Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Am I selfish about holiday

189 replies

desperatedino · 13/05/2014 16:06

We have a holiday booked in July to the med for me, DH, and our 3 DC.

I have been looking forward to this in ages as we really don't spend much family time together.

DH has just announced that SIL is going to be joining us, all this was arranged without my consent, I told DH I was hoping it could be just us and he went off on one completely saying I was selfish and it's his holiday too.

I don't dislike SIL but she is a drama queen and caused a row when she came away with us before.

So AIBU to just want us on holiday?

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/05/2014 16:08

No,I would be seething as that's something that should be discussed first. I would love to go on holiday with my SIL but I completely get why you're cross.

Hoppinggreen · 13/05/2014 16:09

No you aren't, we regularly go away with family but enjoy it when it's just us 4 as well.
He is being very U for not consulting you before asking her

GoEasyPudding · 13/05/2014 16:09

OMG, this terrible.

Keep very calm though.

Just keep repeating, "Not on this hols DH!, this is family time."

juneau · 13/05/2014 16:10

No YANBU at all! Christ, I'd go ballistic if DH invited his bloody sister on our family holiday.

OhCobblers · 13/05/2014 16:11

That's outrageous and I can't believe he thinks you're being selfish. He's being a real arse.
No way would I ever stand for that, but then I don't go away with family, never have and DH would never suggest it.

CMOTDibbler · 13/05/2014 16:11

YANBU - adding someone outside your family unit changes the dynamic totally. Sounds like you and dh need a quiet sit down when theres nothing to disturb you and a discussion about why you wanted a family unit holiday, and why he thought your SIL coming would be a good idea. And about how respect for each other means talking about things..

wowfudge · 13/05/2014 16:12

I agree - U of your DH to invite her without consultation with you. I wouldn't want someone else, family or not, tagging along.

Why can't she go on her own bloody holiday?

Wolfiefan · 13/05/2014 16:13

Weird! Not you OP! It's a family holiday. I could understand it if you hired a huge place and invited all extended family (that sounds like a nightmare to me!)

pilates · 13/05/2014 16:14

No YANBU def something that needs to be discussed beforehand. I agree I like to go on holiday with just my immediate family. Will it be for the whole time or just part?

Original poster

desperatedino · 13/05/2014 16:14

Thanks for the replies so far, we have hardly spoken in three days I can't bare to be near him at the moment.

He said basically if she can't come he will cancel the hotel booking, he said she would have her own room etc but it is not the same is it?

He is not normally such an arsehole but when it comes to his family they come first.

OP posts:

bubalou · 13/05/2014 16:15

YANBU - I would be fucked off beyond measure!

It is completely unreasonable of him to do this to you. Holidays are a rare and expensive thing for families and a time for you to spend as that -a family without the usual work,errands, school, cleaning etc.

He needs to sort this out but tell him she's not coming.

redexpat · 13/05/2014 16:16

YANBU! Especially if you have been away with her before and she caused a row? Dribblers post sounds like a very good way to deal with it.

iambigfatmess · 13/05/2014 16:17

I would hit the roof this needs discussing are there other issues

eurochick · 13/05/2014 16:18

That definitely should have been discussed first.

CoffeeTea103 · 13/05/2014 16:18

Yanbu he should have definitely discussed this with you.

littleballerina · 13/05/2014 16:20

I'd be livid.

LIZS · 13/05/2014 16:20

yanbu , he should have mentioned he was even considering it.

Fairenuff · 13/05/2014 16:22

He said basically if she can't come he will cancel the hotel booking

I think he is lying about this in order to try and bully you into doing what he wants.

If he cancels he will lose money. Call his bluff. Let him cancel. I don't think he will though.

MrsKoala · 13/05/2014 16:23

i'd be furious and very upset that being alone with his immediate family wasn't a priority to him.

TheTerribleBaroness · 13/05/2014 16:24

Cancel then. Take the children and go somewhere on your own.

MrsKoala · 13/05/2014 16:25

I'd also tell him to shove it up his arse cancel the holiday. See what he does then. But then again i'm very stubborn.

ProfessorBranestawm · 13/05/2014 16:27

No you are not being selfish! Crazy to invite someone without consulting your spouse. FFS.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 13/05/2014 16:28

The planning of a holiday should be undertaken together - it is VV U for your DH to invite someone else without asking you - and then give you an ultimatum about it! Personally I think I'd say fine - you go on holiday with your sister and I'll go somewhere else!

TequilaMockingbirdy · 13/05/2014 16:28

Fucking hell I'd flip. Seriously flip.

CateBlanket · 13/05/2014 16:28

Why does his sister mean more to him than his wife and kids?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8