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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this lady should help cover the shift

176 replies

mumwhatnothing · 15/02/2015 23:18

I only have 3 weeks left before I start maternity leave, my daughter started school 2 weeks ago and obviously I need to pick her up. On Mondays, I usually work the close shift in a womans clothing store. The woman who works the morning shift refuses to swap for just 3 weeks. She has no school age children and no real commitments. She is just unwilling to help out.

I probably am being unreasonable but it still bugged me.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 16/02/2015 23:22

Frankly it's your problem. You should have buttered her up more in advance Wink

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/02/2015 23:41

I'm a counsellor. All my clients have set appointments at the same time every week. Most of their colleagues and bosses are unaware of their being in therapy and it's none of their business. No way would it be acceptable to take 3 weeks out because someone CBA making childcare arrangements.

The OP has accepted that SIBU. Nature, you sound like an inconsiderate, selfish, thoughtless workmate. Just because people chose not to tell you why, doesn't mean they don't have a really good reason.Hmm

Redglitter · 17/02/2015 02:43

Either natures job has had a massive turn around since Xmas when the boss was so unreasonable or is this a new job that you've made such a huge impression in in a matter of weeks Hmm

Don't you just love the search facility

debbriana · 17/02/2015 03:02

She has the right to say no. Who are you to dictate what she should do. She didn't ask you to have children. They are your plans not hers.

Whippet81 · 17/02/2015 07:25

YABU.

I used to work in a clothes shop whilst at uni and it used to really piss me of that the women with children presumed that everyone would fit in around what they wanted.

The times I got told 'well you haven't got a family'. No but I was doing a full time uni course and had a horse to look after and that I competed with. If I didn't get to him by a certain time I had to pay the yard to do it so that would pretty much wipe out the last hours anyway.

It probably doesn't sound as important but to me it was - it was my life.

If you have children it doesn't become your colleagues problem - I wouldn't be purposefully awkward but I wouldn't swap with you unless it made no difference or benefitted me in some way.

I have a DS now and work flexible hours but no one has to cover me when I'm not there so I haven't made a difference to anyone else's work pattern.

ssd · 17/02/2015 07:45

this thread has totally surprised me, god theres a lot of stuck up cows on MN these days!!!

whats wrong with the op asking someone to swap for 3 weeks? on a Monday only, thats 3 days this lady is swapping?

I'd do it if it helped someone else out.

its not a lifestyle choice (boak, thats up there with quality time and outsourcing help), its a favour

lighten up folks!!!

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2015 07:55

I don't think it is the asking that most people think is unreasonable, it is the OP being pissed off at being told no on the grounds that it is impossible for people without children to have any commitments that mean they aren't able to help. The OP has already accepted she was unreasonable in this respect.

ilovesooty · 17/02/2015 07:57

Nothing wrong with her asking. The other woman is perfectly within her rights to refuse. Why does it make you a "stuck up cow" to hold that opinion?

CPtart · 17/02/2015 08:04

Still haven't answered why it's your problem to pick up your DD and not her dad. Have I missed something? Why can't he do it/swap/juggle?

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/02/2015 08:16

"I'd do it if it helped someone else out."

Its interesting that this comes up from those that say that they would do it, but would you do it if it interfered with something that you had planned?
Or if was someone that you had had no no real contact with at work?

londonrach · 17/02/2015 08:17

Yabvu. Ask nicely once. If she cant she cant. Accept that. Your rudeness re her no real commitments comment how do you know what she does in that time?

rookiemere · 17/02/2015 08:34

I think the issue ssd is that the OP and apparently her manager have an expectation that the lady will swop and have not positioned it correctly.

If I were the lady and was asked nicely some time ago, not just when it's likely to happen, as your DD starting school is hardly a huge surprise, then I might well have said yes.

If however I was more or less told that I had to change my work pattern at short notice to accomodate someone who appears to be unable to do long term planning, then I'd say no. Oh and if that person was unpleasant or demanding and appeared to have a real justified attitude about the whole thing, then I'd feel quite vindicated about saying no.

londonrach · 17/02/2015 08:39

Just read the whole thread. Do love the idea of ops collegue eating chocolate on the sofa on a monday, maybe reading mn. Grin. Why did ops comment re she has no committments as she has no children upset me so much. I know why...i have no children and has been on beck and call of people before for that reason. Think you hit a nerve op for alot of people. Hope you sorted your dd school collection problem without involving your collegue!

rookiemere · 17/02/2015 09:37

I've been thinking about this some more (off work for the day and meant to be doing cleaning in preparation for DS's play date).
If you are so buddy with the manager why not just ask for the shifts that you wanted needed when your DD started school in advance? That way colleague didn't need to do you a favour.

BadLad · 17/02/2015 09:45

rookiermere, are you confusing the OP with natureplantar? Or did I miss where she is buddied up with her manager?

rookiemere · 17/02/2015 09:47

Whoops sorry Badlad that'll learn me to skim read threads !

Behindthepaintedgarden · 17/02/2015 10:11

You seem to misunderstand ssd. No one is objecting to the OP asking if her colleague will swap shifts. We're objecting to her comment that the colleague has no school going children or 'real commitments' and was therefore being unreasonable not to swap. It was an assumption the OP was making (and she has admitted being unreasonable) and implied that people without children should be prepared to swap shifts at short notice to facilitate working mothers, regardless of their own plans or needs.

UptheChimney · 17/02/2015 12:50

implied that people without children should be prepared to swap shifts at short notice to facilitate working mothers, regardless of their own plans or needs*

I think the implication was stronger than that: that women without children have no legitimate 'plans or needs.'

That's why people said YABU

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 17/02/2015 17:09

So you asked a favour and the person (presumably politely) declined. Fine.

But:

  1. you deride her by assuming that if she hasn't got kids her time is somehow less important than yours

  2. you try to get your boss to enforce your desire to have your own way

  3. you believe that being a team player means making other people change their plans to allow you to get what you want

  4. you still think you are being hard done by.

OP you may just be the most entitled poster I have ever seen on MN (or I may be over reacting due to a headache caused by doing my own half term childcare) ;-)

flipchart · 17/02/2015 17:19

But the Op didn't involve her boss, she just had a moan about the non swop and the cplleague having nothing else on. Don't pile stuff on her that she hasn't done!

Also she has already said she was unreasonable.

GraysAnalogy · 17/02/2015 17:24

Nature you sound like you've never worked for a proper company before and have no clue how employment works.

flipchart · 17/02/2015 17:29

We don't have set shift patterns at my place so we can request what we want ( within reason) however if the rota has already been issued we can ask someone to swop, if they can't (or won't!) we would have to take annual leave.

ilovesooty · 17/02/2015 17:36

I think people are confusing the OP with natureplantar101 who's now gone very quiet.
I think Grays has nailed it. This poster who only a couple of months ago was moaning about her boss and her shifts was in her first proper job and her partner was keen for her to stick it out for the sake of her CV.
She has very little experience of employment and work practices.

MidniteScribbler · 17/02/2015 22:29

The sensible thing would be for the OP to just try and take annual leave for those three weeks, if the manager is able to get another staff member to cover them. It's still uni holidays in Australia, and a lot of stores still have Christmas casuals either on the books or who would be willing to take on a few weeks of shifts for the extra cash. But presumably the OP wants her shift and the money for it as well which is why she is targetting this one woman for her ire.

flipchart · 17/02/2015 22:31

The OP would ) if I've understood this correct) would only need 3 days A/L as its only one day se is struggling with.

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