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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick Advice DD2 refusing to go on holiday...

490 replies

fun1nthesun · 09/08/2014 09:05

We need to leave now! dd2 has decided she isn't going (12 years old). Leaving her with relatives/friends isn't an option. She has form for sudden refusals, and in fact we lost £££ the last time she demanded to do expensive lessons and then changed her mind after we had given the money.

Any suggestions? Our holiday is ruined Sad

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 09/08/2014 09:21

She's 12, she doesn't get a choice. You need to be firm and put your foot down now otherwise she is going to be hell at 15/16!

UptheChimney · 09/08/2014 09:21

You're the grown up here. How do her siblings feel about this?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 09/08/2014 09:22

What the actual fuck? How does your dd have that much power? Spoilt madam.

SilverStars · 09/08/2014 09:22

And I would also request a referral to CAMHS - because if she has form for this and you give in to her then she is going to struggle into adulthood. Sadly there are more serious consequences in adulthood - if do not turn up for exams - fail, if do not do what government says on time sanctions happen for benefits etc.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2014 09:22

I've just read this straight after the thread about the child with siblings with additional needs who might not be getting any respite at all when she desperately needs it.

Your daughter should not be able to spoil things for others and needs to experience
consequences for such destructive behaviour. Why does she do it do you think?

CinderellaRockefeller · 09/08/2014 09:22

Banned her from the XBox? SELL the bloody Xbox! Sell her mobile (I bet she has one), her hair styling equipment, her designer clothes or whatever she owns over the value of absolute essentials. Replace the clothes with asda stuff. She needs to learn she's not the despotic ruler of the household.

If at 12 she enjoys ruining an entire family holiday just for the power rush, what kind of monster will she be by 18?

Stratter5 · 09/08/2014 09:23

Jesus, pick her up, strap her in the car, and bloody go. Since when did 12yos get to dictate anything?

I've never slapped either of mine, but God I would be tempted if either of them had pulled this stunt. You need to come down on her like a ton of bricks.

TrendStopper · 09/08/2014 09:23

Please say that you have gone. There is no way I would let my child dictate what happens.

I would be bagging up her stuff and getting rid of it. She sounds ungrateful.

firesidechat · 09/08/2014 09:23

I thought you were going to say she was 16 or something. I'm shocked that you allow a 12 year old to have so much power. It can't be good for her and won't make her happy. How has it got to the stage that just telling her she is going doesn't work for you?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 09/08/2014 09:23

Have you actually cancelled the holiday? Wow. What is wrong with you? You need some parenting lessons stat.

Original poster
fun1nthesun · 09/08/2014 09:23

We are not feeding the drama. She's been warned what will happen if she doesn't get ready. She's sitting in her room smiling, and she's said to another child that's she's already ruined the holiday.

I've warned her we will take her out to the car in her pjs if we have to...

OP posts:
WilburIsSomePig · 09/08/2014 09:23

She's 12 years old why are you even debating with her? She goes.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 09/08/2014 09:24

There would be no "if" with me. In the car, give your head a shake and stop showing off. Non negotiable.And on the drive, ask yourself op, who has let her get like this?
Hope you get away quick and have a great time.

Sirzy · 09/08/2014 09:24

Oh dear! I've banned her from the xbox, and said the money we spent will be taken from her birthday money

Have I misread this or does she get more birthday money than the value of a holiday?

Ilovenicesoap · 09/08/2014 09:24

Good grief !!!
Tell her to get in the bloody car NOW!
I can't believe you are letting her rule the roost -she is 12!

WellnowImFucked · 09/08/2014 09:24

Seriously?

She's 12, what are you going to do when she s 14-16 etc?

It is wrong on so many levels to give a 12 year old That much power.
And must be scarey to her too.

You really need to draw a line

pandarific · 09/08/2014 09:24

Well she is only 12 - being physically picked up and put in the car could be used as a threat. I think that could be pointed out as a very humiliating option (does she care about being 'cool' and grown up?) when she's mature enough to get herself in.

At this point she's not going to want to lose face, so you need to give her a way to agree that doesn't lie on admitting she is wrong.

WilburIsSomePig · 09/08/2014 09:25

Well she shouldn't be sitting in her room she should be sitting in the bloody car! When did all this behaviour start? How do you normally deal with it?

Jomato · 09/08/2014 09:25

From your last post I heard "you can't go on your xbox (until you hassle me so much I cave and let you back on to avoid an argument)" and "I'm going to take all your birthday presents away (except I won't because I'll feel bad and give you something anyway)". I'd be surprised if that wasn't what your daughter heard as well.

WildFlowersAttractBees · 09/08/2014 09:26

You have o be kidding! Where is the holiday? Could you go along in a few hours?

Sadly you have bigger issues than the holiday, your DD needs dealt with ASAP. Does she behave this way at school?

TheFairyCaravan · 09/08/2014 09:26

Stratter5 I was going to say I'd get DH to carry her to the car, but thought I'd get flamed!

She's enjoying this. You've got to be firm and put her in the car. She sounds like a spoilt little madam, tbh. I bet her siblings have had enough.

Pinkrose1 · 09/08/2014 09:26

Omg. You grab her and put her in the car and while you are away seriously start examining you parenting style. She is 12 not 22!

cingolimama · 09/08/2014 09:27

OP, this is outrageous behaviour! I agree with other posters on a calm, clear, unequivocal, take-charge attitude. Just don't stand for this bullshit. Frankly OP, it sounds as if you've capitulated to your DD in the past.

Go. Drag her kicking and screaming if necessary. She doesn't have to be happy about it, she just has to move her arse into the car/onto the plane/train whatever. You have undoubtedly worked hard for your holiday and deserve it.

Please do NOT reward this behaviour but buying her anything nice just because she deigned to come along. In fact, you MUST lay down the law so that this never happens again and consider taking something away from her - this kind of tantrum (in a 12 year old!) should have consequences. Please, OP this isn't good for you or her or the rest of your family. Please grow a pair and deal with it boldly and fearlessly.

Good luck.

FoxSticks · 09/08/2014 09:27

Well done fun she needs to know she can't pull stunts like this.

CinderellaRockefeller · 09/08/2014 09:27

Bu your sanctions are nothing serious? No Xbox (bet she's thinking that will be for a week max) and loss of a bit of birthday money (you imply not even all of it).

Versus getting to rule the roost. You need to offer sanctions which actually bite.

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