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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this lady should help cover the shift

176 replies

mumwhatnothing · 15/02/2015 23:18

I only have 3 weeks left before I start maternity leave, my daughter started school 2 weeks ago and obviously I need to pick her up. On Mondays, I usually work the close shift in a womans clothing store. The woman who works the morning shift refuses to swap for just 3 weeks. She has no school age children and no real commitments. She is just unwilling to help out.

I probably am being unreasonable but it still bugged me.

OP posts:
PorridgeBrain · 16/02/2015 06:57

Although presumably you have already made arrangements to cover it if she started 2 weeks ago?

AwfulBeryl · 16/02/2015 06:59

Well you know yabu, but you're upduffed and venting on here and who can blame you. We all do it some times. Wink
Have you spoken to your manager? I don't mean in a go above your colleagues head way as suggested up thread, but in a see if there is anything he / she can do way Smile
I use wraparound care / after school club for my Dts, can you do something like that for the Monday?
Good luck with everything.

Ememem84 · 16/02/2015 07:00

Ooh this winds me up. Yabu. I used to work with people who insisted they get priority because you know, they had kids. They'd be able to work flex hours, take holidays in august (inc bank holiday week thus saving them a days annual leave) because you know they had kids.

I was asked to move my wedding and honeymoon by my then boss because two others in our team had kids and my end of July wedding plus two weeks in august clashed with school holidays.

Your colleague might have plans on a Monday. Or she might not. But she doesn't have to change because you can't sort your child are.

PunkrockerGirl · 16/02/2015 07:09

Can your dh/dp help with school pick-ups? Of course he may be working, but it's more his problem than your colleague's tbh.

VeryVeryDarkGrey · 16/02/2015 07:11

I might not have kids but i have a lot of hobbies and have 2 classes on a monday night alone so theres no way i would swap with you. I dont care who has and hasnt got children...if it was a genuine emergency of course i would help out but you not sorting childcare isnt an emergency

LaLaLaaaa · 16/02/2015 07:15

YABU - world doesn't revolve around people with children. She may have things on outside work you don't know about and YABVU to assume she has no commitments due to being childless.

It's your responsibility to sort your own Childcare, not hers

NiceBitOfCheese · 16/02/2015 07:18

YABU. There is no danger of her doing more than 3 weeks as someone else is starting as soon as I begin mat Leave

Er, so you checked that your replacement won't have to ask your colleague the same thing?

Maybe she knows something you don't - maybe your replacement also has small children.

Most likely she does have other commitments, just ones you don't know/care about. Maybe she just needs that time to unwind. Respect her time.

As they say, 'your failure to plan does not create an emergency for someone else'.

icelollycraving · 16/02/2015 07:22

Yabu,obviously. I am a retail manager & have done my fair share of shifts. Perhaps if you swapped for one of her lates,when your partner/mum/friend could do pick up then she might negotiate. An extra late is not great in anyone's book,particularly Monday which is the graveyard shift for lots of retailers.

LaLyra · 16/02/2015 07:37

YABU. I wouldn't swap in her shoes. I made that mistake when I was 18 and childless. I very quickly became the one everyone asked to swap with. They all had good reasons - childcare let them down, caring for a relative, doctor's appointment etc.

You can't guarantee it's only going to be the one time she's asked. When you swap for one person's childcare problem it's really difficult to say no to someone else's carer problem/hospital appointment/etc.

CPtart · 16/02/2015 07:56

Why do you "obviously" have to pick your DD up from school? Can't her dad juggle his working hours to do it?

Mammanat222 · 16/02/2015 08:08

Had something not totally dissimilar happen to me. A colleague told me she wasn't taking xmas eve as annual leave so I could have it (I was 36w pregnant, have a toddler and was working all over the festive period - bar the public holidays) so I was thrilled to have that extra day and even made arrangements to see family and attend a birthday party. ...

A week before colleague is told she has to take one more day in 2014 or lose it so she decided to take xmas eve afterall. I was so pissed off - I undersood logically that she was just adding her extra day onto her already booked leave but I felt so sorry for myself.

In the grand scheme it didn't matter, I sucked it up and now I am on ML with my children and won't be doing Christmas Eve until at least 2016.

OP I think you need to find an alternative option for the next few weeks (friends / family / a dd friends mum - you can repay the favour / a neighbour - again you can repay the favour) and be happy in the knowledge that in a few weeks its not your problem.

sanfairyanne · 16/02/2015 08:52

do you know this woman? we would all try to cover each other's shifts no questions asked so it is a bit miserable if she really doesnt have a reason not to swap, but its her choice

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 16/02/2015 09:05

I will always help out where I can but it depends on the person I'm helping. If it works both ways then it's great but if the other never helps out then I would be less inclined to help them.

It is true that many parents seem to think they can have first pick of hours and holidays with the assumption that non parents don't have a life.

Flexible working shows this point, so many expect to go back on the hours and days that suit them and don't give a damn if the employer can cope and then throw a hissy fit when the request gets turned down.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 16/02/2015 09:13

It would've been really kind of her to help you out for the last 3 weeks. Being heavily pg and having to deal with new school pick-ups, it would've made your life a lot easier for her to swap those 3 days with you.

Lots of people can be reasonable like that, but some aren't. Maybe if she'd said "oh I'm sorry but I can't do that as I have x y or z" on a Monday then you wouldn't feel so hacked off about it. Maybe she does, many she doesn't, but sadly you can't make people behave the way you want them too.

I'm surprised at the ire you've invoked on this thread. Anyone would think that a woman in her last trimester asking for a 3 day swap is the spawn of satan or should start self flagellation immediately.

DeliciousMonster · 16/02/2015 09:23

What would have been kind is for the OP to accept that someone with no kids might have a life, and to not slag her off on here because she didnt jump to the OP's whims. But as we know, she has no life and no feelings. So we just don't give a crap do we?

AliceLidl · 16/02/2015 09:29

Natureplantar you sound like a bit of a nightmare colleague to work with.

Surely it's not up to you to decide if whats going on in your colleagues lives is "a good enough excuse" or for you to question them about their reasons for not wanting to do you a favour.

They may have very personal stuff going on that they don't want to tell you about, and shouldn't have to tell you about, and they might not be able to think of anything better than "I don't want to" or more elaborate than "I'm doing something else."

Although the fact that they just don't want to is also all the good reason they need not to help you out if they don't want to.

They shouldn't have to explain their lives to you until you are satisfied or risk you complaining to your boss about them and forcing them to reorganise their lives to suit you.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 16/02/2015 09:29

You may be pregnant but that's no excuse to expect a co-worker to swap shifts just because it suits you.

She has no school age children and no real commitments., that's not the point is it and it's very dismissive of you towards her.

DoJo · 16/02/2015 09:39

Anyone would think that a woman in her last trimester asking for a 3 day swap is the spawn of satan or should start self flagellation immediately.

I don't think anyone has condemned the OP for asking just for the assumption that this colleague's plans are unimportant and should be sidelined to accommodate the OP's request.

Staywithme · 16/02/2015 09:44

I think it's the fact that you seem to feel that you have more of a right to decide if your workmate's reason for refusing to swap was deemed worthy, than they do, that annoyed me Nature.
You have no right to ask them why as it's none of your business. I used to go for counselling in the evening but sure as he'll didn't want my workmates to know so would simply have told you no. You going over my head would have caused me distress.

LadyLuck10 · 16/02/2015 09:48

Oh go do one op.
What an entitled arse you sound. Your childcare is not anyone's problem except yours. Your colleague can be going home to do sweet nothing and even then it's still not her problem to help you out. Maybe she wouldn't help you out because you have thrown your entitled weight about since you became pregnant.
Yabvu.

ApocalypseThen · 16/02/2015 09:53

Maybe if she'd said "oh I'm sorry but I can't do that as I have x y or z" on a Monday then you wouldn't feel so hacked off about it.

Well maybe she wouldn't, but it's not really any of her business and she's owed no explanation as to why her colleague doesn't feel like she wants to change her working life to suit someone else.

Preciousbane · 16/02/2015 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

natureplantar101 · 16/02/2015 09:58

Well no if they did not have a good excuse for me or the manager for not coming into work when asked then they are being unreasonable Hmm no one wants to employ a lazy stroppy person who wants certain shifts and time off for no apparent reason do they ? being a parent on the other hand perfectly good excuse for wanting a morning shift and not being able to do the shift they are given because of actual commitments

Staywithme · 16/02/2015 10:05

Sorry nature but you sound like the one who would be the stroppy person who wants certain shifts and if you really do this in work I imagine people would have little respect for you. Being a parent should not give you more rights than your co-workers. You choose to have kids so why should others have to change their lives to suit you? What gives you the right to know other people's business? The manager also has no right to ask another worker what their reasons are and would be told that by me. I've actually done thus in the past and been informed by personnel that I had every right to do so.

LaLyra · 16/02/2015 10:07

What about people who have a perfectly good 'excuse' nature, but don't want to share it with everyone?

I'm thinking of a friend of mine who had counselling for a very private issue at the same time every week. She'd have been totally flustered if someone asked her to work and it would be disgusting that her manager would use it against her because she'd probably rather say 'I don't want too' than 'I'm having counselling because I was raped'.

Plus the OP isn't asking for her shifts covered because she is pregnant. She's asking for childcare issues. Why is 3 weeks of (presumably foreseeable given we know when children start school) childcare issues ok and something colleagues should be keen to help with rather than something that should have been sorted ages ago?

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