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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this lady should help cover the shift

176 replies

mumwhatnothing · 15/02/2015 23:18

I only have 3 weeks left before I start maternity leave, my daughter started school 2 weeks ago and obviously I need to pick her up. On Mondays, I usually work the close shift in a womans clothing store. The woman who works the morning shift refuses to swap for just 3 weeks. She has no school age children and no real commitments. She is just unwilling to help out.

I probably am being unreasonable but it still bugged me.

OP posts:
natureplantar101 · 16/02/2015 15:40

He isnt a bully Confused he simply expects the best from the entire team and values teamwork being part of the team in any job means you cover for someone when they really need it. otherwise you'd be out of a job pretty sharpish if anything the people refusing to be a teamplayer are the bullies.

natureplantar101 · 16/02/2015 15:41

Also im always covering for people at work amd im the hardest worker their is if i wanted some time off or a day off then id have earned it fair amd square.

ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 15:42

Anyone who behaves as he does is a bully and a very poor manager.
The fact that you see him as a role model speaks volumes about you.

OnlyLovers · 16/02/2015 15:42

I don't think a manager will get the best out of a team if he thinks that only being a parent is a genuine excuse for wanting a certain shift and that only parents have 'actual commitments' that are worth honouring, and everyone else is 'lazy' or 'stroppy'.

I'd be very resentful if I thought my manager thought of me in this way.

bloodyteenagers · 16/02/2015 15:43

I have told managers in the past to do the shift themselves because my contract States x days/ times. Anyone who dictates and tries to bully me will be told quite swiftly no.
Your manager should be ashamed of himself forcing shift changes becuase neither of you don't like others excuses... Who the fuck do the pair of you think you are?

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/02/2015 15:49

natureplantar101
"im the hardest worker their"

does your manager tell you this often?

"if i wanted some time off or a day off then id have earned it fair amd square."

Even at the expense of others?

Behindthepaintedgarden · 16/02/2015 15:49

I agree that in a team people should help each other out and try to be accommodating. But teams should also respect each member and not decide that one person's circumstances is more important than another's. A childfree person should not be made to feel that they are less valuable than the other members, or that their life outside of work is less significant.

As I said before, I have no problem being flexible or expecting flexibility as regards other people at work. I would, however, be very annoyed if 'people with children' were automatically considered as being more in need of consideration than 'people without children'.

I worked for an organisation like that when I was in my twenties and believe me, it left a very bad taste in a lot of people's mouths and probably coloured some people's views of working mothers for years after.

gobbynorthernbird · 16/02/2015 16:05

This isn't even a parent vs childfree debate, it's 'couldn't be arsed to sort childcare' vs childfree.

Smallcogbigwheel · 16/02/2015 16:09

UptheChimney, thank you, I was fortunate enough to get a better job in all senses of the word with people who do know the meaning of team work.

Anyone who now tried to take the piss would be roundly told No and if they were like natureplantar101's Manager I'd be straight to HR.

Redglitter · 16/02/2015 16:12

I wouldn't say this situation though was 'someone really needing it' It's someone being badly organised and expecting people to change things to suit her. If it was really needed - child in hospital etc that's totally different

you and your boss sound absolutely lovely nature Confused

Smallcogbigwheel · 16/02/2015 16:22

Posted too soon: I am under no obligation to share my personal life with those I work with. My commitments to my job are to do the number of hours set by them and produce an acceptable amount and level of work.

I don't see someone as suddenly realising after 65-6 months that they are going to need some childcare cover and 'pulling my weight'. And while the

OP has accepted that she is being unreasonable and venting, but the attitude as expressed by some other posters makes it harder for all working parents. And colours the views of others around them.

You make people feel less valued because of something they may have no control over, you'll soon have a demoralised staff and/or a high turnover.

More to the point who decides what is the 'more' valid reason? Childfree does not mean responsibility free.

Andrewofgg · 16/02/2015 16:23

nature

He simply expects the best from the entire team and values teamwork being part of the team in any job means you cover for someone when they really need it. otherwise you'd be out of a job pretty sharpish if anything the people refusing to be a teamplayer are the bullies.

So if A has children and B who has not really needs cover will he tell A to make childcare arrangements and get in to the office - or does it only work one way?

FFS - what does "really need" mean to him and to you?

stormtreader · 16/02/2015 16:24

nature, out of interest how many times have YOU been called up and informed that you will now be working x y and z days because someone else in your team has a good reason for not working? Or does that not happen to you because it might disrupt plans with your children?

The OP is totally allowed to ask a fellow worker to swap shifts, and totally allowed to be annoyed that they wont. The other person is also totally allowed to say "no I dont want to swap" and not to have to justify themselves in any way. Its not down to the OP to graciously decide that someone elses plans sound important enough for them to be permitted to keep them. It cant have been a surprise that the OP would need cover for those three weeks, it sounds like they just assumed the swap would be fine and are now put out at not getting their own way.

flipchart · 16/02/2015 16:34

Look you've admitted YABU to be annoyed, expected it etc.

However, it's 3 shifts, not 3 weeks completely but just 3 days. I think if your absolutely sure she has no commitments (eg classes, regular hobby etc) and this is purely that she won't - I totally understand why your annoyed

You never fully know what goes on in people's lives or how the feel. You are only a colleague not a close friend. Even my very close friends don't know everything I do and when. So it may not be a case of 'purely she won't

Like I said before she may not even like you. There is someone at work that I refuse to swop shifts with these days because of how she has behaved towards me in the past. I know these been times when it would have really helped her out andf she wouldn't have had to take annual leave but I just thing of some of the lies that she daid about me and was called out on and how snidely she has behaved and I just think ' you're on your own sweetheart!, this could have been so different'

natureplantar101 · 16/02/2015 21:34

I don't have children as of yet but ive covered plenty of shifts and have no problem with its it's called workingHmm

pinkyredrose · 16/02/2015 21:37

nature are you working for your husband?

ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 21:37

And if you choose to do that, that's fine. Other people can choose not to change their shifts and don't have to justify that choice provided they fulfil their contracted role - which is called working.

msgrinch · 16/02/2015 21:43

yabu. so unreasonable. You should have arranged childcare, it's not her problem. How on earth does it matter whether she has kids? She may want to scrub her toilet that afternoon.

I have children but if I didn't my life/my plans etc would trump your stupidity and entitledness.

natureplantar101 · 16/02/2015 22:58

No I'm not Hmm

ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 23:02

Are you still in your first job where you were complaining about your shifts over Christmas and your boss ' treatment of you?

Tizwailor · 16/02/2015 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/02/2015 23:10

So let me get this right, natureplantar - if you go to your boss, and tell him you want to swap shifts with another worker, he just makes the swap for you. Does he bother to find out if the other person has some reason for needing that particular time off? Or does he just change their shift, and neither he nor you gives a damn about upsetting someone else's arrangements?

And how do the other team members feel, knowing that you can have their shifts, just for asking?

Does he do this for all his team members, or just the favoured few?

BadLad · 16/02/2015 23:10

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a2263759-Too-resign-over-this

Just two months ago you were moaning about shifts at Christmas, natureplantar. How times change

pinkyredrose · 16/02/2015 23:15

Just thought you might be nature .

I know that arsehats flock together.

ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 23:16

BadLad that's what I meant.