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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invitation to dh and not me

185 replies

Girl33 · 21/12/2014 11:43

Received separate invites to a friend's wedding in the post. DH is invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast and I am only invited to the evening do. Aibu to think this is really really rude?? DH is shocked and says he's not going without me.

OP posts:
AmserGwin · 21/12/2014 11:45

Are they 'his' friends? Is a bit rude, how far away is the wedding?

DeliciousIrony · 21/12/2014 11:46

I think that is bad form, yes. Is it a mutual friend?

How are you going to respond?

Original poster
Girl33 · 21/12/2014 11:47

It's local. The groom is his close friend. He finds it really offensive!

OP posts:
snowmummy · 21/12/2014 11:47

Extremely rude.

feelingunsupported · 21/12/2014 11:48

Did you invite them to yours?

zaracharlotte · 21/12/2014 11:49

Ignore it completely, or only go to the evening as a couple. Very, very rude.

Original poster
Girl33 · 21/12/2014 11:49

We didn't know them when we got married as it was a while ago.

OP posts:
OldIrving · 21/12/2014 11:50

Really bad manners. To the extent it must be on purpose, you know?

CwtchesAndCuddles · 21/12/2014 11:50

Very rude !!!

CaptainAnkles · 21/12/2014 11:51

Unless your DH has a significant role in the wedding, I'd find it very odd that a couple would be invited to different parts of the day. Actually, even if he was the best man, I'd still think you'd be invited Confused

HeraldAngelSinging · 21/12/2014 11:51

Is your DH invited to the evening do? Your OP doesn't say.

SillyBlueHat · 21/12/2014 11:52

That happened to me. I got bumped up when someone declined the ceremony

Original poster
Girl33 · 21/12/2014 11:53

Yes he is invited to the do as well. He is going to decline the day invitation. At least that means a precious spot will open up for somebody else Wink I feel bad for him though. Told him he doesn't have to but he says it's a direct insult to him.

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 21/12/2014 11:53

Incredibly rude. You are a couple and basic manners dictates that you both get invited to the same parts of the wedding.
If you had been dating for a couple of weeks, then it would different but to do this to a married couple/civil partnership couple/couple in long term committed relationship is just ignorant.
It's also sending a signal about how they feel about you, and that's just plain nasty.

I'm glad your DH sees this for what it is and is finding it offensive. Looks like that friendship ain't going to be the same.

TidyDancer · 21/12/2014 11:54

I don't see a huge problem with this tbh. I presume your DH is closer than you are to the couple? The couple have, for whatever reason, decided to have a tiered wedding/reception and they want the people closest to them with them for the whole day. I get that it might be upsetting to think you're maybe not as highly thought of as others (I don't know if that's the case here) but it's not an insult to your marriage or an indication of how strong they feel your marriage is, so I don't really get why it would be offensive.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 21/12/2014 11:55

I wouldn't bother going to any of it if I were you. It is shockingly ignorant.

Happy36 · 21/12/2014 11:56

You are not unreasonable. If it were me (and we were able to attend) I would RSVP for both if us to attend in the evening.

treaclesoda · 21/12/2014 11:56

I'd be pretty miffed if an invitation like that arrived out of the blue. But on the other hand I once was invited to a friend's wedding without my husband. She asked me first how we'd feel, she was trying cut her numbers back. Since she asked first, we didn't mind.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 21/12/2014 11:58

YANBU

It is very rude to not invite a married couple together.

OddFodd · 21/12/2014 11:58

It's extraordinarily rude. You wouldn't have any other kind of party and only invite half of a couple, so there's no reason why a wedding should be different tidydancer

flowery · 21/12/2014 12:00

YANBU. Different if they were very tight for space and you were a new girlfriend, but you're not.

seesensepeople · 21/12/2014 12:01

As this is a wedding - celebrating being together - it is especially rude to only invite one half of a married couple; "two become one" and all that.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 21/12/2014 12:01

YANBU. If they want to keep costs down they should have just invited you both to the evening

treaclesoda · 21/12/2014 12:01

Odd in fairness I think it's quite normal for only one part of a couple to be invited to non wedding related parties. A wedding is the one thing that I generally would expect an invitation to be for both people. (Although as mentioned, I have attended alone in the past).

LittleDonkeyLeftie · 21/12/2014 12:02

YANBU

I wouldn't go to any of it.