Quick Advice DD2 refusing to go on holiday...

[fun1nthesun]

We need to leave now! dd2 has decided she isn't going (12 years old). Leaving her with relatives/friends isn't an option. She has form for sudden refusals, and in fact we lost £££ the last time she demanded to do expensive lessons and then changed her mind after we had given the money.

Any suggestions? Our holiday is ruined

I just hope the destructive and selfish behaviour has been halted and she's in the car now.

I'm with Lottie - manhandling a child is well and good if they're young enough / you're strong enough, but you need better strategies, so that you can maintain control when they're older

It seems odd that a child wouldn't want to go on holiday. So OP, has she said why she doesn't want to go?
She sounds like hard work. Hope you get it sorted.

Oh absolutely you need a better strategy for the longer term, but today, get her in the damn car and on holiday - and from this instant all bar the essentials stops. Right now.

I would make her life so unpleasant she would never DARE do that to me ever again.

show your DD isthisanacidtest' posts and make her realise how lucky she is she's got you

She's 12; get her in the car and crack on with your holiday

Oh, I do like Catgirl's suggestion

My DC's would need UN reinforcements if they tried a stunt like this. There wouldn't be any dragging her to the car as the consequences for her would be catastrophic.

OP she sounds like a spoilt manipulative little madam and you sound like a total pushover.

I'm just waiting for the have you tried "talking to her / family counselling / does she need therapy / she's just misunderstood" brigade to post.

I take the point about one thing for today and working on the longer strategy.

I'm just that it's got this far already. Although I suppose that isn't very helpful to the OP!

Just the idea of this is making me so mad I'll come over and bollock her for you if you want. I'm a teacher, I'm good at it!

OP, you're getting a bit of a pasting here from everyone, I think mainly because they are just so shocked at her behaviour. I really hope she is in the car and you're on your way somewhere lovely.

When you get back, I think it might be worth really assessing what is going on with her. Because it's not even slightly normal teenage behaviour - and you have other children that are not like this so it's not something that can be explained away by parenting. What's different about her? Does she get more than the other children? Involve professional help if you have to. If you don't fix his, she will have a terrible unfulfilling miserable life, as she will encounter exactly the reactions she's had on here of anger and then suffer from isolation. Imagine her getting kicked out of school, fired from jobs, ruining relationships as she tries to bully her way through life. She's making your other kids life a misery as well.

Just think about it, don't be tempted to write it off as jolly japes and "ooh do you remember the time we had to carry dd kicking and screaming to the car, kids eh?". because she needs your support. Whether it's tough love or whatever else is suggested she needs you to help her so she can function in society as an adult.

When DD was coming up for her teens she had moments where she could he vile. She hadn't been raised that way and I could only put this Jekyl and Hyde change down to hormones.

Those suggesting carrying her to the car, is this something you have ever done? I ask because at 12 DD was as tall as me and exceptionally strong. Trying to carry a 12 year old throwing a shit fit isn't really practical. Aside from the damage left in his or her wake (kicked walls, ornaments etc), you have a kicking, biting, thrashing, angry child who you are trying to put into a small tin box.

If you get them there how do you propose getting a seatbelt on them? How do you make them leave it on? And there follows other issues, DD once kicked the back of DH's seat so hard she made the airbag faulty.

I've been there and worn the T Shirt and there are no easy solutions when bribery and removing much loved objects fails. Manhandling them isn't a solution.

If it helps OP, my screeching banshee is nearly 17 now. She's a wonderful girl who'll do anything for you. Sensible, level headed. The phase will pass. Have a good break

If it came to the bit and she refused to go, and I physically couldn't get her in the car, I'd send her dad on holiday with everyone else and keep her at home with me.

And by the end of her time with me she'd never dare step an inch out of line ever ever again.

I swear. Every single thing out of her room bar essentials. Down to even 7 pairs of pants and the same of bras. Two non-school outfits. No make up. No hair dryer. No straighteners. No access to the internet. No computer games. Nothing. No tv. No radio. Not one toe outside the door of the house and no way to communicate and tell everyone how hard done by she was and I'd take her door off her room.

I know someone who had a daughter like this though thankfully she never pulled this particular stunt. She's an adult now but through her teens she was allowed to dictate the whole family environment. Family therapy had to stop because she manipulated that as well and it nearly wrecked her parents' marriage.

Agree wholeheartedly with Cinderella.

Really hope you managed to get her in the car and off on your holiday. What a horrible attitude she has, to want to spoil it all for the rest of you. That needs nipping in the bud pronto - take all the power away from her! You can't allow a 12yo to have that much power in the family dynamic, it will ruin her. :(

I really hope the lack of update means you are on the way Fun. I hope its a driving holiday, I really wouldn't fancyumy chances of dragging a screaming 12 year old in pjs through airport security.

I have a teenage dd who hates holidays due to ocd and anxieties. She no longer comes away with us. Everyone happy

I bet isthisanacidtest will never have this problem.

Allowing your child to threaten to ruin a holiday is far more unhinged than having to post on the internet, because you can't even get your 12 year old into the car.

I'd imagine she's going to be equally obnoxious on this holiday, she's not suddenly going to be pleasant and easy going.

OP I hope your other dc's enjoy themselves, don't let your dd ruin it for them.

Wasn't it a bit of a risk to book a holiday like this, when she's already experimented with ruining holiday and wasting money?

Perhaps in future sort out a separate treat holiday for her siblings, so she's not getting a treat, and not getting any power, either. The others could go with a relative, or you and DH could take turns "on watch".

Like Cinderella s post. It's perfect to what I think most people are saying. Enjoy your holiday op x