Discreet breastfeeding [title edited by HQ]

[KnackeredMerrily]

Am I the only one to get furious when I keep reading people being 'reasonable' about breastfeeding.

"I dont mind people breastfeeding wherever they like as long as they're discrete about it."

There was NOTHING discrete about my breastfeeding. I didn't have the right breasts or the right latch to be able to be one of those who could do it with no one having a clue. Neither could I put a cover on - I needed to be able to keep a decent eye on him, make sure I wouldn't smother him with a boob, make sure he was attached and I never felt able to happily breathe under a cover (I have asthma) so I was never happy doing it to my son. For the first few months I used 2 hands feeding so it was tricky to establish latch under a cover and keep it so I could peek.

I feel that other women who cannot be discreet should be able to breastfeeds wherever they like and I feel a prang of pride everytime I am chatting to a Mum who is nonchalant about how much boob she shows when she is feeding. Good for them.

No new mother thinks "Hoorah, breastfeeding is a great excuse to get my tits out in public". It's always the caveat "as long as they're not showing anything", that really pisses me off. The ones that don't are not doing it for attention!!!

An opinion can't be wrong but you might disagree with it

But an opinion should have some sort of factual basis, otherwise it's just fantasy.

The most moronic and stupid comment I've seen was comparing bfing to urinating. It went along the lines of 'if we have to put up with women showing their breasts to everyone, they can't possibly get upset about us getting our penises out and urinating all over the place, because women are allowed to BF anywhere, then men should be able to piss everywhere' I really don't even know where to start critiquing that little gem. However, given that he is a UKIP supporter and allegedly UKippers are all old and poor educated, hopefully when it comes time, they will either forget to vote, or put the x in the wrong box.

And people who suggest that women taking their babies out in cold weather should be reported to SS are moronic and stupid, not simply because I disagree with their views, but simply because anyone who talks such utter tripe deserves to be ridiculed.

If you can actually tell us what the opinion is, then its not an opinion.

Still waiting...

An opinion can be wrong if it's based on factually incorrect assumptions.

There is a great little strip cartoon in Norway with two women on a park bench, one is bf. A bloke walks up, pisses up against the tree behind them, zips up and as he is walking away looks over at the bf mother and says 'disgusting, shouldn't be allowed in public.'

Point nicely demonstrated.

I really struggled to BF at first with both DC but it got better. Once both babies and I were used to it I loved it. I fed everywhere. No-one ever noticed. Only once i was asked if I would be "more comfortable" in a side room. I said no thank you I was fine where I was.

Fed DD at the hairdressers once - it was the only way to stop her screaming. Did the same with both babies on flights and trains as it kept them quiet and happy. Never thought twice about it.

So not being unreasonable. Tron, I'm anxiously awaiting your examples of "too prominent" public breastfeeding situations. I've been brainstorming for a while now:

During a trapeze performance? Going over the Niagara Falls? If the breastfeeding mother in question is a member of a SWAT team currently storming a building?

I'd avoid breastfeeding outside in the winter, but only because nobody wants to have any skin exposed at -40 degrees. If mother and baby are both safe and comfortable, and both permitted to be wherever they are, I really can't think of a situation where breastfeeding wouldn't be okay.

I know someone, without a doubt, that certainly did whip it out for attention.

I'm baffled why someone "whipping it out for attention" is such a terrible thing anyway Darkandstormy? Surely if you believe that a woman feeding her child is "just doing it for attention" and you disapprove, then the most effective response is to look away?

I remember, siting in a park, breast feeding dd, and having a bunch of teenagers coming up to me asking "for a light". (They must have been asking everyone, as I don't smoke). They suddenly realised, when they got VERY close, that I was bing dd. I was not even trying to be discreet. They apologised for disturbing me, I said no worries. I think it is very hard to be mega conspicuous in any situation bfing, unless you are around a bunch if bigoted idiots who obsess about it.

I can think of one circumstance when breastfeeding is inappropriate, and that is while driving. I once saw an article about someone who was ticketed for breastfeeding a toddler while driving older children to school. That was a stupid time and place to feed a baby.

So if feeding your baby endangers people, probably best to wait. If not then no problem. I didn't really realize the picture on the other thread was of the mum in Claridges, but she was a hell of a lot less noticeable just feeding her baby than she was wrapped up in the tablecloth. If someone had tried to do that to me back in the days when I was feeding my two I would have told then (politely) to get lost! In practice no one said anything, and I didn't consciously try to be 'discreet'.

If I say "all people with blue eyes are devious", heavenly, it's not just the fact that you disagree with me that makes it a stupid opinion...

I don't actually think it's the potential glimpse of flesh that upsets some people, they just find the idea of breast milk revolting. That's the only reason I can think why people should find it more offensive when they are eating: just think what most people's reaction would be if you told them you'd put bm in their tea. Or are women being forced into corners/ tents/ toilets so people don't have to think "I hope it didn't look like I was staring at her tits"?
I'm still genuinely puzzled as to why people care so much about this, other than the people who are being made to feel like shit for keeping their baby happy. My hunch is what I've stated above, but people don't want to say these aloud for fear of sounding like a loon

I imagine most would agree that nobody should be criticized simply for feeding their baby, but I can't help noticing that most favouring discretion tend to suggest courtesy / consideration / thinking of others / common sense and so on

On the other hand, some of those with different views have posted remarks like grow the f*k up / moronic f*ing stupidity / anyone being negative can just f*k off / bollocks to discreet, etc, etc

Interesting ...

Puzzled, the problem is that no-one seems to be able to explain why discretion is necessary, or why breastfeeding a baby is indiscreet, discourteous, inconsiderate etc.

And when it comes to offensive language, you'd go a long way to find something more offensive than likening a baby feeding to defecation or masturbation.

What is discreet or attention seeking though? I love my sister but I'm sure she thinks I'm indiscreet and attention seeking to a degree as she was shocked and put on her disapproving tone and face when I told her I had BF at a restaurant table in front of the inlaws. She also told me off for quickly getting dried and changed in the swimming change room - obviously because I refused to hide behind my towel doing the fumbling awkward towel dance - I was a shameless attention seeker.

People are just not going to agree on this - so laws have had to be implemented to stop people harassing others with their own ideas of what is and is not appropriate.

Seems The Sun ran a column slating this mother - comparing her feeding her child to urinating. This countries priorities are so screwed up. God, I hate a The Sun.

People are just not going to agree on this - so laws have had to be implemented to stop people harassing others with their own ideas of what is and is not appropriate

You're right, though personally I regret that the laws were necessary - but if harassment laws are passed I'd hope they'd apply to everyone

FWIW I'm one of those who doesn't have a problem with discreet BF and I struggle to get why some are so uncomfortable with it. However that is their view and I don't think it's my place to tell them how they've got to feel - far less to tell them to f**k off

bambambini, really? what the same sun that has page three girls still in 2014??
they actually slated this mother

ffs its things like that rag that over sexualise breasts
grrr

I could urinate discreetly in a restaurant (long skirt, chamber pot) but it wouldn't be a good plan. Urine is taboo more for hygeine reasons than for the body parts it exposes.

Bambambini: "Seems The Sun ran a column slating this mother - comparing her feeding her child to urinating"

She was clearly making the mistake of using her breasts to feed her baby which, as we all know, is disgusting, when the true purpose of a woman's breasts is for men to leer over.

Puzzled, no-one is telling people they mustn't feel uncomfortable about witnessing breastfeeding - I think most people find it difficult to understand why they do, not least because the people who claim this never seem to explain, but that's a different matter. All that they ask is that such people comply with the law and don't demand that the breastfeeding mother be removed, covered up or otherwise discriminated against, particularly bearing in mind that those who are uncomfortable can simply look elsewhere.

As far as I'm concerned, "being discreet about it" doesn't mean "making 100% sure nobody can possibly see a square inch of breast no matter how hard they try", it means, "not stripping to the waist, throwing your clothes all over the scenery, and shouting 'look at me everyone, I'm BREASTFEEDING!!!'"

FWIW, I've never seen anyone do the second.

Ann Leslie-IMO very good at stereotyping and making offensive comments-main aim to sell an article! Hers is an opinion like any other but no more valuable.