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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this lady should help cover the shift

176 replies

mumwhatnothing · 15/02/2015 23:18

I only have 3 weeks left before I start maternity leave, my daughter started school 2 weeks ago and obviously I need to pick her up. On Mondays, I usually work the close shift in a womans clothing store. The woman who works the morning shift refuses to swap for just 3 weeks. She has no school age children and no real commitments. She is just unwilling to help out.

I probably am being unreasonable but it still bugged me.

OP posts:

UnalignedAnt · 15/02/2015 23:57

YABU, but you know that. So, um. YABU? Yes, YABU.

stayanotherday · 15/02/2015 23:58

I sympathise though. It must be a constant juggling act.

ilovesooty · 15/02/2015 23:58

I don't have children but I'm self employed as well as working full time and I chair a bereavement charity. I help out anyone where I can - I worked last night in order to let a colleague spend Valentine's with her partner- but no way would I be shunting around to accommodate someone's childcare arrangements for several weeks.

championnibbler · 16/02/2015 00:12

YABU.
she is not obligated to help you out.

JudgeRinderSays · 16/02/2015 00:15

yabu you need to make proper childcare arrangements

Italiangreyhound · 16/02/2015 00:25

I totally sympathise but you may not know your colleague's situation. She may need to care for an elderly relative or friend, taking them a lunch or dinner etc or other responsibilities she does not want to share with her colleagues. Having children is not the only responsibility that people can have.

She might even find an afternoon shift is too much for her, if she is a morning person, or she may not like walking or driving in the dark etc if the afternoon shift ends late.

Who was looking after your child before she started school? Maybe they could collect your dd for you. Good luck with your maternity leave.

TheCatsFlaps · 16/02/2015 00:38

YABU, but sympathise that you are not in a great situation.

MelonBallersAreStrange · 16/02/2015 00:45

If I were her, I would also say no.

It doesn't matter that you won't ask her again.

If she says yes, she has agreed to the principle that her needs are secondary to someone else's failure to organise proper childcare. That's a slippery slope. She had to just say no.

You want her to switch shifts so you don't have to get pay someone else to pick your DD up from school on 3 Mondays. You say that obviously you have to pick DD up from school. Nope. Not obvious at all. Most working parents get someone else to pick up their children sometimes. Surely you knew ages ago that there would be 3 weeks where you'd need favours or paid help but it seems like you just assumed she would swap.

SoonToBeSix · 16/02/2015 00:46

Flip chart it's ridiculous to put someone else before yourself for three shifts?

natureplantar101 · 16/02/2015 00:54

Maybe she just doesn't want to i have days where people ask me to cover and even if im just doing a 5hr shift all i want is to go home other days I'll help them out its how it is in retail what's on the rota goes anything that isn't on that rota can be decided between employees. have you asked your manager if she can change the rota around for you ? i would

Staywithme · 16/02/2015 00:58

have you asked your manager if she can change the rota around for you ? i would

Seriously? Do you mean if someone didn't want to swap with you, you'd ignore what they wanted and get the manager to do it?

natureplantar101 · 16/02/2015 01:29

Well yes if they didn't have a good excuse for not swapping id ask the manager to switch the rota then again im on 0hrs so its so easy to do it and i wouldn't feel bad doing it I'd have asked the person nicely to do it if they said no I'd ask why , have they got something planned if they said something along the lines of no i cant be bothered then they are the ones being unreasonable and id genuinely need to swap shifts so id take it to the manager if it was a one of thing id let it slide but something long term like a school run or something then id be entitled to am earlier shift as per my contract

Redglitter · 16/02/2015 01:35

Yes YABVU as others have said you have no idea what she does outwith work and what she might have scheduled for her free time. I work shifts and schedule various things for before/after work.

Some arrangements in particular are to do with something I wouldn't want people at work knowing about. If I was asked to swap I'd say no and offer mo explabation, not because I'm being awkward but because I have no desire to discuss some aspects of my life with colleagues

Redglitter · 16/02/2015 01:36

Yes YABVU as others have said you have no idea what she does outwith work and what she might have scheduled for her free time. I work shifts and schedule various things for before/after work.

Redglitter · 16/02/2015 01:39

People don't need a good excuse to say no though. If they don't want to swap that's their business and no one has any right to quiz them on their reasons for saying no

Fuckmath · 16/02/2015 01:43

YABVU, massively so. So cheeky and entitled! tbh it is just simply not her problem that you haven't sorted your childcare, whether for 1 day or 3 weeks, and its gobsmacking that you say she has no kids and so no commitments. You are being outrageous and you need to recognise that. Sort out your childcare for when you go back and sort out your attitude.

Staywithme · 16/02/2015 01:44

I don't know what shifts you work but it sounds like OP works set shifts and in that case I think she'd cause more trouble than it's worth going above her workmate's head. Have you done that before and did did it not piss your workmates off. I'd be livid if a workmate did that on me.

Staywithme · 16/02/2015 01:45

Sorry that post was to nature

TheFairyCaravan · 16/02/2015 01:52

YABU

It grips my shit when people think that as they have little children they should come first. I bet you think you should get first dibs on annual leave at Christmas and school holidays too. Just because you don't know what she does on a Monday afternoon it doesn't mean she isn't doing something important to her.

Years ago when I was still able to work I used to get Tuesday afternoons off. If DH was on lates we used to spend the afternoon shagging in bed. I sure as hell never used to tell everyone at work what my plans were.

OnBlueDolphinStreet · 16/02/2015 03:55

OP, I guess in your mind you top trump her.

Focus your energies on sorting out childcare.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 16/02/2015 04:06

It would be nice to help you out.... But in no way should she feel obliged to...

It is incredible SOME parents attitudes to non parents.... A vague acquaintance rang me at home asking to look after her 3 young children for 5 weeks when she went on a residential course... Unpaid...!! These children also barely knew me...
Also in the middle of my degree finals.... She was outraged that if I couldn't generally risk my degree classification/completely rearrange my life around her needs... And didn't I understand how difficult I was making it for her....

flipchart · 16/02/2015 06:21

Flip chart it's ridiculous to put someone else before yourself for three shifts

My comment was a reply to soontobesix who said the OP was not unreasonable

Yes if you have other commitments, the shifts would cause you inconviennce or you are worried that it may become a permanent thing and you don't want that. Maybe the other person just doesn't like the OP.

My comment was a reply to soontobesix who said the OP was not unreasonable .
My view is if you can help and want to fine but if it doesn't work for what ever reason it's fine to say no.

Remember the usual MN mantra, No is a complete sentence.

mrsdicaprio · 16/02/2015 06:28

Yabu and a bit entitled to think that your childcare is somebody else's priority.

You have absolutely no idea why she won't switch and she is absolutely not obliged to tell you at all.
For all you know she could have an elderly parent or grandparent she needs to help at those times or appointments to get to. I know it's a stressful time for you but clearly you have known these things would be happening and it's your perogative to arrange them nobody else's.

DeliciousMonster · 16/02/2015 06:31

You are so right, those of us with no kids not only have no life, but should always be at the beeck and call of those of with kids and especially those who can't organise their own lives. She should immediately hand over her diary to you to organise for her, what the hell is she thinking?

PorridgeBrain · 16/02/2015 06:33

YABU. What will you do after Mat leave OP or are you not planning on going back? Is there an after school club you can use for the next 3 weeks? Or a friend who can help? Ask to start your Mat leave early?

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