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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my cousins girlfriend is being a bit grabby

160 replies

HollyGuacamolly · 18/07/2014 17:15

My aunt is pretty wealthy and has offered to by my cousin a house (worth approx 250k) for his 30th birthday, provided he pays the stamp duty etc himself.

Cousin has been with his long term girlfriend for about 6 years but they aren't married and don't have children(unsure whether it's on the cards) and my aunt is buying the house for my cousin (in cash, no mortgage) on the condition that is is in his name only . Cousin and girlfriend currently live together and split rent and bills and the plan is for them both to move into the new house and just split bills (as there will be no rent/mortgage). Cousins gf has thrown a bit of a paddy that she's "not allowed" to be on the deeds of the house, now I can see that she wants some security but AIBU to think it's a bit grabby to want half of it? She's argued that technically cousin hasn't "contributed" either and that as his long term partner she should share in his windfall - she thinks my aunt IBVU. (My aunt does understand that if they marry then the girlfriend will be entitled to half and she's fine with this, just doesn't want to hand over half to a "partner").

On the other hand I can sort of see girlfriend's side so I suggested to my cousin that they both save up and jointly buy a buy to let which will give her some security, since they are now both benefitting from being rent free!

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 18/07/2014 17:38

so in that case to me it seems a rather ridiculous time for your aunt to make this 'kind' offer. Let the relationship run its course then buy the house Confused

olaflikeswarmhugs · 18/07/2014 17:38

She is BVU ! I would just be happy I was able to live rent free ! But I'm not greedy , me Wink
Grin

Vivacia · 18/07/2014 17:38

Just two of us Toby (so far).

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 18/07/2014 17:39

No, I agree with you both Viv and Toby - it seems to me a gift with strings attached.

tobysmum77 · 18/07/2014 17:40

but she'd be living in HIS house but their joint house. .... I wouldn't be happy with that.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/07/2014 17:41

I think the gf is being unreasonable. Why should she get half the house of they split up? If they got married she could go on the deeds then.

tobysmum77 · 18/07/2014 17:41

perhaps the solution is that he buys a buy to let so that they can still have a joint home.

Jubelteen · 18/07/2014 17:41

Sorry boyfriend's Mum.

gertiegusset · 18/07/2014 17:41

Once your Aunt has made the property in her sons name he will be free to add his GF id he wants.
Can't see how it could legally be disputed.

ExcuseTypos · 18/07/2014 17:42

If she buys a buy to let, for capital gains tax purposes it won't be classed as such as everyone is allowed to own one property without paying capital gains tax.

emsyj · 18/07/2014 17:42

Will he get to choose the house or is she literally buying him 'a house' and will pick it herself? TBH I think if I had been with someone for 6 years I would expect buying a house to be a joint activity for the two of us - we would be viewing houses, we would decide what area to live in, we would think about budget and decor etc etc. If his mother wanted to gift him £250k to do with as he saw fit, that would be very generous - if she wanted to buy him a house and I would then just live in it with no involvement (will she view properties with him, get to contribute to the decision - presumably not if she isn't paying???) then I would be rather peeved and would be looking to live elsewhere. I think saying 'thank you, that's very generous to offer, but we will buy our own house when we're ready' would avoid a lot of future trouble. Fair enough she could live there and save for her own 'just in case' property - but that's not really a partnership, is it? I wouldn't want to feel like a lodger in my home.

ThisOneAndThatOne · 18/07/2014 17:44

Perhaps the cousin has confided in aunt that he does not see a long term future for the relationship?

How old are they?

lettertoherms · 18/07/2014 17:46

I see both sides, but I'm erring on the side of the girlfriend. A gift shouldn't come with conditions, and it seems very unfair, if she intends to stay with him for life, to punish her for not marrying if she does not wish to - many couples choose to not marry for their own reasons. There's no saying if they were married that they aren't as likely to get a divorce in the next few years as they would break up if they've decided now that they're committed to each other for life.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 18/07/2014 17:48

I think the aunt is being very reasonable, but I do understand the GF's discomfort.

The GFs being very foolish though. She would be better off being charming to her boyfriend and getting him to add her to the deeds post purchase, or sell the house and buy one jointly with her......

She may or may not be being grabby, but I understand if she's sad to lose out on the excitement of their buying their first joint house together etc.

Viviennemary · 18/07/2014 17:49

The aunt is NBU to want the house in her son's name only. But I can understand why the girlfriend will feel insecure if she has no legal right to be in what will become her home. These relative funded things often end in tears and rows.

SinglePringle · 18/07/2014 17:50

Tricky. Can see why that Aunt is saying what she's saying but I'm wondering if the GF is taking it as a slight to their relationship.

They've been together 6 years, they may well be totally committed to being together forever (6yrs would suggest this) but maybe she just doesn't like the idea of marriage. If so, she may be affronted that her 'MIL' doesn't see her as part of her sons future.

OnlyLovers · 18/07/2014 17:53

I can see both sides. It does seem a bit grabby to be throwing a paddy over it.

On the other hand, it sounds as though the aunt is imposing her own opinions about how 'legitimate' their relationship is; quite possibly she believes that only marriage counts as a proper relationship. I personally think that's old-fashioned and outmoded, but I guess if it's her money there's an argument that she's entitled to impose conditions.

'a nice sum towards their wedding if they decide to make a commitment to each other.'

That's probably the aunt's attitude too. I think that's quite offensive. Is a six-year relationship not a commitment?

MissRee · 18/07/2014 17:53

So she turned down his marriage proposal last year? Hmm... how long has this house purchase been in the cards?

gamescompendium · 18/07/2014 17:53

I suspect GF is kicking off because of the strings attached. She knows that her BF's Mum is making a comment on the lack of marriage. Vivacia is right, they should tell your aunt to F-off. Or add the GF to the deeds as soon as the ink is dry from your aunt. Someone who has been in a live-in relationship for 6 years is not 'just a GF'. Some marriages last less time.

stealthsquiggle · 18/07/2014 17:55

I think your advice is very good, OP. They should take the money that they would have spent on rent and invest it in a buy to let property in both names so that she has some security. She can view the gift to her DP as the thing which has enabled her to build up some collateral of her own.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 18/07/2014 18:00

She isn't being "a bit" grabby at all. Very, very greedy and grasping doesn't quite cover it.

If I were the aunt I wouldn't transfer the property into the son's name at all. Not now. Not ever. He can be left the house in her will if that's what she wants to have happen. Girlfriend needs to be told to fuck off and provide her own housing if ownership is that important to her.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 18/07/2014 18:06

I don't see why the GF should be grateful as one post said and 6 years together is a long time, I'd probably take it as a snub.

tobysmum77 · 18/07/2014 18:08

er they are meant to be a partnership, Confused Shock just tell her to fuck off and buy their own house. !?

I think it's interesting that those taking about the gf being grabby are those who see it as entirely and what you can get rather than a home.

I'm bloody glad we don't have wealthy parents and had to sort ourselves out (as I suspect gf was expecting to happen)

tobysmum77 · 18/07/2014 18:09

entirely as money

madamweasel · 18/07/2014 18:13

If the aunt was to give him the cash would gf be demanding half????

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