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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this lady should help cover the shift

176 replies

mumwhatnothing · 15/02/2015 23:18

I only have 3 weeks left before I start maternity leave, my daughter started school 2 weeks ago and obviously I need to pick her up. On Mondays, I usually work the close shift in a womans clothing store. The woman who works the morning shift refuses to swap for just 3 weeks. She has no school age children and no real commitments. She is just unwilling to help out.

I probably am being unreasonable but it still bugged me.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 15/02/2015 23:20

Yanbu. She's not being very nice.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 15/02/2015 23:22

She might do things on a Monday. She may simply attend a keep fit class or even just enjoy watching something on tv.
She owes you nothing simply because you have children sadly

Lj8893 · 15/02/2015 23:23

I understand your annoyance at it but although it would be a nice thing for her to do for you, she really isn't obligated to do it so yabu. Sorry.

Original poster
mumwhatnothing · 15/02/2015 23:25

I know IABU but I also know if the situation was reversed that I would help out.

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 15/02/2015 23:25

I can understand your frustration. But she's entitled to keep her own shift. Just remember it for the future. Wink

flipchart · 15/02/2015 23:25

It would be nice if she could have helped but as mentioned she may have other plans.

I do shift work and as soon as I get my rota I book my spinning and kettle bell classes, look at the cinema listings and arrange to meet friends. If I'm asked to swop it's not always that straight forward.
People have learned not to assume I'm free in a morning or whenever just because my kids can see to themselves.

Samcro · 15/02/2015 23:25

yabu
just cos she doesnt have kids does not mean she has to do stuff
you need to sort it your self

Staywithme · 15/02/2015 23:26

How do you know she has no real commitments? Has she actually told you that? I'm not trying to be smart. Genuinely wondering if you know what she does in the evening.
Has she ever asked you to swap and if so, did you accommodate her? Just wondering if she has some resentment.
Maybe she's afraid that she won't be able to get back onto her usual shift if she swaps. I've had this happen to me in the past.

AliceLidl · 15/02/2015 23:27

You are being a bit unreasonable.

It would be nice if she wanted to help out, but she shouldn't have to rearrange her life for the sake of yours.

She's possibly worried that this will set a precedent and she will be stuck with shifts she doesn't want for much longer than the three weeks.

flipchart · 15/02/2015 23:27

mum you would IF you were free!
Are you saying if the situation was reversed and you made plans or whatever you would drop them?

If yes then you a flakey to your commitments!

TheAwfulDaughter · 15/02/2015 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lj8893 · 15/02/2015 23:29

Yes, but that would be your choice to help out if the situation was reversed. Shes not you and it is entirely her choice weather to swop or not, like others have said you don't know what her Monday afternoon/evening plans are.
having children doesn't earn you extra rights im afraid.

mommy2ash · 15/02/2015 23:29

yabu she is under no obligation to run her life even three weeks of it according to your childcare needs. presumably her shift suits her.

SoonToBeSix · 15/02/2015 23:30

Yanbu it's called thinking of others before yourself.
Why did your dd start school in February?

Becles · 15/02/2015 23:32

Just for this alone She has no school age children and no real commitments you are being MASSIVELY unreasonable.

It gets my goat so much when parents assume that having a child trumps other commitments or inclinations. If the approach or attitude was, "since you have no kids, naturally you'll be giving way to my needs" I would understand and applaud her for saying no as it does other working mothers no favours at all.

I would personally be v concerned about whether it was a one off request or a slippery slope of being last in the pecking order.

flipchart · 15/02/2015 23:36

soontobesix. Don't be ridiculous!

Last year a member of our team was moaning that another staff member wouldn't swop Tuesday evenings for 8 weeks while she did Slimming world or something. The other staff member just said 'I'm really sorry, I can't help with that shift'
The moaning ent on for ages about how she was a bitch, she was in her 50s, it's not like she has kids or anything. Turns out the staff member , who is a very quiet , private person spent that time ( and a few other 'off'shifts caring for her elderly mother with Alzheimer's.
She didn't want to share it. It only came out after the mother died.

Not saying that's the case here but you never know what's under the surface.

bloodyteenagers · 15/02/2015 23:37

A friend was harassed last year by a colleague to swap shifts becuase she had no real commitments. How could she not like she had children.

Her commitments included going to college to further her education, and looking after an elderly relative plus a second job. But none of these counted to the co-worker.

She doesn't want to do it, that is entirely her choice. Your child care issues are entirely your problem and presumingly you have back up for inset days, school holidays and when she is ill? Looks like you also have to include 3 weeks of pick ups.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/02/2015 23:42

YNBU, but neither is she. Your pregnancy is not her problem. She may not care and she doesnt have to. Just because she has no kids does not mean she has no commitments.

Original poster
mumwhatnothing · 15/02/2015 23:42

Ladies, I know how unreasonable it is to expect assistance, I really do. But it still got my goat, but only because I am in an unreasonable mood today. There is no danger of her doing more than 3 weeks as someone else is starting as soon as I begin mat Leave.

My DD started school in February because we are in Australia and their school year starts end of Jan/ beginning of Feb. It is so weird.

I really do know how unreasonable I am being.

TBH though, I just want to finish work now and be done with it. It is such a pain.

OP posts:
WestEast · 15/02/2015 23:47

Good to know I have no commitments in my life what wih me not having children.

If I was your coworker and you said something like that to me I'd quite likely tell you where to shove your oh so entitled opinion.

grumpasaur · 15/02/2015 23:47

This attitude really makes me angry. I don't have kids, and quite frankly, I get sick of all the ridiculous expectations that SOME people seem to develop as soon as they become parents.

Part of the reason that I don't have children is that I love my life and my freedom... And I choose not to have kids because I don't want to give those things up, at least not yet. So why on earth should I be expected to give them up for your kids?!

Argh. This really pisses me off and I often find myself wanting to tell parents to fuck off with their insane expectations!

Don't even get me started on prams and their impact on pavement etiquette!!!!!

notnaice · 15/02/2015 23:52

What are your plans when you go back? You'll have to juggle then.

Becles · 15/02/2015 23:54

Having been forced onto the path of a double decker this weekend, I stand in solidarity with grumpasaur against the pavement scourge that are 'Pram-raiders'

Staywithme · 15/02/2015 23:55

I know you're pissed off, but you still haven't said how you know if she has or hasn't other commitments. It's acceptable to be annoyed at your difficulties but less so be annoyed at your workmate.

stayanotherday · 15/02/2015 23:55

It's nice if people can help each other out. We do at work but don't assume things because people don't have children. One of the team with no children is ill, another is a carer, another has an ill father and another person lives with an elderly parent.