Wedding invitation to dh and not me

[Girl33]

Received separate invites to a friend's wedding in the post. DH is invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast and I am only invited to the evening do. Aibu to think this is really really rude?? DH is shocked and says he's not going without me.

[tobysmum77]

yanbu tbh I think unless there is a very small wedding with big evening party evening dos are just awful. You arrive as the day guests are starting to leave.

[ZenNudist]

Rude rude rude.

How I reacted would depend on how much I fancied the evening do. You could both go to that but just send a card. Or no card. No need to get pressie as they clearly don't think much of you as friends.

Thing is you'll feel very second class friends turning up to evening do if your other 'first class friends' will have enjoyed the entire day.

If your dh is a good friend can he talk to the groom about it?

Probably least socially awkward to decline the whole thing and relegate them to passing acquaintances.

[AnneEyhtMeyer]

I just never understand the "we can only afford x number of guests" thing. Surely it should go like this:

We have x people we want / have to invite

We have £x

Therefore we need to find somewhere that can fit in x people and costs £x / x people per head.

What actually seems to happen is that rather than have a buffet in a village hall that they can afford, people decide they want the posh hotel they can't actually afford and cast aside all manners and decency in the quest to have their "perfect day".

[kali110]

It wouldn't have bothered me. I'd be fine with my dp going to the day and meeting him on the night. I'v been a bridesmaid and my dp has only been invited to the evening. Didn't bother him at all or me.

[clam]

"You arrive as the day guests are starting to leave."

Don't the day guests stay on for the evening do as well?

[saturnvista]

rude.

[saturnvista]

Random funny anecdote: We decided not to have an evening do at our wedding. As we were leaving the wedding venue in the late afternoon, we (and our guests) were very surprised to see more guests arriving for an evening do that my MIL had organised without our knowledge. (We knew she'd invited some family members for 'a bowl of soup' but this was live music, many friends etc.). Our guests thought they'd been left out of something but the truth is we had no idea it was happening.

[StripedCandycaneOss]

they did at ours Clam.

because the venue closed for 3hrs between the end of our lunch and opening for the evening, they all came back to my parents house (or went to the pub) until it opened.

I honestly can't believe so many people are so offended about differing day/evening guests.

[Laquitar]

Anne @ 12:52.
Exactly !

I think it is extremely rude. It is like if your friend comes to your house and you say 'i cant afford 4 steaks so myself, dh, and friend will have steak and you (friend's dh) can have eggs on toast. Wtf?
I dont understand the tier system or seperate invites to couples. Where i come from you invite x and family i.e. your friend and dh or dw and their kids. No confusion.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes]

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all, I think it's fine, we do lots of socialising separately.

[championnibbler]

I wouldn't go to any of this wedding. No wedding present either.

[Lucyccfc]

This is not rude at all. It would have been better to have explained 'why' your DH was invited to the ceremony and you weren't, but there could have been many reasons.

Just because you are a married couple doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip.

I only invited my friends to our ceremony and husbands and partners came in the evening. The room we had, could only accommodate a specific number. I chose to ask 10 very good friends, rather than have to choose 5 of them plus their partners. It would have been very rude and unfair to leave 5 good friends out just so I could invite other friends partners or husbands.

I did show them all the courtesy of speaking to them all and explaining the situation and as they were such good friends, they all understood.

[superram]

I only invited colleagues to my wedding and their partners to evening do. They weren't offended and all came. I didn't work with their partners.

My husband didn't come yo my cousins ceremony as unusual venue but did come for meal.

It's not like they didn't invite you at all. I wouldn't be offended but it is an invite not a summons so feel free not to go.

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

Completely an utterly fine... there is nothing rude about it.

Mind you I can see your DH's case for not wanting to go to all the boring stuff and this is a good excuse to fake disgust...

[DejaVuAllOverAgain]

It's not about socialising separately. Etiquette states that a couple is considered to be a social unit so if you invite one then you invite both. Anything else is considered to be bad manners.

Personally I'd either go just to the evening or not at all, dependent on circumstances.

[Hulababy]

We went to a wedding as evening only guests last night. In hindsight it was a lot further in the car than we'd originally though - not long in miles, but due to the location, it took about an hour and half each way nearly.

I have been evening only guests a few times - mainly because of them being work colleagues or family such as cousins rather than close friends - and its always the same:

• you arrive for the time stated to find the speeches are still going on. So, you end up standing around waiting in the lobby or a small bar area looking not part of the event... often for a good half hour to an hour.
  
• you then half to wait til the tables are all cleared and the room is made for the dance floor or whatever - another half an hour or so
  
• you don't have a designated seat and there are never many extra ones dotted around, so you either have to risk sitting in someone else's chair or stand up most of the night
  
• everyone has only just finished eating and you're not sure if there's a buffet or not, so you never know whether to eat before or not
  

etc.

I'm not a huge fan of wedding only invites these days...its different it is all quite informal or the evening do is in a separate venue, that tends to work much better. But when its been a formal meal and moving on in the same room it often doesn't really work very well for the evening guests.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes]

It is about socialising separately and etiquette is arbitrary anyway. I wouldn't consider this to be rude at all. Being married in no way makes me and DH a single unit for all social purposes, that would be so weird.

[Girl33]

I've just discovered my other married friends have had the same situation as us! Wife is only an evening guest. So DH will decline then they can both go.

[machair]

Sounds rude. However, who did the invitations? Is it possible that a mistake has been made?

[nostress]

I was invited to a wedding minus husband until the evening. I completely understood. They are skint and only met him a couple of times. It was with travel so DH dropped me at the ceremony and went to check into the hotel. He arrived at evening do and totally threw himself into the festivities. Was a grand night!

[gamerchick]

It's mint when your husband has your back... Jolly good

[Girl33]

Gamerchick I've found his outrage quite sexy to be honest! Didn't know he felt so strongly about being married to me haha

[oswellkettleblack]

Two-tiered weddings are rude as it is. People often use other cultures as an excuse to extract money as gifts from guests,saying, oh, people in Greece do this, but they don't have two-tiered weddings in such cultures, or pay bars, or rules about children attending or dress codes.

[Aeroflotgirl]

It is extremely rude and bad manners, really the mentality of some! You are an established couple fgs!