To think my cousins girlfriend is being a bit grabby

[HollyGuacamolly]

My aunt is pretty wealthy and has offered to by my cousin a house (worth approx 250k) for his 30th birthday, provided he pays the stamp duty etc himself.

Cousin has been with his long term girlfriend for about 6 years but they aren't married and don't have children(unsure whether it's on the cards) and my aunt is buying the house for my cousin (in cash, no mortgage) on the condition that is is in his name only . Cousin and girlfriend currently live together and split rent and bills and the plan is for them both to move into the new house and just split bills (as there will be no rent/mortgage). Cousins gf has thrown a bit of a paddy that she's "not allowed" to be on the deeds of the house, now I can see that she wants some security but AIBU to think it's a bit grabby to want half of it? She's argued that technically cousin hasn't "contributed" either and that as his long term partner she should share in his windfall - she thinks my aunt IBVU. (My aunt does understand that if they marry then the girlfriend will be entitled to half and she's fine with this, just doesn't want to hand over half to a "partner").

On the other hand I can sort of see girlfriend's side so I suggested to my cousin that they both save up and jointly buy a buy to let which will give her some security, since they are now both benefitting from being rent free!

Those saying gf could simply be added to deeds later are wrong, stamp duty would have to be paid again.

They could buy a £500k house and the gf get a 50% ltv mortgage which she pays herself - they would need to formalise their income and expenditure if they did that IMO as well as the equity I case of a split (as they aren't married) tbh free rent is a big gift which she could put together a deposit and purchase her own property.

The aunt is giving the gift, totally her decision about how she does it and who to. If her son was so unhappy with that he could decline the gift. I am guessing he won't.

The girlfriend did decline the proposal knowing her boyfriend is from a very wealthy family. Surely if she was that grabby she would have said yes knowing there was a good chance of the only son getting some of that wealth at some point.

the son is grabby for putting 250k (or inheritance tax) above his girlfriend. I would hate to live rent free in my partners house. It alters the balance of the relationship.

He is the one who should say no, we are not happy with that and will pay our own way.

I agree your cousin's girlfriend sounds grabby. Her words are not of someone who is worried about security.

FriendsDHFather bought a house just in FriendsDH name. FriendDH could afford to pay his father back alone. Friend only went on the deeds once they were married. Fair though I know Friend was upset at the time given they had a joint account and therefore both paid for everything.

maddening that would be more acceptable to me if I was her.

another grabby person talking about security aka money it is about having a joint home

Sorry but I can completely see the aunt pov. My parents have exactly the same attitude and I am married! But their point is that if they leave something it is me as their child, not my DH. If something happens to me either before or after their death, they would have wanted to be sure that this inheritance was going to my dcs, not my DH.
You can imagine lots of different scenario where for example we have a car accident altogether and my DH inherits all what was my inheritance and then decides to spend it on a new girlfriend, leaving nothing to the dcs. A scenario that is far from being unusual.

In that case, as the girlfriend said NO to get married and on the ground that she didn't do it jut because she is against the idea of marriage, then I can see why the aunt is being protective.

re avoiding to pay taxes, this is only true if she isn't dying in the next seven years. Otherwise, it will go back into the inheritance. And nothing is stopping anyone to do some donation to their child as long as it's done properly.

Very grabby. Once it's her boyfriends house, they can decide as a couple to do what they like but it says a lot about her character that she is kicking up about this now.

Who is that aimed at, Tobysmum?

I can see how the gf would feel strange about it - yes, she'll be able to save, but that means presumably she'll be in quite a different financial position from her partner, as he'll be living rent-free, and maybe their incomes are currently roughly equal and she likes that. Would be a bit of a nightmare with bills as well - if they refurbish, does he pay for it all?

That said, I don't think the aunt is being U at all.

It's a tricky one. It happened to me - DH's parents basically bought us a house, we have a very small mortgage which we share payments on. We're both on the deeds 50/50, I assume it was discussed between DH and his parents, and I never heard anything about whether they would have wanted it another way. We also have nothing legal in place about what happens if we separate. We've only been married a year and have no kids, but if we were to divorce now I would NEVER think to talk half. We've done work on it, so half the increase in value maybe, and my contributions to the loan, yes, but the money DH's parents provided? I can't imagine a person thinking they had a right to that. I might feel differently in ten years/if we have kids etc, but I guess I'd hope that any reasonable person wouldn't be so awful as to take their ex-MIL's money.

But I understand why the aunt wouldn't want her to be able to - and feel quite honoured that DH's parents trusted me not to!

*take half, obviously

Not everyone believes they have to get married.
And perhaps the girlfriend anticipated her partners family would want more say in the wedding than she'd have liked.

Still going from a tenant with some security to a lodger with none is not ideal for anyone.

Telling the aunt that she should be on deed is equivalent to telling her that the aunt should give £125k though.

Can you imagine the situation? Would anyone dare asking for £125k in cash from their potential MIL??

And tbh, it's the aunt's money. She can do whatever she wants with it. If she doesn't want to give it to the gf, it's her decision.
And if she was to die tomorrow, then all the money would go to her son who in effect would be the one person on the deeds again. Should the gf be offended at that too?

well its aimed at whoever is on about the money is a sign of being grabby, it's not about that. If she pays tax on it then actually its 25k.

Who is to say if they split up in 6 months age would claim it anyway? personally I wouldn't because I would feel it's wrong. I wouldn't be happy with it though.

if she died tomorrow he would get 150

The same than if she is giving him the house as it would still be included in the inheritance. Donations are only tax free after 7years and there is a limit to them (which I think is £250k).

But the main point is that they might live in the house and decide to use the money they are saving to buy another house. They can rent that one out and rent until they have enough money to buy their own house etc etc. Saying that she will have to live in that house and the balance in the couple will be wrong doesn't have top be. there are a lot of other options for them.

I don't know why some people are assuming that she would automatically get half if they were married as in the above circumstances there is every chance she wouldn't.

They could put it in both names as tenants in common specifying the different shares. A declaration of trust is drawn up alongside which details the circumstances. This would protect the aunt's share for her nephew but give the gf the security for any contributions she then makes. Really not difficult at all.

Those saying gf could simply be added to deeds later are wrong, stamp duty would have to be paid again

It wouldn't if her partner gifts half. There's no Stamp Duty on gifts. If he sells half to her there is.

It's very tricky. The refused marriage proposal makes it easier to understand your aunt's POV. It would change the relationship balance of power considerably and if they're not strong enough as a couple to resolve this before a house is bought then maybe they need to rethink the relationship. Your cousin does share a lot of the responsibility, though - it's not all about his mother and girlfriend! Girlfriend wants X and MIL wants Y - what about him?

I have scrimped and saved to pay my mortgage (including working 2 jobs, freezing for 2 winters after the boiler packed in because I couldn't afford a new one, etc.) Obviously that was my choice, no one forced me. DP has always rented, never lived beyond his means but always has the latest electronic gadgets etc. i.e. he has never really suffered any hardship.

So now we are going to buy a house together and the likelihood is that the proceeds from my house sale will more than pay for the new house. So is it fair that we have shared ownership? I want him to feel that it is his home, not just mine; he needs some security. But if we split up, I don't want to find myself with only a 50% share which might not be enough to house myself again. There again, anything else seems like I'm expecting the relationship to fail. N.B. We are planning to marry but I didn't think that would automatically mean that he would be entitled to 50% of the assets I already possessed before the marriage?

I've suggested that I pay for most of the joint property but he takes out a mortgage for the rest... and maybe he won't be able to afford all his hobbies and he'll experience a bit of what I went through. But do I just want him to suffer because I suffered? And does that make me a horrible person? Or would it be giving him a sense of genuine ownership and achievement because he had worked hard to pay off his mortgage? And it's not really an efficient use of joint finances if I have spare cash earning practically no interest and he's paying interest on a mortgage.

Sorry about that digression...
Basically, if he wants them to marry but she won't, then she has no right whatsoever to demand shared ownership of the property, but your cousin should understand that she needs to feel it's her home as well as his, and so they need to work out some sort of compromise.

I would go a step further than the aunt, and buy it through a trust so that the GF never had a claim, even if they get married.

If the cousin and the GF would rather have a house that they buy and live in together, then they can rent out this house and he can use the income to contribute towards a joint mortgage.

I know a number of people in this situation. It does not seem to be an issue for them, they know that so long as they are living together it does not particularly matter whose name an asset is in, and if they split up they agree that each should take out what they brought in.

In France, you can choose a marriage regime which excludes any assets you owned before you got married, so in a situation like the above, even if they did get married the gf would not have a claim upon divorce.

If she is worried I would suggest she saves the money she would be paying on a mortgage or rent as a nest egg that is her incase they do spilt

In France, none of the assets you have before a marriage will be taken into consideration during a divorce, regardless of the contract. Same with any inheritance you would get during the marriage. It's a very different situation.

If they were married, the house would into the common pot but would only be split 50/50 after some years of married life.

Yanbu. She's being entirely unreasonable.