Party invitation hell. Tell me what to do.

[newrecruit]

DS2 (year1) has been invited to a party. It's a girl in his class who he's 'sort of' friends with. It's at her house. She's relatively new to the school and I haven't met her Mum. I've accepted.

He has just been invited to a party by one of his really close friends. It's a roller skating party.

It's on at exactly the same time.

I've already told second mum (who I know well) that we've accepted other party. She's fine with it.

However I have no idea how to manage DS. He's going to be furious to miss his friend's party and be made to go to this other one.

I can't back out of the first as it's just too rude, especially as she's new.

I hope that the new girl still gets a party, & not just with OPs son!

when is the other boys actual birthday?

is it a surprise that he is having a party on this particular day/

Lucky him!
DS1 isn't in that position, so we start with the people whose parties he has been to and then work through the class list.

I think it's good to teach them not to change at the last minute but I get why your DS would be really miffed if you convinced him to go and now he can't go to his best friends. The other parent shouldn't have left it so late though, I'm surprised she didn't mention it before given their friendship.

Did best friend not get an invite to the girl's birthday? If he did then best friend's mum has been cruel in now organising for the same day because kids will want to go to their friend's not to someone they don't know and she may have a few backouts.

Have you spoken to your DS about it and explained the situation? That the poor girl will feel alone on her birthday? Perhaps he would be happy to go if he knows that?

There seem to be loads of whole class parties which DS has never wanted.

Is "first invite the ones who's parties you've been to and then work down the list?" policy just another way to shaft the summer born kids then? They're already the youngest and most disadvantaged and now you don't even invite them to the parties?

WTF are you on about, Fred?

That just doesn't even make any sense. I have no clue what you're talking about.

New I would be telling him that he has to include this girl in his party, and that we have to be kind as she is new and doesn't know many children.

fred summer born kids only applies in England. Winter born kids are youngest in Scotland.

Although to be fair I've never heard and parents of Winter born kids whinging about them being disadvantaged.

It still doesn't make sense anyway. DS1's birthday is in December (summer here, but he was born in winter in the UK). His school year is February to December. The youngest children are usually born in May/June, as most July babies are kept back another year (the cut off for starting is that they must turn 5 by the 31st July in the year they start school). DS1 has friends from playgroup, from out-of-school activities and from school, not just his own class.

My birthday was always in the summer holidays, so I am one of the "younger ones" - but it was at the end of the school year, so everyone else had had their parties. We don't ONLY invite the ones who've invited us; just START with those as being the ones who should come, and then decide which of the rest of the class are his better friends. I can't seriously imagine anyone picks party attendees on the basis of their age in the year!

To be honest, it sounds like the second party is pretty last minute so the mum can't really expect everyone to be free. Two weeks is pretty late notice for a party I'd say (I have one the DC have been invited to in the diary already for the end of Feb!). Stick with party one - that's the polite thing to do.

Thumbwitch I know what Fred means.

If you start with those who's had invitations from and then make up the numbers with the rest, chances are that those who haven't had their party yet never make it onto the A list - unless you include those from the year before.

Well of course you'd include those from the year before! But never mind, clearly my system doesn't make sense to anyone but us, and it works well for us.

If I was the first mum I'd completely understand why a young boy would want to go to his close friends party rather than one his mum decided to agree to without even asking if he wanted to attend.

Gray the OP has said that she did ask her son first.

Grays, the OP has stated more than once that she did discuss it with her DS and he agreed to attend the girl's party.

I think Mum 1 would understand. If your DS, who you say doesn't take these things well, is going to mope at her party, then they probably won't miss him.
You could still give a gift as you've messed up. Also, if they know in time, they maybe could invite another friend.
Who hopefully won't be too offended at being the B list.

Backing out of a party you have already RSVPd too is rude but given you have done it before then obviously you don't think so.

Thumbwitch, I agree. I always made sure any invites we had accepted were given invites back as its only polite. We stopped inviting those that never bothered to rsvp as just a waste of an invite.

Good manners are formed early in life. My three children understood very early if an invitation was accepted it meant they would be attending that event. I would not be impressed by my child's "fury" over being unable to attend another friend's party scheduled on the same date.

Marci if you did that to my child I'd be very polite about it but I'd be judging you and lose considerable amounts of respect for you.

Snow White, do you mean that I'd done it before?

Yes obviously summer born only applies to England and Wales, but that's the vast majority of readers, the rules apply with different age groups depending on start of school year and birthdays.

How do you count for the previous year in reception parties - the kids weren't in reception together?

It also gets much trickier as they get older.

dS1 8th birthday was only for 5 children.

You did post you had backed out of them before, not sure why a weekend away after sending an RSVP is any better an excuse than backing out for another party.