to wake DH up and ask him to take DS?

[startrek90]

I have a 4 1/2 month old DS. I do all the night wakings and get up with him everyday. I have not had a full nights sleep since he was born. Its only fair as DH works ft.
Last night DH said he wanted to go out today to get some electronic parts (he restores old computer game stations as a hobby) and wanted me to come. He then wants us to watch rugby together and chill. Trouble is I have lots to do. I am really behind in cleaning and washing and I have Sunday school to prepare ( I look after 9 children for 3 hrs Sunday mornibg so their parents can enjoy church in peace) if I go out this morning I know I am going to be up late catching up. DS had a rubbish night last night and I am exhausted. Would I be unreasonable to wake DH at 11am and ask him to take DS for a few hours? He could still go out for those parts but I need to do the housework and washing. Or do you think I should just wait for DH to wake and go out and catch up later on and go to bed late. I know I am being lazy but I can't face staying up late tonight and getting up early tomorrow.

You and your husband need to talk and he needs to step up to parenting and doing chores. You need to see your doctor and tell them how unhappy you are, it may be PND.
When does your church support you? Tell them you are taking this year off from running Sunday School and if you choose to return get other church members to share the rota with you.

OP you do actually sound like a slave. He
Get your DH to clean the stairs etc instead of going out to buy stuff for his hobby.

You need a rest or you will get ill. He was up till 2am at work, or relaxing doing his hobby?

Name 4 real life people who know you as the hard-working, caring, committed person you are. Now, where are they? talk to them to boost your self esteem. Because you need help. The church should support you, not cause you stress and grief. You cannot give of yourself right now, so scale down your responsibilities. Talk to your church. Your DH should be helping you through this. This is the 'better or worse' bit where he steps up and supports you through a rough time.

Do you get paid for looking after 9 children tomorrow morning? Or are the churchy people just walking all over you too?

Was your husband working til 2 a.m? If not what was he doing?

What was he doing until 2 am that kept him up?

I am very confused. Is this 2015 or 1955??????

Working full time doesnt excuse him from night duty. Dh and I take turns. He works FT and at the moment Im off on Mat Leave(4mo and a 3yo). At the weekends one of us does the night duty then has a lie in. The next weekend day we swap.

What happens in families where both parents work ft? They both cant be excused.

You need a regular night off. Id go for whenever he gets in from work Friday til 11am Saturday of being "off the clock".

Firstly, if people at church are upset with you for being ill and looking after a poorly baby last week then change churches. It's not very Christian of you.

Your husband need to muck in. He not only needs to do his fair share so you get a break, but he needs to get to know his child!! I think you need to sit down and talk to him (and then spend the day on the settee while he does the housework).

In answer to posters.

No I don't live in the UK I moved after my marriage to be with DH.

My family all live in the UK and we don't have the best relationship so not getting much help. My parents are divorcing and my sis is in hospital with a dangerous pregnancy so they need my sympathetic ear and support. They are having a tough time but thats a whole new thread.

I don't speak the language well and so haven't made any friends yet.

My inlaws are lovely but very busy selfless people. They think I am just very British and so are a bit reserved with me sometimes.

As for church, I asked to stop when DS was born but the fall out was terrible. My SiL and FiL were particularly unimpressed.

I let DH sleep and chill as the mood swings when he doesn't are just too much to deal with. I can't cope with grumpiness.

I came from a family with a lot of shouting and swearing and I promised myself I wouldn't let my family become that.

You sound like a Stepford wife tbh, obsessed with cleaning and keeping your husband happy. Have you always been like this or is something going on with your DH that he's making you feel like this? What was your relationship like before you fell pregnant? You can't go on like this. You don't have to do the Sunday school thing for a start, despite you thinking you will "let people down". You and your baby come first.

Get real! You sound like a fucking martyr. You know this isn't reasonable AT ALL. You owe other people nothing, so who cares what they think. You are not there to serve your DH or his family.

You have a baby, nobody gets things done, most people's houses need some degree of cleaning when they have a baby.

My DH Works often til gone 1am, he often then has to be back at work at 9am and if not working he's up with the kids, as am I. Our oldest is 7, youngest 2. It's been like this since day 1. He doesn't complain or get annoyed or expect me to wait on him hand and foot.

You're a family, in it together and sharing the load, no one shouldering it all on their own.

Get the lazy bugger up!

OP just what are you getting out of this relationship? Moody, lazy husband and abusive, unsupportive in laws. You need to start standing up for yourself.

Stop. The. Church.

Your unsupportive in laws can step in if they feel so inclined.

Its like you are being bullied by those arpund you.

Again no wonder you are unhappy, you are being bullied in a foreign country. You will be teaching your children how to be a doormat if you don't speak up.

From what you've said so far I can not see one redeeming thing about your husband or his family. You re not a slave but a person.

I'd have walked out and come back to the UK before now, it sounds awful.

You must have mug written on your forehead. Your oh and his family must have seen you coming, a nice stepford wife that will follow orders. Wake him up! The lazy bastard and give him the baby fgs!

Well nobody on here can help you OP if you won't help yourself.

Christ almighty this just gets more appalling with every post.

As for church, I asked to stop when DS was born but the fall out was terrible. My SiL and FiL were particularly unimpressed.

all the curchy people i know would be expecting to help you when you have a tiny baby

Darling, you are being treated like a slave here. You don't have to do it all.

The church thing sounds awful - what a selfish bunch of takers. You don't have to ask their permission to stop Sunday school - you just tell them that you are not able to continue, and you stop. Fil and SiL can run it themselves if they're that bothered.

And at weekends, you and dh both muck in. Hobbies fit in when the family work is complete.

You seem totally unable to see how badly you are being treated.

Oh come home love!!
There's more to life than this nonsense ffs.

op I suggest you hide this thread and either post in another gentle section or seek some RL advice.

It sounds like you're having a rubbish time at the moment and you sound depressed.

Good luck

Stop the Children's service at church. I've done children's liturgy and found it as tiring as a full days teaching secondary. It's not doable on no sleep with a tiny baby.