I'm not a morning person and I hate being woken up, especially when I was expecting a rare lie-in so I'm sorry that was cut short, I sympathise.

London's good Ninja, you should visit and have fun on a Boris bike

CrapBag · 13/04/2015 14:04

Are you still busy OP?

DartmoorDoughnut · 13/04/2015 14:33

YANBU re your original post and I cannot believe she did it again?!