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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Party invitation hell. Tell me what to do.

136 replies

newrecruit · 17/01/2015 10:14

DS2 (year1) has been invited to a party. It's a girl in his class who he's 'sort of' friends with. It's at her house. She's relatively new to the school and I haven't met her Mum. I've accepted.

He has just been invited to a party by one of his really close friends. It's a roller skating party.

It's on at exactly the same time.

I've already told second mum (who I know well) that we've accepted other party. She's fine with it.

However I have no idea how to manage DS. He's going to be furious to miss his friend's party and be made to go to this other one.

I can't back out of the first as it's just too rude, especially as she's new.

OP posts:

PrettyBlueTrees · 17/01/2015 10:17

This a just a lesson that children have to learn. You accept the first invitation. Always.

He'll get over it.

Koalafications · 17/01/2015 10:17

Oh no, that's hard.

I think he is going to have to go to the first party.

Original poster

newrecruit · 17/01/2015 10:21

I know.

The second mother is late arranging (it's in 2 weeks). She has invited the first party girl and quite a few others.

This was all through panicky 'save the date' texts this morning. No invitations have gone out yet. I've gently suggested (in a half jokey way) that DS2 might not be the only one jo can't make it so could she ask about an earlier slot.

I've told her we will have her DS round for tea to make up for DS2 not going.

OP posts:

Hellokittycat · 17/01/2015 10:21

Did you ask him if he wanted to go before you accepted first girls invitation? If so agree with others that he has to stick to it.
A way we've lessened the blow in a similar situation is to reply to second friend saying ds is so sorry he can't make your party, could we arrange a get together another time instead and then set a date for friend to come over to play as something to look forward to

3luckystars · 17/01/2015 10:21

Could you tell the new mum that you can only stay an hour because his best friends party is on too and give them a nice present, Then While you are there you could suggest a play date for the next few weeks so yourself and your son can get to know them by yourselves.
Ye could be at the best friends second party for the cake bit.

It's awkward alright, but I definitely wouldn't cancel on her as that is a bit unfair if she is new, it would look like you just got a better offer.

Original poster

newrecruit · 17/01/2015 10:21

DS2 is not the sort to take these things well.

OP posts:

LoxleyBarrett · 17/01/2015 10:22

There is no hell - you go to the party you have accepted.

LoxleyBarrett · 17/01/2015 10:24

Why is it awkward though. You were invited to a party - you accepted. You got another invite for a different party - the answer always is "sorry we can't make it". As for cutting the other party short because you have a better offer - that is just plain rude.

Bowlersarm · 17/01/2015 10:25

No choice, he goes to the party you accepted. One of life's tougher lessons at that age.

Original poster

newrecruit · 17/01/2015 10:26

All parents fine. This happened to DS last year when I arranged a party clash. 2 people did both but they would have been better off just going to the other so I won't do that.

It's just DS really. He wasn't overly keen to go to first girl's party but I said it would be kind as she's new.

OP posts:

MinceSpy · 17/01/2015 10:28

DS2 needs to learn to accept these things, life throws curve balls. I hope you asked him before accepting invite one?

Hulababy · 17/01/2015 10:28

Maybe bf's mum might change her party dates and time now she is aware if the new girls party already being arranged for the same time, esp as she has invited some of the same children. I know I would in her situation.

But as you have already accepted the invitation to the first party - that's where you go IMO. And not half measures and only showing up for half the party. That's just as rude, if not worse in some ways, as backtracking on the invitation.

If bf's party goes ahead at same time - and mum would be daft not to change it knowing what she now knows about the first party and similar invitees - then you just have to decline and maybe offer a play date at another time instead.

Writerwannabe83 · 17/01/2015 10:30

I was about to say what others have said - did he even want to go to the girls party?

If not, and now he's having to miss his best friend's party because you accepted the initial invite on his behalf then I think that's a little unfair.

thatsenoughelsa · 17/01/2015 10:32

The second party may well end up being cancelled/rescheduled anyway once the Mum starts getting texts from people saying their DC's can't make it as there is already another party on the same day. Even if that doesn't happen though, I really don't think it would be right to let your DS back out of the first party. It's important for kids to learn that if you make a commitment to someone you have to honour it. It would be horrible for this girl if none of the kids who RSVP'd show up to her birthday because they've had a better offer.

Anacoreta · 17/01/2015 10:32

Though, he has to go to the first one. Please don't worry too much about him being upset, the moment he finds other friends in the new girl'so party, he will be fine.

It is the other child's mum problem for leaving it so late. If some one needs to be re arranging plans to keep both best friends together is her.

RainbowFlutterby · 17/01/2015 10:34

Ah. So it was you who accepted the invitation to a party he didn't want to go to... and now he misses his best friends party.

Now that is hell.

skylark2 · 17/01/2015 10:36

I'd have responded to the "save the date" texts with "do you realise that's when x's party is?" Especially since x is invited too?

If she's only arranging it now, with no invitations sent out, she can change the date.

Topseyt · 17/01/2015 10:37

This used to happen to us sometimes because my daughter and two or three others in her class either shared her birthday or were within s couple of days of it.

I got together with the other mums and for a couple of years we planned joint parties to ensure the issue stopped arising.

Icimoi · 17/01/2015 10:37

Can you try to persuade bf's mum to change her arrangements? The parents of other guests may not be as scrupulous as you and the first child's party may be spoilt, which is unfair when Mum 2 has left things so late.

Anomaly · 17/01/2015 10:41

Does your son even know his friends party is happening? Mine wouldn't have had a clue unless I told them at that age.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 17/01/2015 10:43

It's not a lesson he has to learn, he didn't accept the first party, the lesson he'd be learning is that adults dictate what he does.

You screwed up, suck it up with the new mum.

KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 17/01/2015 10:44

If your DS isn't keen to go to the first party and will be actively upset to miss the second party then he should go to the second.

Yes, it's hard on the party girl but he should be allowed to make his own decisions.

He didn't decide, you decided.

Explain to the first mum. She'll be fine.

LadyLuck10 · 17/01/2015 10:46

Honestly op, I would decline the first one or say that he could only stay for a little while. Why force him to miss his good friends party over someone he barely knows. I know it's not nice but neither is making him miss his friends party.

Bowlersarm · 17/01/2015 10:47

I doubt the first mum would be fine, Joffrey, I wouldn't be if I was her.

TendonQueen · 17/01/2015 10:47

Wasn't best friend's child invited to the new girl's party then? It seems odd if she got an invite that the mum would go ahead and arrange her own child's party at exactly the same time. Really, her moving the second party would be best all round as then both kids would have more guests at their parties, and the other family did get in first.

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