Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick Advice DD2 refusing to go on holiday...

490 replies

fun1nthesun · 09/08/2014 09:05

We need to leave now! dd2 has decided she isn't going (12 years old). Leaving her with relatives/friends isn't an option. She has form for sudden refusals, and in fact we lost £££ the last time she demanded to do expensive lessons and then changed her mind after we had given the money.

Any suggestions? Our holiday is ruined Sad

OP posts:
maddy68 · 09/08/2014 09:08

I would try to stay calm. Take her to one side so she isn't showing off to everyone else. Explain how hard you have worked to afford the and you need thus. There are two options, either you all go and she puts her feelings to one sued and you make arrangements so she doesn't have to go next time or non of you go. Give her 10 mins to decide.

GoEasyPudding · 09/08/2014 09:09

Where are you going?

Can bribery be used?

Then when hols are over you can then rethink how you handle the discipline and her behaviour.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2014 09:09

Call her bluff, get in the car and drive away?

Why's she refusing?

CinderellaRockefeller · 09/08/2014 09:09

Go. No 12 year old should have that much power over the family to destroy everything on a whim.

If she causes the holiday not to happen then tell her you'll sell her things to recoup he cost?

Advice offered on the basis that she's a NT tween being a horrendous brat BYW, if there are underlying issues then handle it differently.

Finola1step · 09/08/2014 09:12

I'm sorry but I would go down the harsh route. Something along the lines of

"You have 2 choices.

Choice 1: You get in the car now and cheer yourself up.

Choice 2: I will be up those stairs and in your bedroom with black bin bags. I will remove everything that we have spent our hard earnt money on. I will leave your bed, bedding, curtains and lamp. Everything else that we have bought will go to the tip.

I will not tolerate you wasting our time and money. What's it to be?"

Sirzy · 09/08/2014 09:12

I agree with Cinderella (with the same footnote), and I would make it clear that if you don't go (and go happily) that for the duration of the holiday there will be no going out with friends or anything else - she will be staying in the house doing jobs.

indigo18 · 09/08/2014 09:12

If she got away with it last time then she expects to again. You are letting her run the show; she is 12, she does as she is told. may be too late though!

pandarific · 09/08/2014 09:12

I would tell her she IS going, end of, that there is no point in talking about it. She sounds to be testing you and trying to control the whole family. Your holiday is not ruined, she is just trying it on. Ignore, carry on.

Original poster
fun1nthesun · 09/08/2014 09:13

Oh dear! I've banned her from the xbox, and said the money we spent will be taken from her birthday money...

Not wise, but she's so used to bribery this is probably an extortion attempt.

She likes the power of being able to wreck it for everyone else Sad

OP posts:
Lottiedoubtie · 09/08/2014 09:13

She's 12? (Assuming NT). Tell her you are very sorry but that just isn't her decision to make. The family wants/has paid for a holiday and it would be neglectful of you to leave her behind. I would also tell her that she can either go and be miserable or go and try and have a nice time, her choice.

Mama1980 · 09/08/2014 09:14

She's 12, you say she goes she goes, she has no choice.

Lottiedoubtie · 09/08/2014 09:15

How much birthday money did she get? Enough for a family holiday??

Finola1step · 09/08/2014 09:16

So are you going?

Forgettable · 09/08/2014 09:16

Gosh yes, hers is not the deciding vote

But how to get her in the car/out of the house?

Mama1980 · 09/08/2014 09:16

Let her wreck it for herself, the rest of you ignore, ignore and carry on.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2014 09:16

Sell the xbox and everything she holds dear if your holiday is ruined.

Sorry but you need to stand up to her now.

PenelopePitstops · 09/08/2014 09:16

She's 12, grow a back bone ffs.

Get her in the car/on the plane, stop bribing her! Jeez this is one of the most ridiculous threads I have ever read. How are you allowing yourself to be dictated to by a 12yo.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 09/08/2014 09:17

No 12 year old should be dictating to the rest of the family.

I assume that she's known about your holiday plans for a while, it shouldn't be a surprise to her that this is happening. Because it absolutely should go ahead.

pandarific · 09/08/2014 09:17

She wants drama and attention and you're feeding it. My sister used to pull this stuff all the time. If you usually cave, get your other half (if you are in a couple) to say very clearly 'no means no'. Then absolutely refuse to engage.

Scrumbled · 09/08/2014 09:17

Would giving her a very stern talking to, you are not ruling our holiday again, I am selling our games console. Get in the car and drive around the block.

thornrose · 09/08/2014 09:18

No, this just can't happen! You have to be able to stop this or your life will be hell when she's a teenager. What if she refuses to go to school?

My dd is 14 and has some serious behavioural issues due to SN but when push comes to shove some things are strictly non-negotiable.

indigo18 · 09/08/2014 09:18

She is so used to bribery... you reap what you sow. Not very helpful, sorry, but what will she be like at 16? Is there anyone she would not want to be left with (as in stern disciplinarian grandma/aunt) who would take her, and make her week very dull? Late notice though.

FoxSticks · 09/08/2014 09:18

Is she in the car now? I agree with the others she goes or everything in her room is sold off and she spends the holiday grounded doing chores.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 09/08/2014 09:20

She's under 18, she goes!
No arguments, no debate, when your old enough to have a job, drive and be trusted to look after the house you can stay. Until then you come.

We have no public transport, to stay on your own at our place you really do need to be able to drive, be happy to cycle a fair way or go no where and live on Internet shopping.

SilverStars · 09/08/2014 09:21

If you seriously have cancelled your annual holiday then I would make sure : you spend no money on her this week, she has no treats, no screen time, no mobile phone/Internet access and would consider implementing things other posters have suggested. If you say no birthday money does she get lots? Or was it a very cheap one night camping style hol?

Swipe left for the next trending thread