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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wake DH up and ask him to take DS?

170 replies

startrek90 · 14/02/2015 08:37

I have a 4 1/2 month old DS. I do all the night wakings and get up with him everyday. I have not had a full nights sleep since he was born. Its only fair as DH works ft.
Last night DH said he wanted to go out today to get some electronic parts (he restores old computer game stations as a hobby) and wanted me to come. He then wants us to watch rugby together and chill. Trouble is I have lots to do. I am really behind in cleaning and washing and I have Sunday school to prepare ( I look after 9 children for 3 hrs Sunday mornibg so their parents can enjoy church in peace) if I go out this morning I know I am going to be up late catching up. DS had a rubbish night last night and I am exhausted. Would I be unreasonable to wake DH at 11am and ask him to take DS for a few hours? He could still go out for those parts but I need to do the housework and washing. Or do you think I should just wait for DH to wake and go out and catch up later on and go to bed late. I know I am being lazy but I can't face staying up late tonight and getting up early tomorrow.

OP posts:

Lottiedoubtie · 14/02/2015 08:39

This is presumably a joke? 11am?

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/02/2015 08:41

You are clearly very, very tired if you think you are in any way being unreasonable.

Also - 9am is a perfectly reasonable time for an adult to get up on a Saturday morning.

TarkaTheOtter · 14/02/2015 08:42

Wow.
You are definitely not lazy.
It sounds like having a baby has not impacted on your dh's life at all.

Welshwabbit · 14/02/2015 08:44

Wake him up now! My husband works full time and has been up since 7 with our toddler as I've done all the night waking with our 6 week old. You've both been working full - time during the week, except you've been doing nights as well. Childcare at the weekend should be shared (arguably housework too).

DeliciousMonster · 14/02/2015 08:45

Does he know there is a baby in the house?

bluebeanie · 14/02/2015 08:45

9am is a reasonable lie in if you have young kids. When is your lie in?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 14/02/2015 08:46

Gosh. DD is 15 months and not once has DH got up later than 8am at the weekends. He is usually the one to get up with her at 7am at weekends so I get a lie in, as I've been the one up with her in the night. He also works full time.

11am?! What job does he do that means he needs so much sleep at the weekend?

Alternatively, is this a joke?

Superworm · 14/02/2015 08:46

It should you you sleeping in until 11am, not your DH and you should be sharing the housework. I would talk to him about equality and him pulling his weight at home. 11am is a ridiculous lay in for a man that sleeps well every night.

gamerchick · 14/02/2015 08:46

Wake him up now.

DragonMamma · 14/02/2015 08:48

11am?! A lie in is never past 9am in this house, more like 8.30am. I would absolutely be waking your DH up and foisting the baby on him for a few hrs.

skylark2 · 14/02/2015 08:48

Does your DH work nights? How much sleep will he have had by 11am?

PorkyMinch · 14/02/2015 08:48

If you have a child, you get up. If you are tired, you drink some coffee.

Welshwabbit · 14/02/2015 08:48

Oh and my husband also cooks dinner most nights, despite having worked all day because it is tricky for me to cook when I've got the two of them all day. Especially as the toddler no longer naps.

PorkyMinch · 14/02/2015 08:49

That's goes for all parents.

bullseyebraces · 14/02/2015 08:49

err, really?

When did you get up? In my book a lie-in is 2 hrs more sleep than the adult that got up with the kids had…

I have a "very tired" DH who works full-time in a stressful, high responsibility job who is an arse about having his sleep disturbed. Even I would be waking him at 10am at the latest!

skylark2 · 14/02/2015 08:50

And how are you going to go out this morning if your DH will still be asleep at 11?

Put the baby in bed with DH, do what you need to now, enjoy your afternoon out. The world won't end if you don't do the cleaning just this once.

Original poster

startrek90 · 14/02/2015 08:51

no joke. I am trying to be fair and give him a lie in. I guess at the minute I can't see wood for the trees. I feel really guilty that I am not doing enough atm. I have been really ungrateful and unhappy since DS was born and I haven't been fun to live with tbh. I feel so bad for both of them :(

OP posts:

ArcheryAnnie · 14/02/2015 08:51

Wake your DH up now, hand him the baby, and go back to bed yourself. Sod the housework, the electronics, the shopping and the rugby. You having a half-decent nap for the first time in months of broken sleep is more important.

Wake him up earlier tomorrow, too.

PopularNamesInclude · 14/02/2015 08:52

Wake him and get yourself some sleep. Sod his parts and rugby until he has helped with all the chores. maybe you could cut down on Sunday school for a couple of months -every other Sunday? So you can have a lie-in on Sundays.

gamerchick · 14/02/2015 08:52

Why are you doing it all anyway? The husband works full time and he got up at 6.30 with my youngest who can't be left unsupervised. It just wouldn't occur to him to make me get up while he slept.

Wake him up... you need a break and I'm assuming he had a part in making your child didn't he?

pantsjustpants · 14/02/2015 08:55

Go and wake him now! I've just been and kicked Dh out of bed, and he knows I'm unimpressed. I was up in the night with poorly ds (3 and asthmatic/cold) and I got up early with him.

Don't let 11am become the norm! Small babies are incredibly hard work and you should be getting at the very least one night off.

ArcheryAnnie · 14/02/2015 08:55

You've got nothing to feel guilty about, btw. You a whole new human out of your own damn body, and have spent every waking moment ever since keeping it alive and happy. In no other job would someone who hadn't slept properly for months feel that tjey hadn't done enough.

You haven't had time for your basic human functions (sleep), never mind a hobby or a lie-in.

DandyHighwayman · 14/02/2015 08:55

Ummmmm

Not very nice of your churchy folk to expect you to wrangle 10 children every Sunday morning when your own child is still so tiny. Nasty pisstakers.

merlehaggard · 14/02/2015 08:56

My husband worked last night and will be getting up at 11am. He should really have more sleep but needs to get back into the pattern of days for the weekend and doesn't want to waste Saturday sleeping. In my house, in these circumstances we would both work together to catch up on the majority of work (albeit with him not just "knowing" what to do but with me asking him to do certain jobs) and we'd all go out together.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 14/02/2015 08:56

Do you do all the housework, all the laundry and all the baby care? When is your break? Your husband has a day of leisure planned. Do you ever get a day of indulging your own interests? How late does he normally sleep? Why on earth do you describe yourself as lazy?

Paid work is not the only kind of work that is valuable. It doesn't entitle your husband to a maid/nanny 24/7 just because he works full time. It is certainly not 'only fair'.

What will happen if you let the housework and washing slide this weekend?

You describe your Sunday school as giving other parents a break. Do you ever get one yourself or is your whole life devoted to serving others?

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