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Original poster

Discreet breastfeeding [title edited by HQ]

236 replies

KnackeredMerrily · 05/12/2014 12:43

Am I the only one to get furious when I keep reading people being 'reasonable' about breastfeeding.

"I dont mind people breastfeeding wherever they like as long as they're discrete about it."

There was NOTHING discrete about my breastfeeding. I didn't have the right breasts or the right latch to be able to be one of those who could do it with no one having a clue. Neither could I put a cover on - I needed to be able to keep a decent eye on him, make sure I wouldn't smother him with a boob, make sure he was attached and I never felt able to happily breathe under a cover (I have asthma) so I was never happy doing it to my son. For the first few months I used 2 hands feeding so it was tricky to establish latch under a cover and keep it so I could peek.

I feel that other women who cannot be discreet should be able to breastfeeds wherever they like and I feel a prang of pride everytime I am chatting to a Mum who is nonchalant about how much boob she shows when she is feeding. Good for them.

No new mother thinks "Hoorah, breastfeeding is a great excuse to get my tits out in public". It's always the caveat "as long as they're not showing anything", that really pisses me off. The ones that don't are not doing it for attention!!!

OP posts:
BeCool · 05/12/2014 12:49

The law is on the side of BF mothers. They can BF how they want to where they want to, as discreetly or indiscreetly as they want to.

Unfortunately you can't legislate the dick heads away, but YANBU to wish you could :)

SaucyJack · 05/12/2014 12:52

I don't care if other people mind or not.

If they don't like it, they're more than welcome to exercise their legal right to not stare at my tits.

bakingtins · 05/12/2014 12:54

YANBU. There are very few breastfeeding mothers who would choose to show more than necessary or to draw attention to themselves.
Fortunately, humans are designed with a self-swivelling neck, should anything be happening in our eyeline that we don't wish to stare at. Comes in very handy for the more common gratuitous displays of flesh in public - I'm not looking at you - low cut top, builder's bum, muffin top, inadvisable shorts etc etc

stargirl1701 · 05/12/2014 12:56

YANBU. I have found bf challenging twice. I struggle to get a latch discretely. These weirdos need to get a grip. I don't want you to watch my bf. Turn around, FFS!

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 05/12/2014 12:57

I have NEVER noticed someone breastfeeding.

So can only assume that peeps are already being discrete.

People need to stop going on about I, is such a non issue.

BreconBeBuggered · 05/12/2014 12:59

Just listened to a recording of Nigel Farage wittering about how it's not difficult to avoid breastfeeding 'ostentatiously'. Fuckwit. Being a shameless tit doesn't actually make you an expert on the subject. My DC had no concern for my modesty when they were babies. Anyone uncomfortable with this scenario could look away. I didn't exactly wang them on the table for the delectation of other diners.

holdyourown · 05/12/2014 13:02

Yanbu. Beyond infuriating. I think it's wonderful if I see people breastfeeding and I applaud them

holdyourown · 05/12/2014 13:02

metaphorically applaud, not literally Grin

DoJo · 05/12/2014 13:04

I always think of this when these debates come up - the verse about how new mothers are so confident in their bodies that they can't wait to get out and wave them in everyone's faces is my personal favourite...

Cumberlover76 · 05/12/2014 13:12

Ha ha, love that DoJo.

Andrewofgg · 05/12/2014 13:17

Farage is a fuckwit about everything, why should bf be any different?

If you find the presence of a bf mother makes you uncomfortable, whether you are male or female, you're the one with a problem.

Is it more generational than gender? When my DSis was feeding my nephew, now 34 and a father, my DM found it uncomfortable in restaurants where it did not bother me.

Floisme · 05/12/2014 13:19

Is it more generational than gender?
No. You'll find idiots across any age group.

Andrewofgg · 05/12/2014 13:24

Floisme You are right. But a bit harsh on my DM who was 1925 vintage and a woman of her time.

Not many of my DSis's and my age group (1945 and 1952 respectively) were bf - ff was more "scientific" and safer. In 1945, indeed, women were wanted back at work asap.

We both turned out reasonably fit, as did the healthy ff hunk of 30 who calls me Dad!

BarbarianMum · 05/12/2014 13:26

I'm all in favor of descreet breastfeeding but I think any behaviour short of stripping to the waist in public and shaking them in other people's faces is discreet. Certainly I've never come across anyone breastfeeding indescreetly irl and find the people who complain are bothered by the idea of it, regardless of the amount of boob on display.

BarbarianMum · 05/12/2014 13:29

And I don't think you have to be discrete to be discreet, despite what that arse Farage thinks.

Andrewofgg · 05/12/2014 13:31

Nice one, BarbarianMum.

Just as a matter of curiosity, since you have two discrete organs of nutrition available - how do you decide which one to use? Do you alternate?

RedToothBrush · 05/12/2014 13:31

The HUGELY amusing thing about the whole Farage foot in mouth thing today is the other bit of news about breastfeeding on the BBC website today that says:

More breastfeeding 'could save NHS millions'

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-30327780

Clearly Dear Nigel hadn't had a look at that or thinks that all issues in this country can be solved by either shipping them out, hiding them from eyes in case other people get embarrassed or otherwise just pretending they don't exist.

Pretty good clarification of what I already knew, that Farage doesn't like women.

fancyanotherfez · 05/12/2014 13:33

I have met exactly one person who could be described as not 'discreetly' breastfeeding in the 7 years of being a mother, and around breastfeeding mothers, and she clearly was very stressed about the situation and trying to latch the baby on. She did not need some moron staring at her boobs disapprovingly. She probably needed them to look the other way, or carry on chatting to their friends/ reading their book/ eating their dinner and whatever people do in cafes when not staring at peoples breasts! My boss once came right up to me in a cafe when I was breastfeeding to have a closer look at the baby, not realising I was breastfeeding until he was really close up. It's really hard to notice a breast when someone is feeding. You might notice they are feeding, but if that makes people uncomfortable, they can go sit in a toilet until its all over!

CMOTDibbler · 05/12/2014 13:37

When people start going on about bf needing to be discreet, I wish I was still lactating so I could go and sit by them and bf. I'm with BarbarianMum though as I have very rarely seen anyone bf in a manner that showed any more flesh than one would see in a nightclub. or indeed a swimming pool.

Other countries are much less uptight about this, and the age to which you bf your child.

Floisme · 05/12/2014 13:37

Sorry if I sounded harsh about your mum, Andrewofgg Mind you, my mum was born in 1920 and I can remember her breastfeeding my brother!

LaurieMarlow · 05/12/2014 13:37

I think there's an important debate to be had about this.

What does 'discrete' mean anyway? Having thought about it since the Claridges fiasco, my conclusion was that every bf mother I've ever seen has been as discrete as her baby/body allowed her to be. So yes, big boobs, fidgety babies, etc might result in a bit more visible breast, but I've never seen anyone being 'deliberately' indiscreet iykwim.

All theses stories of boobs flagrantly 'flopping' around, whipping out 2 when 1 will do, bf mums standing on tables to shake their tatas prior to a good feed are just so much bullshit.

It's all about control. This patriarchal society can't seem to trust women (who are by and large being as discrete as they can be already - most women find the long loose top and undervest to be more manageable and 'discrete' than all the covers and shawls in the world).

Instead, they rush in, proffering napkins, trying to exert an element of control over the situation. It's an empty, unhelpful gesture for women who are managing perfectly well, but seems to make society feel 'better' because they've gotten involved, made their mark and emphasised the feeling that women's bodies should be 'contained' and marginalised.

The message needs to be butt out and trust women to get on with it.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/12/2014 13:38

I was discreet but never discrete.

BreconBeBuggered · 05/12/2014 13:40

Yes, you alternate, Andrewofgg. It's usually quite easy to remember if the baby only fed on one last time, (though that's not always the case), as the other will be more engorged.

Original poster
KnackeredMerrily · 05/12/2014 13:41

I must admit I have been stewing on this since the Claridges debate, but Farage today pushed me into posting. Read the threads and see if you don't find half of MNers saying "You can't see anything!" and there is no problem if women are being discrete about it.

It's just the implication that if you could see a bit of side boob it'd be acceptable to stop someone bfing in public

OP posts:
anothernumberone · 05/12/2014 13:46

People can be unreasonably ignorant on many issues. I have come to realise that it is more important to be clear on your own values and live life accordingly than to try to pander to others. We all have our own personal lens of exposure and experience that leads to our current values and beliefs and holding on and being true to them is what makes us happiest.