Discreet breastfeeding [title edited by HQ]

[KnackeredMerrily]

Am I the only one to get furious when I keep reading people being 'reasonable' about breastfeeding.

"I dont mind people breastfeeding wherever they like as long as they're discrete about it."

There was NOTHING discrete about my breastfeeding. I didn't have the right breasts or the right latch to be able to be one of those who could do it with no one having a clue. Neither could I put a cover on - I needed to be able to keep a decent eye on him, make sure I wouldn't smother him with a boob, make sure he was attached and I never felt able to happily breathe under a cover (I have asthma) so I was never happy doing it to my son. For the first few months I used 2 hands feeding so it was tricky to establish latch under a cover and keep it so I could peek.

I feel that other women who cannot be discreet should be able to breastfeeds wherever they like and I feel a prang of pride everytime I am chatting to a Mum who is nonchalant about how much boob she shows when she is feeding. Good for them.

No new mother thinks "Hoorah, breastfeeding is a great excuse to get my tits out in public". It's always the caveat "as long as they're not showing anything", that really pisses me off. The ones that don't are not doing it for attention!!!

The Sun's take - disgusting rag.

BamBambini - I hope you didn't have to buy the Sun to bring us that image.

My DS had reflux - I could never tell when or for how long he would need feeding ( it was only 30 mins between feeds at one point and could feed for 50 mins because he was so exhausted he would suck a bit, doze off for a but snd so on). He screamed blue murder if you tried to feed him under a nursing bib/scarf whatever you call them. Plus, I was clumsy, embarrassed and found getting a latch really hard to start with, so I did boob flash more than once.

But frankly, what is the alternative for mothers, never leave the house? It is a hard, hard, HARD lonely grind those first few months. I was close to post natal depression, I think if I hadn't lived somewhere pretty baby friendly I would have gone a bit mad! I have had to stop to bf in parks, on walls, in shopping malls...what are you meant to do if your baby suddenly lets rip?

Perhaps people who get all angsty about bf might benefit from spending a couple of days with a mum of a baby and seeing how hard it is! I was stumbling around practically seeing double with tiredness for months and months and months. Christ, have we really forgotten how to be kind and understanding quite that much?

Very good post ocelot. It's plain unkind to treat another human in such a way. Perhaps that is the best way to rebuff a negative comment-to point out that, whatever their opinion, it is plain rude, inappropriate and uncharitable to express it

I think Clarkson has just confirmed his place in the "no empathy bordering on sociopath" camp if that was ever in doubt.

S/o on my FB just wrote "I wish Clarksons mum hadn't bothered feeding him at all". Lol!

Quite *Chick end". I have to say I personally flipping hated bf. I felt like a donkey tethered at a post because it was so often and for so long. And I was more exhausted than I thought it was possible to be and still keep going. I didn't do it to be some kind of exhibitionist, I did it because it was the best way of comforting and feeding my sick, teary little baby I knew of. I went out and bf because staring at the walls bf for 24/7 is enough to drive anyone insane. Honestly...
Do they have no idea??!!!

Nice post Ocelot, that's it exactly.

It boils my piss to see these tossers make out that fighting for one's right to BF in public is the domain of strident, lefty, 'me, me, me' exhibitionist types hell bent on making some kind of point.

When in reality it's just ordinary Mums trying to keep their babies healthy and happy and themselves sane. Give us a fucking break.

Well normally, I am a pretty strident Lefty! But not then. Too raw postpartum, too shell-shocked with how gruelling it was, too sleep-deprived to have any opinions about anything really.

Seriously though, it has given me a renewed respect for all mothers of babies (bf, bottle or combination fed). It is like there's this shambling, oily-haired, milk splodged, tracksuit bottom wearing crew of new mums and it is only once you have walked a mile in their mocassins you realise THEY ARE ALL FUCKING HEROES. Just by doing their best day after day, night after night.

And once you have got that, how can you be anything other than courteous and kind and considerate, even if you feel personally embarrassed?

Sometimes I wonder if all the outrage about BF does more harm than good. I'm in my 50's and just quietly fed my kids whenever and wherever - I was decreet about it but I wasn't ever embarrassed about. I always felt comfortable and I never once had any dirty 'looks' . Sometimes I think I would be more self concious these days as its all become such an issue. Iyswim

I don't think it does more harm than good. Some people have a very aggressive and hostile response to women not doing what they are told, and I think it's important that those voices are challenged publicly. These high profile cases are unusual and make the news because they are not most women's usual experience. If we don't speak up about discrimination against women then it may never improve.

My own personal experience is that I've never had a single negative comment or look when breastfeeding. I never made any attempts to be discreet as it isn't something that I felt was shameful or indecent. I just got on with feeding.

I spent 5 years of my life BFing, and didn't come across any kind of censure, not that I noticed anyway. But I get mightily pissed off by the suggestion that BFing mothers are not entitled to inhabit the same public space as everyone else, and if anything it's even more irritating to see people agreeing that BFing is fine, as long as all parties are good and quiet and don't draw attention to themselves. Why should women suddenly be subject to unwanted judgements about the modesty of their behaviour?

"if anything it's even more irritating to see people agreeing that BFing is fine, as long as all parties are good and quiet and don't draw attention to themselves."

I know - and it's this presentation of this as a "reasonable" attitude that makes me irate. It's predicated on the assumption that it's OK to be offended by the sight of a woman breastfeeding. The idea that breastfeeding women should be courteous and respectful of other people's attitudes - but there's no need, apparently, for other people to be respectful of a woman's need to feed her baby without interference or comment. It's all one way.

There's also that bizarre view that breastfeeding is a "private" activity and that women should be somehow grateful for the opportunity to breastfeed privately - in a corner or a room or somewhere. Whereas in fact, there's no need for it to be private at all. You just want to be able to stick your baby on the breast wherever and whenever it's hungry and get on with what you're doing. That's actually the best thing about breastfeeding - the fact that it's so convenient.