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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick Advice DD2 refusing to go on holiday...

490 replies

fun1nthesun · 09/08/2014 09:05

We need to leave now! dd2 has decided she isn't going (12 years old). Leaving her with relatives/friends isn't an option. She has form for sudden refusals, and in fact we lost £££ the last time she demanded to do expensive lessons and then changed her mind after we had given the money.

Any suggestions? Our holiday is ruined Sad

OP posts:
WildFlowersAttractBees · 09/08/2014 09:27

Pandarific, my 12yr old is bigger than me. Luckily very placid but I could not pick him or many of his male and female friends up.

indigo18 · 09/08/2014 09:27

Just do it! In the car she goes; she can look daft on the plane! I think I might be itching to slap too! How old are siblings? How dare she ruin this for all of you!

Sirzy · 09/08/2014 09:28

I would also make it clear of what the sanctions will be when you get home if she does anything to spoil the holiday for others while away

CeliaFate · 09/08/2014 09:29

Unless there's more to this (I don't know your backstory) then wth are you letting a 12 year old dictate to you what happens?

Call her bluff. Go into her room with bin bags and say, "Get in the car in the next 10 minutes, or you lose everything. Your choice." Then go downstairs.

You've given her a time limit and some space so she won't lose face and think you've "won". You've told her it's her choice so she has a say in the decision.

Then carry it out if she's not in the car in ten minutes.

Castlemilk · 09/08/2014 09:30

Jesus I'd drag her kicking and screaming. And then I'd be telling her that ONE FOOT out of line on the holiday and she'd come back to a room empty of everything bar bed, nightlight, and a copy of War and Peace.

She's smiling that she's ruined the holiday already? Good God her feet wouldn't touch the floor. You and your DH. One arm each. Pyjamas or no. In the Car. Now.

HalfTheSky · 09/08/2014 09:30

She goes in the car. Her only choice is whether she gets ready or whether she gets put in the car, without the stuff she would have otherwise have got ready to take.

Her poor siblings!

Forgettable · 09/08/2014 09:30

Okay

So now get her out the door and get going, pyjamas or no pyjamas, no shouting or stropping from you or husband, no "you've ruined the holiday" stuff

I do know the smug gloatyness, recall v clearly from my own childhood (my older sibling did this a lot, got away with it all the time, us younger siblings were hostage to our sibling's whims)

stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 09:30

My 15yo DS is saying the same thing. It will be his last holiday with us. He has a severely autistic brother so I can understand that he doesn't want to go on this 'holiday'( it will be anything but) with him. However come Wednesday he will be in that car. He has no other option.

EarthWindFire · 09/08/2014 09:31

For once I am actually lost for words...

fanoftheinvisibleman · 09/08/2014 09:32

Sorry but the damn X box would be dumped battered in the bottom of the wheelie bin if my ds pulled that stunt as seriously and smugly as you are describing. Never mind withdrawing use.

Stratter5 · 09/08/2014 09:32

Ahh, Fairy, a flaming doesn't bother me; and I am appalled at this child's manipulative behaviour.

I don't think you're being tough enough, OP; as others have said, you need threats that you won't back down from, sell the X box and phone, and remove anything else dear to her black little heart. Ask her siblings what they think you should do, most kids are excellent at straight talking.

Or, put her on here, and let the MN Collective tell her exactly what we think of her behaviour.

PenelopePitstops · 09/08/2014 09:32

Stop engaging, warn her and leave her.

Give a deadline and if she isn't ready, carry her.

When she returns from holiday her room should be empty.

It sounds like you have created this monster, no you have to destroy it.

CeliaFate · 09/08/2014 09:32

Have you made any progress OP?

ihatethecold · 09/08/2014 09:32

Op, you have my sympathy.
i agree that you need to be firm and stand by what you say, but i understand what its like to have a stubborn teen.
my ds14 can make a person lose the will to live with his dark moods when we are doing something that he isnt keen on.

Original poster
fun1nthesun · 09/08/2014 09:32

Right we are about to carry her to the car, as gently as possible. If I don't come back, we#ve done it! Thanks for all the advice Grin Wish me luck!

OP posts:
Scrumbled · 09/08/2014 09:33

Yes, I would be physically putting her in the car when it's time to go. No talking,explaining, reasoning, as you've already done that. If she has to go it he airport, or get out at a service station in her pj's her problem.

Beenspotted · 09/08/2014 09:33

She really can't be allowed to do this to all of you. Manhandle into the car if you have to and don't be afraid to tell her how unpleasant she is being. Sit her next to an adult in the car so she can't pull any crap once in there.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2014 09:33

Get everyone in the car ready to go.

Strip her room bare and scare the living daylights out of her, get angry.

Stratter5 · 09/08/2014 09:33

Why gently? Just bundle the little wretch up, and shove her in.

Lottiedoubtie · 09/08/2014 09:33

I wouldn't attempt to pick her up or get physical. You should have enough authority over a 12 year old not to need to. Otherwise what's going to happen in a year or so when you definitely can't physically overpower them.

Get up to her room, tell her to wipe the smile off her face, get dressed ad get in the car. Then concentrate on getting the other kids ready to go.

Scrumbled · 09/08/2014 09:34

Good luck fun.

My 13 year old is a pita at time.

frolicsandfiddledeedees · 09/08/2014 09:34

I'd drag her kicking and screaming too.

But I'm surprised so many others would! I can just imagine the thread the neighbour would post, AIBU to call the police because my neighbour is forcing a kicking screaming 12 yr old girl into the car? Sad fact is that by doing that you will be leaving yourself wide open to accusations of abuse. I'd do it anyway btw.

HalfTheSky · 09/08/2014 09:34

Good luck - though we want an update when you're back even if it works!

isthisanacidtest · 09/08/2014 09:35

I am with everyone else. I'd physically frog march her to the car - put the child locks on so that she CANNOT get out once she's put in, get her in, slam the door and get on your way.

No fucking way would she get to ruin anyone else's holiday.

And regardless of behaviour on holiday she'd be coming back to NOTHING in her room bar school books and a bed. No fancy clothes - anything holister or other designers would be removed.

And by fuck she'd have to work hard to get it back.

cingolimama · 09/08/2014 09:35

Get her in the car now! And then lock it until the rest of you are ready to depart. Let her scream her head off. She shouldn't be in the room gloating.

Also, Cinderella is right. Your sanctions must bite.

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