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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my cousins girlfriend is being a bit grabby

160 replies

HollyGuacamolly · 18/07/2014 17:15

My aunt is pretty wealthy and has offered to by my cousin a house (worth approx 250k) for his 30th birthday, provided he pays the stamp duty etc himself.

Cousin has been with his long term girlfriend for about 6 years but they aren't married and don't have children(unsure whether it's on the cards) and my aunt is buying the house for my cousin (in cash, no mortgage) on the condition that is is in his name only . Cousin and girlfriend currently live together and split rent and bills and the plan is for them both to move into the new house and just split bills (as there will be no rent/mortgage). Cousins gf has thrown a bit of a paddy that she's "not allowed" to be on the deeds of the house, now I can see that she wants some security but AIBU to think it's a bit grabby to want half of it? She's argued that technically cousin hasn't "contributed" either and that as his long term partner she should share in his windfall - she thinks my aunt IBVU. (My aunt does understand that if they marry then the girlfriend will be entitled to half and she's fine with this, just doesn't want to hand over half to a "partner").

On the other hand I can sort of see girlfriend's side so I suggested to my cousin that they both save up and jointly buy a buy to let which will give her some security, since they are now both benefitting from being rent free!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 18/07/2014 17:18

If she is going to be rent-free, she can save up, buy a buy to let and be a happy person. It's difficult though as the aunt appears to be commenting, however subtly, in their lack of marriage.

Flywheel · 18/07/2014 17:18

She is being unreasonable. She has no claim on the house whatsoever and she should count herself very lucky that she will soon be living rent free

londonrach · 18/07/2014 17:18

It's your aunts money she can do with as she sees fit. They not married. If they get married she get half. Gf come and go. How old your cousin. Does he have brothers and sisters?

Lottiedoubtie · 18/07/2014 17:19

GF is massively shooting herself in the foot to make a fuss about this.

Correct etiquette surely is to be hugely grateful to person buying the house- as it will enable both of them to live rent free.

Then quietly, without telling anyone GF and cousin add her to the deeds after the sale assuming he agrees.

If he doesn't agree then GF needs to be having her row with him privately and deciding on their joint future. I don't understand why she would make this matter public to the aunt/you/wider family.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 18/07/2014 17:20

I think if the only reason is because they aren't married it does seem a little unfair. They have been together a long time. I also don't like gifts that come with conditions. It should be up to your cousin to decide not your aunt.

Tryharder · 18/07/2014 17:21

Why should she be entitled to half whether or not they are married? Get off your arse and buy your own house.

phantomnamechanger · 18/07/2014 17:21

IMO yes she is being grabby and the aunt is only trying to protect her DS

who would not like to have a lovely windfall like that! But until they are married, she has no rights to his property, and should just be grateful they BOTH have the opportunity to save up for their futures. It would be awful if they should split up and she got half of the house when aunt is buying it as her sons long term home

headlesslambrini · 18/07/2014 17:23

Surely though if the gf contributes to the ongoing costs and towards decorating, furniture etc, i think this would legally give her a claim anyway. Someone else may be able to confirm this.

londonrach · 18/07/2014 17:24

Personally if was aunt I'd rethink the gift or else buy but keep it in my name and charge a little bit of rent.

BCBG · 18/07/2014 17:25

Sorry, I totally agree with aunt. The gift is to her nephew. If he and his GF live together in the house and she contributes then over time she will have certain claims but not to the extent that a spouse will. Her reaction is also interesting IMHO. A friend of mine inherited sufficient to buy a house, married his girlfriend of five years on the strength of it and within twelve months she had filed for divorce and yes, she got half the house. Do I think money makes cynics - yes I do, but do I think people get greedy - that too. Its up to the aunt who she gives her money to and why. Sorry.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/07/2014 17:26

Get off your arse and buy your own house. Well, TBF he isn't doing that either...

pictish · 18/07/2014 17:28

She is BU. It's not her house, and she has no right to half of it. The gift is from your aunt to her son, not his gf.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 18/07/2014 17:31

He's her DS isn't he? Not her nephew.

Anyway, are you sure that the aunt hasn't done this to kick this sort of row off?

Also she needs to make sure a solicitor has consulted on this gift as I understand it may be taxable and potentially open up the cousin to care fees later.

ExcuseTypos · 18/07/2014 17:31

She is BU.

If the cousin wishes his girlfriend to have half of the house, he just needs to marry her, so I'm sure he will do that if that what he wants.

Tbh if they'd been together 6 years and he doesn't want to formalise their relationship, I'd be off if I was her.

phantomnamechanger · 18/07/2014 17:31

what if the gift was a mega bucks car? or watch? would the GF think she was entitled to half of that too?

she is already benefitting from living rent free - what an opportunity! they can each contribute to running costs and décor etc, and have a joint account for shared expenses and individual savings accounts too

should the relationship end, she's still benefitted from being able to save up

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 18/07/2014 17:31

Gah, that was really badly written. Can I blame the heat?

Vivacia · 18/07/2014 17:32

In-laws tried to do similar with us. I was totally against it. We said "thank you, but no thanks".

Scrounger · 18/07/2014 17:32

The girlfriend is unlikely to get any claim on the house unless she is named on the deeds or she contributes significantly to the value of the house e.g. extension, redevelopment etc a coat of paint or some furniture doesn't count. There also needs to be an agreement that between her and her BF that she would have a stake in the house. This is really difficult to prove.

I agree with the Aunt, I wouldn't want to buy a significant asset for the benefit of my child that could then go to someone else. As the relationship developed that would change but at this point it would be my money and my choice.

londonrach · 18/07/2014 17:33

Think aunt has to live x number of years post gift re care fees. By might have changed. Or aunt could put it in trust...

MegaClutterSlut · 18/07/2014 17:33

I'm in agreement with your aunty on this one, the GF on the other hand is coming across as very grabby indeed tbh. I would never demand half of the house in the same circumstances, ever. It's a gift that is not to her but to him

tobysmum77 · 18/07/2014 17:33

I think it's difficult. usually they would be saving up for their joint home. That means 2 people saving. instead this is harder on her own, there are big disadvantages to buy to let.

In one easy yanbu but in another way she hasnt asked for dp to be given a house and I can see why she wouldn't be esctatic about the terms tbh.

It's another situation of money causing problems I think.

tobysmum77 · 18/07/2014 17:34

vivacia, yes exactly I wouldn't be happy with this if it was me either.

Original poster
HollyGuacamolly · 18/07/2014 17:36

To clarify my cousin is my aunts only son. My cousin actually asked the girlfriend to marry him about a year ago and she said no (not sure why).

OP posts:
skinoncustard · 18/07/2014 17:36

Girlfriend is being totally unreasonable. If I was the aunt I would do exactly the same, If they split up why should she or her son loose 125k to what is basically a girlfriend . She hasn't contributed in any way , ( did she pay half the stamp duty).
It doesn't sound like she is pushing them to marry , only acknowledging that she knows things would then change .
Girlfriend has her rent money available to build up security if that's her concern. After all if they were in rented accommodation and they split both would settle outstanding bills and walk away with nothing.

Jubelteen · 18/07/2014 17:36

She is benefitting from his windfall, she gets to live rent free. Why doesn't she save this money each month and it will give her a deposit for her own property if they split up, or a nice sum towards their wedding if they decide to make a commitment to each other.
Why should she expect her boyfriend's aunt to provide her with security?