Quick Advice DD2 refusing to go on holiday...

[fun1nthesun]

We need to leave now! dd2 has decided she isn't going (12 years old). Leaving her with relatives/friends isn't an option. She has form for sudden refusals, and in fact we lost £££ the last time she demanded to do expensive lessons and then changed her mind after we had given the money.

Any suggestions? Our holiday is ruined

Good luck fun x

You do not need to threaten her with removing phones, xbox etc - you just need to put her tell her to get in the car and go.

She is 12, you are the adult and you make the decisions - do not let her feel she has the right to dictate whether you go on holiday!

Hope you have a great time!

BTW childlocks on the doors - you shouldn't need to with a 12year old but you don't want her trying to do anything daft and hurting herself.

Lottie I should imagine OP has tried that.

She'd have been over DH's shoulder half an hour ago in this house and in the car! DH wouldn't have given a shit if the neighbours had been looking or what noise she made!

I'd take her door off her room too.

She'd even have to earn the right to shut a door on anyone.

I swear I'd go apeshit.

I agree she goes because she has to but when you get home you need to tackle this behaviour

She's 12 (a child) just tell her she is going full stop! Just load the car, other children and carry on. Enjoy your holiday x

Phone and computer/ipad confiscated NOW so that she has no channels of communication with her admiring audience.

Gently? I have a nearly 9 year old who I have never smacked in his life but gently wouldn't come into it here. I'm not in favour of 'fear of god' parenting as a rule but if ds behaved like you have described his feet wouldn't touch. There would be no pussy footing with bargaining or being gentle!

thisisanacidtest has summed up everything I wanted to say.

Oh yes - not one piece of access to social media or a phone would she have. No internet no phone no nothing.

And she'd get none of them ever again unless she shaped up.

What have you done that it's ended up with her having this much power?

Well the OP needs to get better at it rather than resort to physically manhandling the DD- that isn't a workable solution, very soon the girl will be too strong.

Good for you. Put her in the car with as little drama as possible. Explain that her behaviour is unacceptable and there will be consequences for her actions - the x box and phone would be GONE - and then leave it until you get home. You need to nip this in the bid.

I hope you get to enjoy your holiday!

Flabbergasted! The little Madam!

Good luck, Op - hope you've got her sorted.

Yy to all ton of bricks sanctions, too. Do not let her get away with this!

By fuck would I be leaving it while we were on holiday.

I would make sure she had THE MOST MISERABLE FUCKING HOLIDAY IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO GIVE HER.

I would ruin my own holiday to make sure she was fucking miserable every day.

"Can I go..." "Can I have ..." "NO" And I would sit in the dullest most empty place possible while everyone else went off and did nice fun happy stuff.

Even to the extent of no meals out and boring food.

And every fucking time she opened her fucking mouth and wasn't saying how sorry she was I would be telling her EXACTLY why she was being treated the way she was.

Because, if you don't sort this now, you won't have a chance when she's 16.

Thank goodness your not letting her get away with it.

Isthis that is way OTT and aggressive She is a child and usually when they behave like this there is more to it. A happy inclusive family holiday could go a long way to improving things hanging on to this while away is not the way to go

You need to do what was suggested up-thread as well, remove all her shit but the basics and she gets it back when her attitude improves. It sounds like she's head of the family and has all the power, you and your family need to take that back or she's going to grow up to become a deeply unpleasant adult.

The point is, Lottie, this needs dealing with today. Today she needs putting in the car, one way or another, dressed or in pyjamas; when the OP gets back she can address how it can be dealt with in an ongoing manner.

Noddy I disagree. I'd be making sure she knew how far out of line she had stepped. Why on earth wait til you came back from the holiday? She tried to ruin it for everyone else = I'd ruin it for her.

It is a family holiday and letting it be a grim disaster for all of them just shows her how much power she has. I would have an amazing time just to show she doesn't call all the shots.

Tell her you will not only physically pick her up and put her in the car, but your DH will film it and put it on her Facebook feed for all her friends to see.

Then pick her up and put her in the bloody car. (But don't film it)

I hope you made it OP.

I had all this with my 16 year old and told her I would take all the lost money out of her "Uni" account if she didn't shift her arse.

To be honest she was a drag the whole holiday and I almost wish I had left her.

Obviously you cannot do this with a 12 year old so you will have to carry her to the car if she won't budge. I would not let it end there though. There would be serious repercussions for her spoiling the start of your holiday.

I agree with PP that is she gets away with this shit now, you are setting yourself up or bigger issues later bitter voice of experience

Hope your holiday is lovely.

Noddy - everyone else would have a great time. I'd make sure they did. But she would miss out on EVERYTHING. Absolutely.

And then she might appreciate what she had.

Short term pain for long term gain. Fucking sure she'd never do that on me again.

Is there a massive back story to this situation OP that explains the behaviour? Because otherwise I'm a bit surprised(to say t he least) that this situation might arise. Are you going on a particularly weird/adult centeredness holiday?