to wake DH up and ask him to take DS?

[startrek90]

I have a 4 1/2 month old DS. I do all the night wakings and get up with him everyday. I have not had a full nights sleep since he was born. Its only fair as DH works ft.
Last night DH said he wanted to go out today to get some electronic parts (he restores old computer game stations as a hobby) and wanted me to come. He then wants us to watch rugby together and chill. Trouble is I have lots to do. I am really behind in cleaning and washing and I have Sunday school to prepare ( I look after 9 children for 3 hrs Sunday mornibg so their parents can enjoy church in peace) if I go out this morning I know I am going to be up late catching up. DS had a rubbish night last night and I am exhausted. Would I be unreasonable to wake DH at 11am and ask him to take DS for a few hours? He could still go out for those parts but I need to do the housework and washing. Or do you think I should just wait for DH to wake and go out and catch up later on and go to bed late. I know I am being lazy but I can't face staying up late tonight and getting up early tomorrow.

People ar upset with you that you didnt do Sunday School as you and YOUR ds were ill ? How very fucking Christian (or whatever religion)

Cant you see that it is very unfair and unreasonable to be 'upset' when someone was ill ?

"I speak English (obviously) German, French and a little Spanish. Its hoped I can help the kids"

Start a language school?

Seriously, why not charge?

It sounds a horrible situation.

I used to get a lie in at the weekends as i used to get up Mon-fri with the kids.

Sometimes husband would go back to bed for a couple of hrs or have an afternoon nap.

I thought that it was standard tbh.

My dad who work 12hrs a day used to get up with us at weekends & my sister was born late 50s!

Staying in bed until 11! I'd be embarrassed to do that if I wasn't ill!

Me and my wife have a deal that she does the night feeds and I get up with the baby at 5/6am every morning including weekends.

This is because when she does the night feed she can feed our son and be sleeping within half an hour. If I do it I can't get back to sleep.

This means she can sleep till 8ish during the week and 11/12 at the weekends. She works full time and I work from home and watch our son.

So your situation seems a bit like ours reversed, maybe your husband should do the night feed and let you get a solid few hours sleep. Barring that he should be up with baby at least 1 weekend morning to let you catch up on your sleep. Also I would suggest his hobbies are his own not yours.

demystified I am not sure I understand....my DH does have his own hobbies. He rebuilds electronics....I wouldn't have a clue how to rewire a plug!

Your child is entitled to British Citizenship as long as you have British citizenship and are not just entitled to it by decent, basically if you were born in the UK. Not if you were have the right just because your parents were born in the UK. check here
You probably have post natal depression, and you are at extremely high risk. You are isolated, and are under immense pressure. I wish I was closer as I would come round and give you support and a break.

Yes wake your DH. No don't go out with him for all his jobs. Yes tell him clearly of all the things you have to do, how you are extremely sleep deprived, that you are working exceptionally hard, and if he loves you he needs to support and defend you.
You are doing the job of several people at present. If it helps work out just how many people would have to be employed to replace you: 2/3 nannies, cleaner, caterers, etc.

Get some sleep. Cut back on housework.
You are doing a very very valuable job.

startrek90 Didn't you say he wants you to come with him to get parts for his hobby and then sit and watch the rugby with him when you would rather be doing something else?

I'd drop the Sunday school for the time being. Your own family must come first. Both of you should be catching up with housework at the weekends and he could take one turn getting up early either Saturday or Sunday.

Sitting to watch the rugby with him wold only be a nice thing if the OP is into rugby. For me, it would be a pain in the arse but my dh wouldn't dream of even asking me as he knows I'd rather chew my own arm off.

OP, is your husband out of bed yet? Why didn't he get to bed before 2?

OP you still haven't said what country you are in? Please do a someone may be able to help you!

OP - I've searched your previous posts, and it strikes me that you are in a relationship that is very one-sided, and you are very isolated. Both by your 'D'H, your PILs and your church.

You also sound as if you could be depressed. Have you seen the doctor to check you haven't got post natal depression?

But you also sound like you're exhausted and simply can't see the wood for the trees.

Wake your fucking lazy twat of a husband up and tell him how exhausted you are and that you need a break.

Tell him - and your PILs - that you are no longer going to go to church and you are not going to run the creche there either.

And tell your equally lazy neighbours that you aren't going to take sole responsibility for cleaning the communal areas.

You need to stand up for yourself a bit more.

I live in Germany on the French/German border. Dh got up at 12:30 (I was distracted by baby) and took the little one out at 3:30. I managed to finish the dishes and thats it :( got to get my skates on now.

I normally enjoy the rugby but atm I have way to much to do. DH just wants us to spend some time together.

Not going to church isn't an option my OH would not be happy and it would affect our marriage a lot..also as unfashionable as it is my faith is really important. To those who suggest talking to the bishop...my FiL is the Bishops boss. I am going to try and speak to SiL again and the bishop but I can see problems. My DH thinks I need to stay true to my calling and stick it out. I just want to sit with the other new mums (we have had 2 other babies born the same month as DS) and try and adapt a little more.

Any suggestions on how to properly bring things up with DH? What would poeple think is a fair division of labour? I should say that DH also has a lot going on at church on Sunays...so much so we never sit together or get any time as a family there. I do feel like we both get dumped on when no one else wants to do it.

I guess I just feel very lonely and fed up atm. MN is my only safe place to vent. If I didn't have here I would probably explode at someone! Thanks to all who have replied. I really appreciate you all taking the time to try and help me :) I am super grateful

Well for a start why did he stay up till 2 am and get up at 12.30? That's absolutely ridiculous and I would be raging.

Your DH wants you to spend time together but he didn't get up till 12:30. So he wants to spend time with you but only when it suits him and as long as it doesn't interfere with him spending 10 hours in bed and wasting half of Saturday.

Does he do any housework?

Op heres a head wobble. For the love of cheese, yanbu. Yabu to allow the situation were you do it all and dh goes to work to continue.

After all that, you're in Germany? There was me thinking you lived in some kind of backwards culture with no support from any authorities.

Sounds like you are taking too much on. I'd perhaps take a "holiday" from the Sunday school for a few months, so you can have some peace yourself. I'm sure the parents would understand, having kids themselves.

Not always an option but is there anyone local who could come and clean for a couple of hours a week at a reasonable rate? Or a friend who could watch the baby while you catch up with things?

My DH was a bit like that, and I found myself making him cups of tea to soften the blow of getting up. I soon saw sense and thought hold on a minute, I've been up four times during the night! I laid down the law and now he's the one bringing me drinks. You'll be surprised at the respect you receive when you decide to kick him into touch! :-)

Just saw your post about OH suggesting you stay true to your calling. I'm sorry to sound harsh but it sounds like it is his calling imposed on you. What is important is nurturing your baby and no one can do that effectively if they are sleep deprived. You need to tell him being a mum is also your calling, and your children, not the housework, come first xx

Trouble is, things won't get better unless things change- and you don't seem to want anything to change. And you FIL is the bishop's boss? What does that meN?

Thanks everyone for your replies. Going to ask to delete the thread. Sorry for wasting your time.

I should have known better. Sorry again.

Oh and if you are a British citizen by birth, your baby is surely automatically a British citizen?