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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish more people would consider adoption

156 replies

Kittykatmary · 27/03/2015 19:08

I'm new to mumsnet Smile and this is my first thread.

My family background, I have 5 children. DD1 is 16 is bio. Ds1 15 adopted. Ds2 15 is bio. Dd 9 bio. Dd 8 adopted.

I have always wanted a big family, and dh and I have had to have IVf twice as we could not conceive our last two bio children naturally.

Their is so many children that need adopting Sad. Aibu to hope that more people could consider adoption.

OP posts:
madreloco · 27/03/2015 19:11

There really arent that many children that need adopting. Your premise seems flawed. Why should people uninterested in adoption consider adopting? How would that help anyone?

Original poster
Kittykatmary · 27/03/2015 19:15

Around 6000 children waiting for adoption.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 27/03/2015 19:18

I think it is lovely that you have adopted children and I have a great respect for adoptive parents, because the system isn't easy and you have got to be the right type of person/people.
I disagree with you because the present number of potential adopters come into it as did you, but otherwise to encourage would mean giving some sort of reward or incentive.
I don't think that children should be in care all their lives and agree the system and the outlook for dc in care is not bright, this needs to improve not providing incentives to adopt.
I think you mean well, but you need to think it through. You are obviously the right person, that doesn't mean to say there are thousands like you, because you are special Thanks

Original poster
Kittykatmary · 27/03/2015 19:21

Flowers morethan

OP posts:
JemimaPuddlePop · 27/03/2015 19:22

Out of interest...how did you manage to adopt a dc that was the same age as a biological dc? I thought there were quite strict rules about age gaps? Something like there must be a 3/4 year gap or something?

99pokerface · 27/03/2015 19:22

We adopted a 1 year old and year and a half agao and are now going through the process of adopting again

I think many people don't even realise they would be considered also more people have negative feelings about adoption than you think

99pokerface · 27/03/2015 19:23

Oh and can I just say if 1% of the LGBT population adopted it would mean there would be not a single child waiting for a home now that's somthing to think about

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 27/03/2015 19:24

Where are you getting your figure of 6000 from?

Have you considered that people can have a child of their own willy nilly but of they choose to look into adoption then somebody goes through their life with a fine-toothed comb?

stillwearingaredribbon · 27/03/2015 19:24

Perhaps you are not in the UK?
I have an adopted dd. It is very unusual in the UK to be allowed to adopt children close in age to bio children and unheard of to adopt the same age
Kinship adoption could be different?

Muddiboots · 27/03/2015 19:25

It's not exactly that easy, have had three children, made enquiries about fostering and was ruled out off hand as have four dogs ( despite fact that we live on a farm and they are obedience trained to kennel club gold standard, and three of them are less than ten kg). I know this is specific but just an example of the difficulties.

Starpupil · 27/03/2015 19:25

I'm confused about the ages of your children too. You are not allowed to adopt while actively trying to conceive or undergoing IVF.

sarahlux · 27/03/2015 19:27

I don't think adoption is for everyone. It's an absolutely gruelling process and there really isn't that many children to be adopted. Just look at the adoption boards and you will see plenty of people waiting to be matched with a child.

We have been nearly 3 months and I don't think we will get a match anytime soon.

Lyinginwait888 · 27/03/2015 19:28

I think people are put off as it's such an intrusive process. The idea that a stranger can judge their finances/wider family circumstances etc is really off putting.

Also by the time a child is removed from birth family they could have witnessed some horrific abuse/neglect. Does anyone ever feel confident enough that they have the necessary skills?

Also... Adopted/fostered children are often required to have their own bedroom. Not many people have this.

Also.... Contact with birth parents... Could be really traumatic/upsetting

This is like a stream of consciousness as to why some people wouldn't want to adopt. Me? I'd love to Grin

JemimaPuddlePop · 27/03/2015 19:29

I thought that there were lots of children waiting, if you want 3+ year olds or sibling pairs...and that most people waiting were those who wanted under 3's?

SaucyJack · 27/03/2015 19:29

The thing is is that I'm sure 95% of people have considered adoption at some point. It just isn't for them for whatever reason.

Original poster
Kittykatmary · 27/03/2015 19:29

Shit post mistake it was first dc I had Ivf and last. We are not in the U.K. :)

OP posts:
paxtecum · 27/03/2015 19:29

It's just not that simple though is it?
Some of the threads in the Adoption Chat are heart breaking for many reasons.

Also, not all of us are capable of giving unconditional love to a child that we have not conceived.

Not all adoptions are successful.

letsgotothebeach · 27/03/2015 19:32

Because its not something you can go into willy nilly for want of a better expression. I say this as an adopter.

TeenAndTween · 27/03/2015 19:32

OP - I also think the ages differences are unusual for adoption.

I do think that sometimes people discount adoption because they have misconceptions about who is allowed to adopt.

It is not for the faint-hearted, but is the best thing we ever did.

CunningCat · 27/03/2015 19:32

It is not at all easy to adopt in the uk. I don't know anyone who has adopted that many in th uk.

madreloco · 27/03/2015 19:33

Ok youre not in the UK, most of the people you are talking to are. Do you know anything about adoption in the UK? And from which country are you takung your figures?

99pokerface · 27/03/2015 19:35

Add message | Report | Message poster Muddiboots Fri 27-Mar-15 19:25:26

But you were only ruled out my that LA theirs are 100s of councils and voluntary agenceys
One of my fellow adopters adopted she lives on on site on urban farm the agncey saw it as a positive some sw don't like dogs but you say fair play then move on to the next agncey or council and someone will take you on with four dogs

Lyinginwait888 · 27/03/2015 19:35

I know people who have adopted in the uk. Another poster said, it's really not for the faint hearted.

It put a strain on the marriage; and it was such a loooooong process.

99pokerface · 27/03/2015 19:37

Also a lot of times people ring one council and say can we adopt that coucil say you have four dogs sorry no then the people never borther to enquire any were else then tell everyone elese you can't adopt with dogs even though they ever tired anywhere else then people thing you can't adopt with dogs they never try and the myth contiues

rockinrobintweet · 27/03/2015 19:38

I don't think adoption should be encouraged, I believe someone should really want to foster or adopt so that they can give that child the love and nurture they desperately need; chances are they haven't experienced that as they were put up for adoption in the first place.

I haven't adopted or fostered yet, but fully intend to during my life. but I have personal reasons, like most who choose to adopt, to desire to do this.

I think you're intentions are lovely, but I would have to say I think you're being unreasonable.