To think this lady should help cover the shift

[mumwhatnothing]

I only have 3 weeks left before I start maternity leave, my daughter started school 2 weeks ago and obviously I need to pick her up. On Mondays, I usually work the close shift in a womans clothing store. The woman who works the morning shift refuses to swap for just 3 weeks. She has no school age children and no real commitments. She is just unwilling to help out.

I probably am being unreasonable but it still bugged me.

I'm glad I don't work with people like nature who seem to think that only parenthood is an adequate reason for not leaping to accommodate the whims and prior arrangements of those with children.

If anyone doesn't want to swap shifts all they need to say is "I'm afraid that's not possible". How is that rude?

purple why would you be pissed off as opposed to just accepting and respecting the other womans decision?

soontobesix Do you honestly think someone who thinks a colleague needs a good reason to do their shift would leave it if someone said they had an appointment for three weeks in a row?

I don't. It'd start more questions about what they do, questions some people simply don't want to answer. If they were likely to leave it then there would't have needed to be anything other than a 'No' answer.

If somebody asked me to swap shifts because their child was ill, mother was in hospital or some other urgent and unexpected reason I would do my best to accommodate them.
But someone who just hadn't bothered to make arrangements or consult with me about changing shifts well in advance and just high handedly assumed that because I had no children it would be no big deal, would really get my hackles up and I would see absolutely no reason to put myself out for someone so self absorbed and inconsiderate.

Purplepoodle she will be gone anyway...
And maybe she does not really like OP? I do not do any favor to people I don't really like, especially if their entitled attitude online is the same IRL.

YABU.

She has no school age children and no real commitments.

How dare you say that? How dare you decide that her commitments are either non-existent or not as important as yours?

I'm sick to death of this attitude that people who don't have children have all the time in the world and nothing in their lives, nor any right to spend their time as they like.

OP and Nature Would you like to borrow my flame-proof undies?

It is true that many parents seem to think they can have first pick of hours and holidays with the assumption that non parents don't have a life.

I don't, but I do think it should be first come first served, which it is in most places I have worked. But I had one boss who disagreed and thought that the most deserving should get first dibs as it wasn't fair for the good planners to always get what they wanted! We were a team of 3 and I booked Easter off well in advance. A few days before Easter my other colleague's parents booked a cruise including her so she asked for the time off, which left my boss on her own as I had already booked my time off and she didn't feel she could say no to my colleague (why the heck didn't her parents ask her first!) So after that she decided to start this policy.

To be fair I don't think I was ever refused, but sometimes you need to book way in advance to get the hotel/room you want so it's a right pain when someone tells you you can't book annual leave even though nobody else has booked it yet.

As far as the shifts are concerned, if you always contractually work Monday mornings, there is no reason why you should work Monday afternoons unless you feel like doing so as a favour either to your boss or a colleague or both. Both the OP and Nature are being pretty unreasonable.

Andrew I think the difference here, is that OP and Nature would expect THEIR personnel life to trump their co-worker's while not giving them the same curtesy. I do feel that work should try to accommodate their workers as best they can but not at the expense of someone else simply because they don't have kids.

what happened prior to your daughter starting school? Can the childminder collect her, or is there an after school club you could use for those three weeks?

As it is only three weeks, would a friend with a child at the same school collect dd and look after until you or your partner get home. Could grandparents collect?

What was your contingency plan and what is your plan for when you go back to work?

Purplepoodle
"I would be pissed off too especially if she didn't give a reason."

Why do you think that you (or the op or nature) are entitled to a reason a reason?

"As others said remember it for the future at some point she will want a favour and guess what u can be busy"

As has been posted, the OP won't be there so there is no possibility of a returned favour and more to the point given the op's attitude I doubt that the co-worker would ever be able to do anything that would trump the OP's kids.

no one wants to employ a lazy stroppy person who wants certain shifts and time off for no apparent reason do they ? being a parent on the other hand perfectly good excuse for wanting a morning shift and not being able to do the shift they are given because of actual commitments

And this is why some people dislike working with or employing parents ...

Maybe the work mate is like me and got burned before?

I was the idiot that swapped the unsocial shifts and worked all the big holidays assuming that my work 'mates' would do the same for me. I was the plank that everyone assumed if they needed to swap, or needed last minute cover that I would step in

Until my Father was diagnosed with a terminal illness and I booked Christmas off (having worked the previous 10, no that's not a typo, 10 years in a row I worked some part of Christmas Day.)

We were told in the Sept that he had 6 months, so I approached my managers and told them I would be booking it off as I was aware no one else had and that it was first come first served.

Despite telling all the team that I was taking Christmas off several of them made plans assuming that I could be persuaded to swap.

When I refused I then spent the whole of November and the 3 weeks of December being told I was unreasonable, I was so selfish, that me having the time off meant that X/Y/Z didn't get to spend Christmas with their kids, never mind that none of them had ever worked on Christmas, and the amount of times I'd helped them out. This was with them knowing that this would be my Fathers last Christmas.

It was one of the reasons that I left the job I loved and that I was very good at 6 months later.

So it might seem like a 'little' thing here and now but you don't know what else is going on in her life, and as said above you knew that this was coming, its not an emergency situation.

Not unreasonable to ask but very unreasonable to comment once she said no.

Oh that's a sad story Smallcog I think that ideally we all try to help out if we can, but we also need to understand if people can't or won't. You were treated really badly & I hope they realised what a gap you left when you left that workplace.

"It might be a complete sentence but it's a rude one. You can be polite without sharing personal information."

But then you are running the risk of people like nature deciding that you don't have a good enough "excuse" and running to the manager to complain about how unfair, unreasonable, lazy and stroppy you are for wanting time off without a good reason.

nature has said above that she would keep questioning a person who said no, to find out if they had plans etc and that if she felt they didn't have an excuse good enough she would go to her manager to force them to swap shifts. I don't think "no, I'm already busy" is what nature means by "good enough excuse".

People should not be forced to explain themselves, either to another colleague like nature or to their manager, for what they do outside their normal hours of work.

The OP has known for quite a while that her DD would be starting school, and should therefore have sorted out childcare a long time since.

So she is BVVVU to expect a colleague to swap shifts. I've no problem with OP having asked, but having been told No she should have accepted it.

Children are NOT a trump card to jump the queue for favourable shifts or to book annual leave when we want ahead of other colleagues.

And I say that as a parent, and also as a former office manager. My policy then was First come, First served. Myself included.

Anyone who chooses to have children must accept that those children are their own responsibility, and make appropriate arrangements. It is NOT up to other colleagues to bail you out of your responsibility.

Nature how did the boss respond when you demanded your colleague's shifts? Do you find that your workplace is generally sympathetic when you need changes made to accommodate your parental responsibilities?

A polite sentence would be Sorry, I can't help, I have private arrangements on Monday afternoons.

A sufficient answer to the question What private arrangements would then be That's my business.

I don't think you need even say 'private arrangements'. 'No, I can't swap with you', said politely, is perfectly fine IMO.

And if they say 'Why?' then the (still polite) answer is 'For my own reasons.'

he changes them for me when i ask he doesn't do excuses or if or silly buts i need the hours someone else doesnt for "unknown" reasons he changes it. simple as that really neither me or him can stand people who aren't part of the team.

Seems like there's a lot of "I" in your team, nature

He sounds like a crap manager and you don't sound like much of a team player nature.

I agree, I wouldn't like to be one of your colleagues and be thought of as 'not part of the team' because I didn't want to be bullied.

natureplantar101 The team is you and him. Man, they must hate you at your job....

So you like working for a bully natureplantar101?

Do you feel you and your boss have a lot in common?